My autism is more noticeable than i think it is, relatable?

Post Reply New Topic

I wouldn't say my autism specifically is more noticeable than I think it is. My parents were in denial for much of my life that I had Asperger's, and others have also been skeptical that I'm autistic. Even my therapist (who specializes in autism) said that most people probably just think I'm a shy, anxious person rather than being autistic.

I will say this though. I definitely have a habit of believing I come across differently than I actually do. I was looking over pictures of myself the other day, and I noticed that I have a somewhat awkward posture in a lot of them. Not bad exactly, just odd. I try to do normal poses in pictures, but they still sometimes appear unusual.

Watching home videos is also a bit of an eye-opener. I often seem really quiet in them and hard to read. Watching them made me realize that even though I may feel a wide range of emotions on the inside, that they won't necessarily show on the outside. They may even appear as different emotions entirely. So I definitely need to work on being more expressive in my body language and facial expressions, but it's tough. I really envy how NTs can be so expressive without even thinking about it.

Yeah, definitely relatable.

I never really thought of myself as being that weird before this year. I remember a few months ago when it hit me that others probably think I'm super weird, I asked my dad, my brother, and a friend how weird I seem and they all basically said that I'm a super weird person but that I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Before then I assumed that I was doing a reasonably good job at blending in but it turns out I wasn't. In fact, when I asked my friend about it he said that my very noticeable weirdness is the reason he decided to try to talk to me in the first place because he's rather weird too, so apparently I kind of stand out.

Granted, I am getting better with social stuff. I still rarely make eye contact, I'm still super socially awkward, and I still tend to "info-dump" but I can hold a conversation fairly well even though it's bloody exhausting. I also talk to myself a lot which can be rather embarrassing.

The other day I was laughing, wondering how many people thought I was on the spectrum before I had a clue. I recently moved to a new city, so I'm not sure yet how people will percieve me here, but it will be interesting. I was in NYC, which is you know, NYC and now I'm in a smaller city in the midwst US. So who knowS?

My beloved suspected for quite a while, and was not at all surprised when I discussed my suspcions.
Someone else, whoes wee boy is on the spectrum had asked me point black if I was Aspergers, and was not entirely surprised when the result of my asessment came back.