Dx April 14, 2016

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Hahahaha, I like the word 'dispute' here. I just find it funny. I don't know why. Like I said, I will speak to the therapist about this. But, everybody's input is welcome as I do need external feedback. And, you guys are experienced and I am just the newbie, so to speak.

It's now a reality and I need to find the best ways to deal with things.

That really did make me laugh. I am not being sarcastic or anything negative.

As for the self-knowledge, it helps, but what I did find out about things they noticed in just 6 hours of testing over two months of appointments (2 for testing, one for intake, one for diagnosis) is very surprising a well as making me a bit anxious about all the other things that expose themselves over time.

So, as I learn how to deal with things, be made known of new things, it will not be a quick fix.

All you have to do, in order to have people "bend towards your way of thinking," is to tell people you're eccentric and of an artistic temperament.

Asperger's/autism certainly didn't help keep that Darius transit guy out of a felony conviction. Even though it was well known that he had Asperger's and had trains as his special interest.

I understand your reasoning, my friend. But I've had many bad experiences when I would tell people that I am this or that.

I just allow people to make their own conclusions these days.

If you work for the NYC Public Schools, you might be in better shape than most. If things get really bad, they might put you in the "rubber room" at full salary. There's at least a few hundred teachers who are in "rubber rooms."

I doubt it very much, if you are a tenured NYC teacher, that they could try to fire you on the basis of mere allegations put forward by parents and kids.

Congratulations!

Now you know for sure that you're on the spectrum.

It does indeed remove my doubts. I feel different. Relief is all I can say. Now we have a true baseline to work from. Kinda old, but never too late to rebuild, I say.

You have something I don't have: art ability.

Cultivate it.

And you have mechanical ability, too. Which is very useful.

What's interesting is that the testing shows why I have trouble and have had certain troubles in the field I am in. Trying to get information from a client and telling what works with them, the flows of conflicting information, all of that and more, just wears me out.

I have been tested intellectually. Now, I want aptitude testing. Too many people see a few things that I have done, because they are a bit out of the ordinary, and say things like, "well, that's impressive!".

Not really when I work for only two hours a week in a dying field that I am aging out of because I am not 'young and hip.' I am too 'retro' and the work I do is too analytical.

I just want to find something I can do that will really get me a real job. Not just barely survive, depending on dumb luck. That can't last and, I am surprised it has lasted this long.

Congratulations on the official Dx. I know it had worried you for a while now. I hope that this brings you a bit of peace.

Here's what's funny; I went through periods of "well, I have Asperger's" and just putting things into action in my head all night. I was up until 4:30 in the morning. Did a blog post about it for GRASP. But, today, it never crossed my mind other than to notice that it wasn't crossing my mind. I guess it's because it didn't redefine me. Just explained me.

What about auto mechanics?

You seem to be pretty good with cars.

Maybe, for extra money, you could fix people's cars for cheap. Establish a reputation.

Very feasible in a place like Brooklyn.

I do like working with my hands. I also like to solve problems and am mechanically minded, but completely ignorant of just about most things since I've never studied it at all. I just know that I do all my own maintenance work on my equipment. This was a really crazy airbrush I used to have to tear apart for maintenance. Just kinda did it. That way on most of my equipment. Even on my old desktops. Not crazy about opening up my laptop.

It's one of the reasons I like building models. It engages my brain on problem solving, but it also allows for those times when it is just so soothing to sand it and sculpt on it and just manipulate it. Sometimes, my hand control is not as good as other times. So, I've had to learn how to fix things when I break them. Kinda good at that by now, LOL

Paasche A/B turbine airbrush. This is the head of the airbrush with fingers next to it so you get a sense of scale. That was the engine I would take apart to clean and repair.

It's funny. You seem to have just the opposite of a nonverbal learning disability, which might have. I have lots of trouble mechanically. Screwing in a screw takes lots of effort for me. My handwriting is okay when I think about, yet can be pretty illegible at times.

There are many Aspergians who seem to have Nonverbal Learning Disability. You would, in this case, be the exact opposite of a stereotypical Aspie. You fit more the stereotypical profile of High-Functioning autism. How are your Verbal Scores on your IQ tests.

When I was 15, I scored a 150 Verbal, and 90 Performance on an IQ test. My scores have less disparity now--about 120 Verbal, 100 Performance.

Congratulations! Hopefully the diagnosis will bring you some peace.

I completely agree. I made the mistake of telling a few people after my diagnosis and it didn't work out very well. We forget that neurotypicals don't understand the wide spectrum of autism. Also, they are afraid of what they don't understand. We expect them to "see" it in us and understand but 99% of the time they won't. It really stinks... you finally get the validation you need but have to keep it to yourself it seems. People think I'm weird anyways and if I tell them I have autism, they seem even more standoffish.

