"Other people are put off by your intensity" - what?!

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IstominFan
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31 Aug 2017, 9:00 am

I don't consider myself extremely talkative. I tend to be more quiet and serious, especially when I am at work. However, even I can't resist talking about a favorite subject. I choose things that are positive. I know people who talk about very negative subjects, such as gossip, depressing entertainment fare and personal problems. I am empathetic when someone is really going through a difficult time but a person who has a perpetually "glass half empty" outlook wears me out.

I have known speakers who wear me out with their intensity and, on the opposite side, speakers who drone on excessively in a John McEnroe voice. Those droners put me to sleep.



kraftiekortie
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31 Aug 2017, 9:02 am

^^^ LOL....you must find the New York accent droning

McEnroe speaks like many "rich" people from Queens---in a sort of "whiny" way.

He grew up in Douglaston, a ritzy area.



IstominFan
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31 Aug 2017, 9:08 am

It's really strange that a player known for his fiery temper outbursts on court should be such a boring commentator.



kraftiekortie
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31 Aug 2017, 9:12 am

I remember only rooting McEnroe against Bjorn Borg because I thought Borg was such a robot.

Otherwise, I found him to be a petulant type, a type I encountered all too often growing up in Queens.

Even though Jimmy Connors was sort of a petulant type, too, I liked him better than McEnroe. He let things slide more. He didn't argue with the umpires over every little thing.

By the way, a movie about the "Battle of the Sexes" between Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs is coming out. I saw that match on TV.



peregrina
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31 Aug 2017, 6:09 pm

IstominFan wrote:
I don't consider myself extremely talkative. I tend to be more quiet and serious, especially when I am at work. However, even I can't resist talking about a favorite subject. I choose things that are positive. I know people who talk about very negative subjects, such as gossip, depressing entertainment fare and personal problems. I am empathetic when someone is really going through a difficult time but a person who has a perpetually "glass half empty" outlook wears me out.

I have known speakers who wear me out with their intensity and, on the opposite side, speakers who drone on excessively in a John McEnroe voice. Those droners put me to sleep.


Those droners put me to sleep too. Hmm...you know what I did. I recorded what they said and played it to them a week later. :lol:



AngryAngryAngry
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31 Aug 2017, 7:33 pm

NT's are incredibly fickle.
They are afraid to talk about anything serious.
They don't enjoy talking about one topic for any length of time or in depth.

For them conversation needs to be about funny things - they will constantly joke, and try to be funny or make fun of serious situations.
NT's value a funny person above all others in society.



Keladry
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31 Aug 2017, 7:50 pm

StampySquiddyFan wrote:
Keladry wrote:
StampySquiddyFan wrote:
Keladry wrote:
StampySquiddyFan wrote:
I agree with Voxish. I don't just get intense with my emotions, but I can get really annoying very easily. In group situations I don't talk at all because I either dominate the conversation or I'm just silent. The only way to stop coming off as "too intense" when I am talking about something I'm excited about is to just not talk at all. I'm actually pretty quiet most of the time, though, unlike how I am here on this forum! :D


This pretty much describes me when I was younger/in highschool. The annoying part especially. I've gotten a little better with talking in group situations and am ok if it is a group with a focus (ie. for school or work) but a social group I still either dominate or am completely quiet...I can never seem to find the in between.


It's too hard! :D

My friends/acquaintances/whatever you want to call them always comment on how withdrawn I am in group conversations. I do better one on one.


Same here. I actually told a work friend today that I am on the spectrum, and she indicated that she was surprised because I "talk"..... but I talk to her one-on-one, and almost never talk at all in a group setting. She's also really talkative too so most of our conversations are her talking and me listening, lol.


That's pretty cool :lol: . Apparently, you can't talk with someone one-on-one if you have an ASD :roll: . People get so surprised when I talk, because I hardly do it at all except when I am having a one-on-one conversation. Like one time I gave a presentation in History, and everyone was shocked at how "loud" I was.


haha, of course ;)



hurtloam
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01 Sep 2017, 12:43 am

AngryAngryAngry wrote:
NT's are incredibly fickle.
They are afraid to talk about anything serious.
They don't enjoy talking about one topic for any length of time or in depth.

