Do all parens of autistic kids secretly hate them?

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My parents don't hate me, they just hate my Asperger's. I can't blame them. I hate it too. If it wasn't for my Asperger's, I would have been less challenging to bring up. But my parents still managed to look past my horrible disability and just love me as their daughter. Asperger's doesn't define me as a whole person, it is just something I have got. I have always been close to my mother, and she's done everything she can to support me, and I have always felt loved by my whole family.

It's like when my grandmother was alive and had Alzheimer's. We all hated her Alzheimer's, but we all loved her as a parent, sibling, auntie and grandparent. We were all devastated when she died, and we'd give anything to have her back with us, whether she has the disease or not.

I'd say yes. A lot of people have kids as a status symbol or to meet a social expectation. However, those two imply having a "normal" child. A child like me "doesn't count". Hence, my parents' resentment and vitriol toward me, even though I have an older sister, who's NT and as normal as "normal" can be. She was their favorite too.

I can honestly say I didn't rob my parents of a social life. When I was little, they had plenty of friends, and we had dinners at each other's places all the time. We even had picnics together and such. It wasn't until my family moved across the country when I was 10, that my parents became homebody recluses. But it was their own fault.

Once thing I will never understand: my parents would always go into massive fits of anger and/or spank me, every time I offered to go away and never come back. I mean, WTF? I thought I was offering them what I thought they wanted! Plus, life as a street urchin felt a lot more appealing to me than the hyper-strict environment I was growing up in. As a result, I figured my parents had me in order to have someone to boss around. Because according to their stories, my sister was an assertive child, and always stood her ground pretty well.

My parents are one of those rare types that love their children unconditionally.

But then again, my parents lived a pretty normal life, even when I had problems and habits that weren't so "normal".

But they don't hate my Asperger's either. They are very accepting of it, and since my diagnoses they have worked to make things more aspie friendly for me when I visit them and when we go out together.

It seems like I'm the only one on WP who has parents who aren't completely horrible. It makes me feel weird and guilty whenever I mention how mine are not.

I can’t speak for everyone but my mother definitely did. She wasn’t exactly secretive about it either.

I loved my children very much as children. As they went through puberty, though, they both became quite a handful. I don't secretly or openly hate them, but sometimes I don't want to be around them very long or they me. Our sensory issues can make each other's company difficult.

I laughed at this.

Whoever wrote the post on Reddit has not interacted with all parents of autistic children. The writer of the post is not telepathic

When a statement says "all" and there is one exception, the entire whole full statement is wrong



What is "hate" anyways? Dictionary definition.

"Hate " is a vague word

Wouldn't be surprised. Mine hated me but hid it. I knew they hated me when my niece (who lived with us because my brother couldn't find his own place) was allowed to do things I never was and just treated better. Even as adults, she's treated better than me. My boyfriend is also autistic and abused by his parents but the sister is treated like a queen. He says the abuse didn't start until after he was diagnosed. So I wouldn't be surprised.

My mother loves my very much, and she would go through hell and back for me and has proven that many times. This passionate loyalty in my heart came from somewhere of course

No, not all parents do, but my mom has always hidden a belief that males cannot be on the spectrum.

I did drive my mom up a wall as a kid, but she definitely loves me. We keep enough distance to stay out of each other's hair now.

To say that all parents of autistic children hate them is an inaccurate statement. Then there are the "autism parents." These parents expect people to pity and dehumanize autistic children and teens (and to a lesser extent, autistic adults) the same way they do this to their own children. They tend to believe in what anti-autism organizations (i.e. Autism Speaks) say about autistic people and are willing to or already have subjected their children to experimental (and potentially dangerous) "cures." They also often do things like post videos of their children having full-blown meltdowns on the Internet or refuse to vaccinate their future children based on the (false) belief that vaccines cause autism. When they say they hate autism, what they mean is that they hate autistic people as a whole.

I sometimes wonder if my mom is/was secretly an "autism parent." When I was younger, she would film or threaten to film me whenever I had severe meltdowns and show people. I think she showed the videos to ABA therapists because sometime after she started filming these meltdowns, I started getting punished afterwards rather than efforts being made to prevent meltdowns. Being punished was the cherry on top after all of the stress was released. Somehow, I think that if my mom knew anything she could have done to reduce the risk of having an autistic child, she would have taken those measures, which shows that people often focus more on the negative traits associated with autism. I tend to disagree a lot with my mom when it comes to autism matters such as our opinions of ABA therapy or how many friends I should have. She believes in ABA therapy and the concepts behind it, and she recently told me that when I was younger, she either wanted to or was recommended to use me as a "model" for how much autistic children can "improve" from ABA therapy. Even though my mom claims that she doesn't want me to be cured of autism, I sometimes think she might be lying do to what horrible things she allowed to be done to me in the past.

I sometimes can't tell if my mom secretly hates me or not because of how different our beliefs about autism are. I actually suggested seeing a family therapist to help us communicate with each other better several times, but the plan was never carried out. Until then, I will probably be arguing with her more as I get older and my desire to become independent strengthens.

As a parent of a child with autism, no, of course not. At times I have a very harsh dislike for autism. Do I sometimes wish I had an easier job as a parent? Of course I do. Do I sometimes gets frustrated with my son's inability to accomplish seemingly simple tasks? Of course. But hate him? C'mon. He's the sweetest kid ever.

I was very athletic, my kid isn't at all. That kinda sucks. But this morning, my 5-year-old wrote the whole Russian alphabet in block lettering on a piece of paper because he's seen it on YouTube a few times. He makes me laugh constantly. My favorite thing on this planet to do is to hang out and play with him.

The conversation about hating Autism, and whether or not I'd press the magic button to take away his autism if such a button existed is a difficult, nuanced question that I'm not sure I know the answer to. But I know a lot of parents who have kids on the spectrum, and I can assure you that not a single one of them secretly hates their child.