This just in! (sarcasm warning)

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In my experience, relationship counsellors have a lot of clients whose main problem is being out of touch with their feelings, and much of the therapy is about highlighting their importance and getting them to learn how to identify them. I guess that's why the cliche "how did that make you feel?" began. For me it's been a lifelong quest of dialogue, introspection, and dialogue, applying that question to my experiences and comparing them with the experience of others...........

.............Here's one list of ways:
http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/min ... exithymia/
I don't think it's a brain-wiring thing like ASD, I think it can be learned, if the client is interested enough.
(Excuse split posting, Capcha is at it again )

I don't suppose it's always easy, especially if the body language and eye contact are abnormal. But I think a good starting point is to watch the situation the client is in, as it's likely they will be reacting more or less normally to things that happen to them, obviously with some exceptions........

...........Of course the problem is that by definition the client can't easily confirm anything. I remember when I was in my early 20s, a counsellor asked me what kind of partner I might want, and after a moment I answered "anybody." She replied "I sensed you really felt something when you said that." I didn't know what she was talking about, but the idea stayed with me, and years later I can name my feelings quite well - sorrow and shame at having come to be so desperate for love, and relief at being able to admit it. I've often noticed that it's easier for me to know how I used to feel than how I feel now. But by starting with the past, I was able to get used to talking about feelings and to gradually narrow the time gap.

Excuse split posting, Capcha again.

It's a fact that NT counsellors love open questions: how do you feel about this? and single issue answers to them "it worries me". That model doesn't fit very well for those AS clients who far prefer closed questions: "Does x worry you or not" and then need enough space accorded to them for the kind of detailed, often multifaceted answers AS people tend toward (or a lot of us) eg "yes and no, it depends......."

The counselling world doesn't yet seem to have cottoned on the need to tailor services toward our AS population, and seems to have little interest in finding out (from AS people/groups run by AS people for AS people) how to tailor and provide those services. It seems that we almost have to become honorary NTs when we enter counselling situations, yet counselling prides itself on being "client focused" and not discriminating against minorities.

ToughDiamond, the Scientific American article was very informative, and your personal insight also helped me understand more. Thanks for putting up with the Captcha to share that.

Empathy is the ability to know what other people are feeling from their point of view. Don't confuse it with remembering what you went through and applying it to them.

There does seem to be some neurological component or affect, although no causality has been shown.
https://bpsmedicine.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1751-0759-7-8

But I agree, just like we autistics can often learn non-verbal communication using a rules based approach, and just like we can learn mindfulness, we can often learn to identify and feel emotions. We've had to teach our daughter much of hers.

I do have to wonder: by the time we are say, teens, how much of alexithymia may also caused by something similar to c-ptsd / repression / dissociation / trauma due to being forced to try to live in an NT world...in which case trauma style treatments may be helpful.

That's the only way I can really empathize. I have to project my experience. Hope that makes sense.

Also, isn't what you describe sympathy, rather than empathy?

Sympathy is giving a darn about other people's feelings. We got way too much of that.

Sympathy = selective empathy.

I can empathise with a rich or a poor guy losing his parents.
I cannot sympathise if he lose 90% of his money. If a poor person lose 90% of his money, my sympathy is there.

I would have quoted your entire post, but Capcha wouldn't let me.

Yes that probably helps explain why my progress was slow. AS is hard to fathom, and sadly not all that many counsellors are particularly client-centred. I also heard a long time ago that psychiatrists were arguing that Relate should be less client-focussed. I suspect that ASD clients may often need to proactively manage their counselling before they'll get anywhere, but sadly we often find it very hard to be that proactive.

Glad you found it useful. And I enjoy beating the Capcha monster.

Yes that could be right about the brain wiring. We may be using different neural pathways to construct our understanding of emotions.

Yes that's another way of looking at it. I wish I could remember how in touch with my feelings I was when I was a small child. Was I born with alexithymia, or did I acquire it later?

maybe at a latter date, but use the quiz like your personal viewfinder or torch and you'll find out.

http://www.alexithymia.us/test-alex.html