Why do those on the spectrum get treated badly?

Post Reply New Topic

And on the other side of the coin, if you are seen as "too successful" or "too happy" or "too comfortable with being your unique, eccentric self when it's not hurting anybody" ... people will try to slap you down for that, as well.

Basically, people don't like anyone who they see as different, because that poses a threat to them.

And no, I don't understand it.

I'm kind of a geezer, and I've been both annoyed and amused by this.

When I was young and a "nerd," technical people and engineers didn't make a huge amount of money. Also, the Vietnam war was going on and engineers were sneered at as being members of the "military-industrial complex." Even if they worked in non-defense jobs.

No one wanted their kids to be engineers. It was long before the "discovery" of Asperger's Syndrome, and for sure kids who went into engineering were geeks and "weird" like I was.

Then the 1980's came, and real money came to engineering. "Normal" parents wanted their "normal" kids to take up tech, because there was money in it. Of course, as I well know, the so-called "normal" (NT) people struggle a lot more learning tech, than we Aspies do (in general). Many times, I've been resented because of this "success." Most of the NT people I have known in engineering have not liked the work environment. But in some places, they have taken it over due to the normal course of discrimination against socially-impaired Aspies.

Generally, I'm a very open minded person. But one way that I show little sympathy is when somebody complains that people like me make a decent living. I'm real quick to offer them a deal. Let's go back, and trade places growing up. All those days and weekends I spent, alone, lonely, and working on homework, while they effed off would be theirs, and then the social life they had would be mine. And then they'd have some skills someone wants to buy. Nobody who has social skills wants that deal, for some reason. Of course, with good social skills there are countless more ways to make good money, than being an engineer. Sometimes, they begrudge us our little haven.

it happens on a subconscious level. If you are a male, it would be good to workout and build muscle to impose a more intimidating figure so it happens less. We happen to be easy easy targets, so appearance can keep bullies away.

Everyone gets treated badly, this is just your special button to poke.

It is not entirely a backlash, rather, trolling or mocking because they are sadists. I am saying a big red target has been painted, there isn't a politically motivated movement to kill all autistic people like the neo-nazis are for blacks or jews.

Its seems though that when NTs bully, it's just "human nature", but when an Aspie bullies, they are scolded more for it, and society looks upon us as coldhearted and inhumane.

It might be because I didn't experience as much bullying or negativity as an individual growing up, but before I joined ASD forums or read more about it, I never had the idea it was universal among our community to have experienced bullying.

There is a saying in Japan, "The nail that stands up, gets pounded down" referring to nails sticking up out of the floor.

We stand up(out) and that makes us targets for the pounding.

It's a double standard among normal and special needs. Children who are "normal" get away with lot of stuff like socially inappropriate behaviors because it's not enforced for them but it is for special needs. That is why they tend to be more mature and more polite than normal kids. But me as a child I refused to have it so I fought and then my school tried to say I have a behavior disorder and wanted to put me in a behavior class but no that would have made it even worse because I then would have been copying kids in there because it would have been normal behavior and I wanted to be normal.

Even my NT mother agrees this is all unfair so she stood by me and the school thought my mom was seeing me through roses. They probably thought my mom was trivializing my behavior and trying to normalize me and say there is nothing wrong with her precious girl and using other kids behavior to justify. But to me they were just stupid because all they had to do was enforce the rules on all students and they wouldn't have had a problem with me.

The double standard exists because treating each person individually is difficult in society. There are 7 billion people in this world and its hard to keep track of everyone. They wish to be safe than sorry like religions which say "do not lie" outright while making double standards for their own leaders. This is why I believe in parents personalizing and treating their children according to their needs.

People fear what they don't understand and that's why they treat us like crap.

I'm one of those (post) middle-aged people who wasn't diagnosed until late and I can confirm that people don't need to know you have Asperger's or autism to treat you badly. People will treat you badly just because.

I was diagnosed when I was 45, so I had a lot of time to try and figure out why people were acting that way without any suggestion that autism might be involved. The conclusion I reached is that 85% of the population are just predisposed to be a***holes. Some people are autistic, some are bipolar, some are gay, some are maternal, and some are just a***holes.

After my diagnosis, I revisited the question and concluded that I was right: 85% of the population are just a***holes and interactions with them should be minimized, if they can't be avoided entirely.

This isn't as bad as it might sound, since it means 15% of the population are perfectly fine. In any area with a reasonable population, this amounts to tens, if not hundreds or thousands of people. It just means new people need to be approached cautiously so that, if they are part of the 85%, you don't trigger their a***hole traits.

Also, I don't condemn the a***holes. I figure they serve a function. During human evolution having about 85% of the tribe be a***holes was probably a survival trait, since the a***holes could defend the tribe by fighting and killing members of hostile tribes without getting too broken up about it. That's why they have very sensitive antenna for anyone who might be an outsider — so those that are different (autistics, gays, etc.) can trigger the a***hole behavior.

Obviously, this isn't a rigorously worked out scientific hypothesis, but I find it a good working model. Other people's mileage may vary.

i dont know, i think it happens even if people dont know, they sort of sense weaknesses.

like i got bullied by my entire class except for 2 people all the way through primary school.


oh and high school was not as bad (secondary school) my class did NOT like me and were very unsubtle about it, if they had to share a book with me it was "oh god do i have to?" "yes as there isnt one for him" "oh god....." with me standing right next to them. I was always seen as highly...unusual and a bit....stupid. bear in mind that none of these people knew at any point, hell i didnt even know.

I think the worst people are my parents though, as they, especially my dad (whose side of the family i got it from by the way), try being ridiculed for everything you say wrong, being shouted at for hours because you didnt understand a social situation correctly and told to stop being afraid of change because your just being selfish. the amount of guilt tripping i get for being like this.

Oh man, the book thing happened to me too - they'd have the conversation as if I wasn't right next to them. I've also had other similar situations like when the class had to partner up in twos, and even though there was an even number of students, one kid wasn't able to be paired with any of his friends and he'd sit with 2 of his friends to work as a group of 3 and avoid working with me. The teacher would look around, seeing as I'm sitting by myself (as usual), confront the other kid who would just mumble that he has a partner, and the teacher just let it go and put me to work with another pair, so I was also in a group of 3 (that had treated me a nuisance, but I find it understandable, given the situation). It's dumb, but I guess I was also relieved she didn't force that kid to work with me because at that time, inside, I was just really angry and annoyed at that piece of sh*t. Working with him would have been more unbearable than how I felt the group had treated me.

People have treated me badly my whole life, even when I worked very hard to mask.

They instinctively sense when there's something 'off' about a person and they don't like it.

I agree with you on that; it's good to be reminded of this. Am dealing with some people now who should know better. I am reminded that when I myself feel insecure, I seldom go into attack mode; it would take overt aggression for me to do that. So why do they feel it's ok?