Having said that, you do live in NYC where people are a bit more educated. I'm from the sticks in Texas and if I mention Aspergers or Autism Spectrum they have no clue what I'm talking about. People are about 30 years in the past here. It's strange how where you live dictates peoples perception. At UNT where I go to school, my professors are the ones who actually informed me... which is why I sought a diagnosis. But in my hometown of 8,000, they just thought I was an unruly, eccentric kid and punished me for not participating in school. Once again though, I'm very happy for you and know you must be relieved!! !

Here is what's odd. I have trouble with screw on lids. They always go on crooked and trying to get a screw to go in straight just frustrates the hell out of me. I also have terrible handwriting, even when I think about it.

When I read, I invert meanings sometimes. When I read, I skip lines and have to re-read passages a lot because I go off on tangents, or the page just greys out and I have to start over.

I also have to do things myself to learn them. I can't just watch and get it or read and get it. I have to actually do it.

I just looked at the definition of Nonverbal Learning Disability and I can tell you that I flunked it pretty badly.
1.) trouble recognizing nonverbal cues such as facial expression or body language
2.) Shows poor psycho-motor coordination; clumsy; seems to be constantly “getting in the way,” bumping into people and objects---My balance and gross motor skills are horrible. But, I have been drawing, drafting and other things with my hands for a long, long time. It's the most refined part of my anatomy. And it still is not really that good. Just a lot of patience, practice and love.
3.) Needs to verbally label everything that happens to comprehend circumstances, spatial orientation, directional concepts and coordination; often lost or tardy------Don't trust me with a map. Ever. I am the worst navigator. I will almost certainly mix up east and west. I am never tardy though because I leave early all the time because one of the things that bugs the crap out of me is to be late.
4.) Has difficulty coping with changes in routing and transitions---Check
5.) Has difficulty generalizing previously learned information---Check
6.) Has difficulty following multi-step instructions---Check
7.) Make very literal translations---Check
8.) Asks too many questions, may be repetitive and inappropriately interrupt the flow of a lesson---Check
9.) Imparts the “illusion of competence” because of the student’s strong verbal skills---this has been the bane of my existence. I get jobs because of that illusion. Meanwhile, I'm panicking because I don't want anybody to find out I'm a fraud. Eventually I just overload and kill all future chances with most opportunities.

I did alright. No deficiencies. I think you can tell by my posts that I am quite verbose. Screwy, loopy, tangential phraseology....but wordy nonetheless...

Indeed.....our neurology is such a funny thing.

I'm a very good typist, yet I'm a very slow texter LOL

And it's not motivation. I wish I could text much faster!

You must have been into art from a very young age.

When I was a kid, I hated going to art museums. I just didn't care about art then. I love it now.

I'm pretty good at navigation, but I'm not so good when it comes to places like malls. I get lost in malls all the time.

It goes to show.....we humans should learn to complement (and compliment) each other, rather than think we're the cat's meow because we have some special ability.

I am a terrible typist. I get my keys strokes all in a mess; doubled, dropped and transposed letters and sometimes almost, well, just weird. I really depend on Spellcheck. And a lot of proof reading. And I still miss things all over the place.

I was into art at a young age. I started before kindergarten. I remember my first day at a kindergarten. We got sat around a round table. They told us we were going to draw now. I was psyched. I was also a year younger than everybody else. Then they handed out stencils. I could not figure out what they were for. I was ready to draw. When I asked what we were supposed to do with the stencils, I got made fun of, but did get shown. But, the idea of something to use to trace with was completely foreign to me. I just drew.

I've been working professionally since I was 17. I used to peddle my bike around a small town in Georgia where I graduated from selling t-shirt designs. I actually made above minimum wage, was self employed and had a blast.

My mom actually thought I was dealing drugs or something I made so much money. I got a call one day out of the blue. I sold a t-shirt design at a shop for 10 bucks. About 3 weeks later I came home and my Mom was on my ass in a heartbeat.
"Who is this woman who called you?"
"I dunno...who is she?"
"She said to call her back, she had a $90 check to give to you! What did you do to earn $90.00?"
"I dunno. Did she leave a number?"
"Here!" Jamming it at me. She was livid. LOL....
I call. Someone answers. I ask for the name on the paper. It was the woman from the T-shirt shop!! I forgot they said if it sold well, I would get a commission on sales!! LOL!!

I told my Mom and then asked what she thought I would be doing, that would cause trouble, if they were writing a check. So, I made $100 in 1977 for less than 30 minutes of work....so, yeah, it colored my perceptions and lost sight of reality.

One of the mistakes of that sort of thought process was repeated at the age of 29-32. In those three years, I made almost a quarter of a million dollars. That was real money nearly 30 years ago. Pissed away because of stupidity. If I had played my life properly, I would be self sufficient at this time. Instead, I'm struggling, living partially on unemployment supplemental insurance.

Did that again about 10 years later. Lack of discipline. Lack of seeing the long term. I can keep a running check book balance in my head on the fly, but, can't plan my financial future.

That is my lifelexia at work.

Oooohhh!! I was just proofreading this and I wondered if my Mom thought I was some sort of teen gigolo or something. LOL

Brown Chicken Brown Cow!!