I might have aspergers, but I'm not certain.

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My parents still aren't fully aware of all my mental problems. It is difficult to tell them because I know they would have a complex emotional reaction (disbelief, relief, confusion, anger, sadness, guilt, surprise etc.) that I just can't handle. When I was getting my diagnosis I didn't tell them. I lied about where I was going and even after I was diagnosed I wasn't 100% sure I would say anything about it. I think the process in the UK takes 6 months to a year +, depending on where you live and the services available to you.

Assessment next week. If it is positive I certainly won't tell anyone in my family, and I am reasonably close to them.

I think "few specific interests" is related to lifelong interests or stuff you do whole day long day after day for a time being and don't care about anything else.

My multiple interests mean I can talk about many stuff. Sometimes I get periods of time when I stick to one thing (for example I did nothing but play a specific online game for almost 8 years long 14h a day and there were a few months long periods where I read only about Asperger 14h a day or MBTI 14h a day) but usually my time is shared between a few things.

For example my daily routine currently consists of:
-playing one game,
-checking questions on a website and answering them (random questions: I mostly answer psychology, math and computer related ones) - this actually can take a while because some questions tick hyperfocus and I will spend a few hours learning the subject before I answer.
-wrongplanet forum,
-something random till sleep time(such as watching TV or cleaning my room)
-watch some anime and read manga for 2 hours before going to sleep.
It's pretty random, isn't it? Especially those random questions thing.

Take a look at this:
"Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g, strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interest)."
It doesn't necessarily mean you have to have just 1 interest. The abnormality is in "intensity or focus", not amount. "Restriction" doesn't mean you can't have multiple interests - it only means that once something interests you it's hard for you to drop it and you tend to get to expert level by intense research. The interest can change... eventually. But what you learned stays there and you can still be considered an expert.


Well, it's possible. However most doctors and psychologists - at least in my country - have poor knowledge about ASD in adults so if you don't give them a hint they won't know how to describe you. I met a lot of psychologists in my life.
Starting from 3 year old - I entered nursery, tried to play with other kids as if they were dolls, got stopped by caregivers and went to toys, ignoring everyone, unaware my mom disappeared so caregivers told my parents to get me assessed because there was something clearly wrong with me. The child psychiatrist told them: "She is highly intelligent. Motor development in the norm. Poor social development - but she is smart so she will learn.".

Through elementary and middle school - I visited school psychologist on daily basis due to being bullied. No diagnosis, little help.

High school - Grandma read about Asperger, figured it fits me and sent me to ASD specialist. I didn't want to "be crazy" so I put a mask on(for example I never had a boyfriend because I am focused on my study and think I still have time for boyfriends, instead of telling I can't even imagine myself dating anyone because I just have no clue how it works) and ended up with "I don't think she has Asperger but I would like to see her a few more times to make sure.". I refused the next visits because I heard they would cost half of my parents monthly wage and I would have to travel 100kms by train and another 10 kms by public transportation in unknown city every week for next few weeks - all by myself because I was "adult enough" according to my parents. It freaked me out.

College - I had trouble socially so grandma sent me to a psychologist. I ended up with some 2 pages essay about "how good person I am, how badly I try to be a good human and be liked and how people don't understand it".
After college - I had trouble getting a job(and already suspected Asperger at that time but didn't want to hint it) so I went to a therapist. ended up with opinion of having "immature personality and poor social skills".

Eventually I decided to come out straight and went to mental health center specializing in autistic children and asked if they know someone diagnosing adults with Asperger. They sent me to a worker of theirs. I shown her an 12 pages essay I wrote based on Asperger diagnostic criteria (both ICD10 and DSM-IV, there was no DSM-V yet, although I believe DSM-V fits me even better than the old criteria), with description of why I think I have it and differental diagnosis of what might mimic Asperger (social phobia, schizotypal PD, schizoid PD, depression, OCD, general anxiety disorder...) and why I think it's not the case. After she read it all she said was "I think you diagnosed yourself right. And you seem to know about Asperger more than I do, despite me being an autism specialist... you should write a book" and she told me about a psychiatrist that can give me paper.

I went to the psychiatrist, shown him opinions of the previous psychologists and therapists I visited, he send me to one more psychologist for confirmation and a few months later I had my official diagnosis of Asperger and a paper of disability level 1.

So from my experience it doesn't hurt telling you suppose you have Asperger as long as you can explain why you think so and you show it to the right person. If you suppose you have Asperger you should go straight to someone familiar with ASD.

I live in Quebec (Canada), and yes the autism assessments are covered, but the process is very long for adults (one year+, maybe two), and, apparently, the services are so poor and the psychologists and psychiatrists have so little expertise on the subject that they sometimes refuse a demand if someone who claims they might be autistic looks at them in the eyes at any point, or if that someone has decent (or above average) linguistic skills. That's partially why I'm somewhat afraid ; the other part being my lack of knowledge of the details of the process of assessment (like what types of tests are done). The only reason I'd like to get a diagnostic is to be sure I have Asperger's (I do not care about tax credits or monetary help, at least for now), but it seems that even if I do have it, I might not get the diagnostic regardless...

I have very similar days to yours, in that I usually spend over 10-14h playing a game, and then I might go read on some topic(s) that interest me until I decide to go to sleep. The problem I was having is that although there are common themes that permeates with what I enjoy, it is not always the case, and I might, at one time, be interested in an extreme fashion (obsessively) on a single topic, but then, at another time (months later, maybe), switch the object of my obsession for something else. For instance, I used to be very interested in medieval European cartography, but then got obsessed over the economic effects of fiscal policies, and after that got interested in a manga, etc. ; though, some of my interests remain constant, like playing video games or listening to operas (usually I listen to the same opera for 3-8h a day in a loop). People often tell me I have no control over my desires, and that I am very obsessive over what I enjoy ; and in light of what you're saying, it does make sense. Thanks for that explanation, it makes it a lot clearer for me, especially since the criteria seem a bit vague for me or imprecise .

Also, what is a monotonous tone of voice? It is listed as a symptom, and I think I have it (everybody tells me I talk ''coldly'' or ''harshly''), but, when I am happy, usually, I don't believe I have a monotonous tone of voice - it gets much louder and I believe I speak ''normally''.


Thanks for sharing your experience. I had similar experiences in the sense that I had just about poor social development, and had little to no friends at all (I still don't). Even today, I don't even know anyone in the program I'm studying, and I've been in said program for 4 years now. I was also bullied a lot during high school because of my lack of coordination or motor skills. However, I have never seen a psychologist or psychiatrist in my life - people thought I was just bizarre or shy -, and it makes me exceedingly nervous to see one, since it's new to me. Also, there are no real specialist for ASD in adults where I live (all focus on children, and, even then, there are few to no experts in autism).

Many people have told me before that I had some specific problems (no motor skills, no social capacities, etc.), but none has actually seen all of them at the same time, or most of them, which I imagine is why no one thought I might have a problem.

Yeah, I can perfectly understand being unable to handle what would be their emotional reaction. It's mostly the same reason as to why I never tell my parents anything, outside of the fact that I can't express myself very well when talking to people, and that I generally prefer to stay alone. Though, to be honest, I'm not sure I could lie to them ; I almost never lie to anyone, since I feel that it's so wrong when I do. I mostly just try to avoid them, or not answer their questions...