Does anyone else not actually want a relationship?

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i want a relationship but I always get hung up on the physical/sexual issues. It's kind of hard to have an intimate relationship if you recoil when you're hugged. But I get lonely if there's no one around. I really need very little human contact but I need some. If I'm not working and I'm alone and there's no one around for a long period I get depressed. I also wish I had someone to do things like traveling with. Also, I do fall in love with people and they fall in love with me so it's doubly frustrating that the physical and sexual stuff (not to mention my clumsiness and silence) gets in the way.

I am definitely a very difficult person to be in a relationship with. I dislike being touched, I have executive functioning problems, I don't make eye contact, I need a lot of time alone, I prefer to be silent most of the time, I obsess over things and talk about them too much, I am bad at small talk, I have trouble getting emotionally attached to people, I would probably have problems with being intimate, I express myself in a strange way, I get really upset when my routine is broken, I have some anxiety problems, and my social skills aren't very good. I would like to be in a relationship, but it would take a certain kind of person to tolerate my querks.

I don't desire any relationships either.
Friendships? I won't be the one who's "maintaining" it then. I'll be 'there' but I won't come unless asked.
Romantic relationship? No. Never crossed my mind, and never had any interest in it.

I never had a crush, never had any fantasies related to anything romantic. Even when such time comes, I probably won't pursue it.

Emotional affairs? I'm not looking forward to it.
Physical affairs? Never. I don't have the need nor the desire and I like it that way.

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I’ve never been in a proper relationship. I attracted many young ladies when I was younger but I seemed to back away at the moment it was to become a relationship, and I never understood why.

Now? I can’t imagine myself in a relationship. I don’t think I’m capable of forming a relationship with someone on an even basis, so I just can’t imagine it working. Plus my social skills are pants.

I do however get lonely, and I do obsess and lust over women. I can become consumed by a particular woman (either ‘romantically’ or lustfully, or both). But there’s never any actual situation in real life; the situation exists in my head, and sometimes in ill-thought-through words or gestures, clumsy ways of expressing what I think I’m feeling. Eventually I move on from my latest crush but there’s basically always someone to fill that fantasy void.

I don’t have the answer to this.

I spent ages wanting a relationship because it seemed "Normal," and I wanted someone other than my family to make me happy. And then I got a relationship. And it didn't work out. I realised that I didn't want one because I didn't want to have to share my life with anyone the way I had to share it with him. I have secrets that I would rather keep. So I've been put off relationships now. My family and what little friends I have are good enough for me. I want to live my own life now. Yes, I do want to have children, but I don't need to have a boyfriend to have them, I can have what's called artificial insemination, or I could just adopt if I can't have children of my own. And I don't have to tell them everything, and I can bring them up with the same interests as me, and if they don't like it, it won't matter as much as if it were a boyfriend who didn't like the same things I liked.

Maybe I'm just biased based on the experience I had with just one person. I once tried to tell him about something I was interested in, and he hated it. I don't even know why I did that. I don't remember what I was thinking at the time.