For them conversation needs to be about funny things - they will constantly joke, and try to be funny or make fun of serious situations.
NT's value a funny person above all others in society.


That's not true autism doesn't make us more intellectual.

Coming over like we think we're better than them will put them off. Being too forceful in our opinion and treating them like they're stupid off they can't see what we see will make anyone not want to discuss something with us.



IstominFan
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01 Sep 2017, 8:43 am

I agree, hurtloam. I don't like anybody who is patronizing.



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01 Sep 2017, 8:49 am

I've run into that multiple times too.

I have learned-- as have most of the people close to me-- that my apathy is a hell of a lot worse than my intensity.

I'm careful about it when I'm dealing with people that don't have a choice about dealing with me (my kids' teachers, friends' parents, transactional interactions). The people that choose to be part of my personal life?? They're either OK with intensity, we can have limited interactions (infrequently and in small doses), or they can just hit the ol' dusty trail.

It's been real, it's been cool. Don't let the door hit ya where the Lord split ya. Via con Dios, man. I'll be around if you change your mind, but I ain't changing for you.

I've discovered that I prefer to spend time with people who have their own intensity, and those people prefer to spend time with me.


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"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"


BirdInFlight
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01 Sep 2017, 9:20 am

Keladry: "I actually told a work friend today that I am on the spectrum, and she indicated that she was surprised because I "talk"..... but I talk to her one-on-one, and almost never talk at all in a group setting. "

I've had the same thing! Except I wasn't comfortable disclosing for "spectrum" with this particular person who was speaking to me, and in the context in which I needed to give information like this, I modified things to telling him I'm an "introvert."

It was part of the context of an issue we were discussing, and he was one of those people I knew that was all I could say to him rather than telling him outright about my ASD.

Well I was right not to go ahead about ASD, because clearly he didn't even properly understand simple introvertism, a concept far more commonly known!

Because when I said I am an introvert, he said "But you can talk."

Uh, YEAH . . . .I said I was an introvert, not "I'm mute/non-verbal". :evil:



kraftiekortie
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01 Sep 2017, 9:23 am

You see..."regular" people really have very little idea about the Spectrum.

They assume it's comprised of people like Rain Man, or "worse."



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01 Sep 2017, 9:37 am

Yes, so true.

And to think I even modified it all the way down from the autism spectrum to just "being an introvert," and he STILL had a completely wrong concept of even that. . . I just despair.



kraftiekortie
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01 Sep 2017, 9:44 am

Imagine if you told them about the birds in the park? :mrgreen:



BirdInFlight
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01 Sep 2017, 9:47 am

Or that I can talk for hours to the birds in the park, lol!



Keladry
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01 Sep 2017, 9:11 pm

BirdInFlight wrote:
Keladry: "I actually told a work friend today that I am on the spectrum, and she indicated that she was surprised because I "talk"..... but I talk to her one-on-one, and almost never talk at all in a group setting. "

I've had the same thing! Except I wasn't comfortable disclosing for "spectrum" with this particular person who was speaking to me, and in the context in which I needed to give information like this, I modified things to telling him I'm an "introvert."

It was part of the context of an issue we were discussing, and he was one of those people I knew that was all I could say to him rather than telling him outright about my ASD.

Well I was right not to go ahead about ASD, because clearly he didn't even properly understand simple introvertism, a concept far more commonly known!

Because when I said I am an introvert, he said "But you can talk."

Uh, YEAH . . . .I said I was an introvert, not "I'm mute/non-verbal". :evil:


Exactly. Sigh.

Funny you had that experience with describing yourself as introverted. Before I knew about my ASD, I told some colleagues that I am introverted and they didn't believe me (also because I "talk"). Sigh

And lol on your later post about the birds in the park ;)