My therapist pretended not know what I'm talking about. Why?

Post Reply New Topic

" He also has some enforced gender stereotype issues that gets in magazines are for girls and others for boys.... here's what you need to do to help him".

That whole line really ticks me off. Chatelaine is NOT OF INTEREST to most males, even if nobody will see us with it. I'd as soon read a railway schedule. Reader's Digest at least has something for everyone, and a brevity suitable to a waiting room.

I wonder if my therapist was just 20 years ahead of her time. I mean, today, gender is up in the air and all over the place. But in 1996, a man reading "Good Housekeeping" would look weird, or even "gay". And when you're a 13-year-old boy, looking masculine is extremely important. I don't know why my therapist, with her Master's degree in psychology, pretended not to understand this simple fact, and instead asked me rhetorical questions. Especially considering that she was a family therapist, and probably read about the mindset of teenagers in her textbooks.

And speaking of railway schedules, I thought most of us aspies liked train schedules. I used to read those things when bored, and not just when waiting for a train.

I think its becuase it was described specifically as "effeminate".
Although now aspire has mentioned 20 years ago, I imagine this was the norm back then. Now we are very much pushing away from this type of thought.

I don't think housekeeping is OF INTEREST to women either though

I think the problem was more with your parents to be honest. Her job was to find out what's bothering you and explain to your parents how to improve your home life.
It seems your parents weren't really doing that.
Was it them who suggested it? Seems strange they'd make the effort to take you but not the effort to put anything they learned into action.

Do you need this therapist? To be honest I've tried several therapists before and only one was a bit helpful. They mostly just took notes and studied me. I did participate in a group therapy that taught us coping techniques and it was 10X better than other therapy sessions. It felt more like a class and learning new things, instead of venting about my problems. The thing is the more you talk to people about your problems the worse you'll feel about them. Bad feelings go around and multiply so it's not constructive to fixing any problem. You're not going to explode from not venting your problems. I don't know how old you are but you will not have to live with your parents forever. You'll "outgrow" them. Just put up with them a bit and start setting boundaries to establish your independence.

This therapist was in the past, middle school and high school. I'm now 35.

But my therapy was bad enough that it almost feels like PTSD. And that's why she was so bad: she made me rehash my sad or angry feelings, under the pretext of "helping me deal with them". When all she helped me do was turn to alcohol. (Maybe she owned stock in Jack Daniels.) Which I why I talk a lot about it. As well as to warn fellow aspies how awful therapy can be, and that the therapist's loyalty is not always to the patient.

I did try therapy twice as an adult. One was personable and cool to talk to, and even had really insightful comments on the psychology of travel, but he was too idealistic to be of much help; I harbor no ill feelings toward him. The other was friendly and marginally helpful, but she criticized my choice of not wanting to get married.

You know I had the same issue with every single therapist I had they never listened the ones I had just restated what I had said and when I brought issues I had they just ignored me completely.

Recently I’ve had an awakening I realize that therapist are just humans. And no matter what degree they have they still can’t save me nor help me in anyway. That’s just me though and I understand you 100%

One told me to grow up and be an adult. When I told her about my anxiety driving

I’m done seeking help from therapist though those people just want a freaking paycheck.

And that’s great if therapy worked for one of you guys but it doesn’t work for me

I sure wish you had mentioned the timing at the start of this thread. I thought you were still at home, and dealing with semi-current events.

Adding another situation, which happened when was 14. It was Thursday before Memorial Day weekend. The therapist spent much of the session pushing my emotional buttons until I was I on the verge of bursting into tears. Even so, I knew better than to cry in front of her, in order not to let her think she "won". Not to mention, she knew she pretty much ruined my weekend. And when I called her out on it, she pretended not to know what I'm talking about. The other situations at least had some response; this one was just "oh, OK". Of course, the non-answer was intentional, meant to keep me from asking additional questions.

Situation 5
Aspie1: "It's the beginning of summer, and a three-day weekend too! I planned on taking a trip to a zoo, to see animals. (by myself, on a city bus) I should be in a good mood; I've been wanting to go for months, but it was too cold. And now, thanks to you, this is going to hang over my head all weekend! Why did you do that to me?"
Therapist: (staring blankly at me like she doesn't speak English) "Oh, OK."
Possible motive: "Let me see what it takes to make this kid cry; it's for his own good."
What created this situation: She wanted to teach me to "get in touch with my feelings" , and decided that rubbing my misery in my face was a good way to go about it.
What should have been said: "I guess my actions were ill-timed. When would you have preferred to talk about it?" (and accept "never" as a valid answer) Or, as a fantasy: "I can refer you to a psychiatrist who can prescribe you antidepressants." Actually, anything other than "oh, OK".

When I got home that night, I couldn't sneak any liquor, because my parents were up later than usual. I tossed and turned for over an hour, before falling into a restless sleep.

So what does everyone think of Situation 5?

Bad therapist who didn't take your feelings into account. Fortunately in your case that's in the past and you managed to cope pretty well in spite of her.

There are things I also felt uncomfortable to tell my therapist when I was about 12 or 13, as I thought he'd probably discuss such revelations with my folks when he reported back to them. At times I felt I was putting on an act for him and would draw things he asked me to, with his expectations in mind.

But I never had the impression in my case that he was belittling me in any way. This woman sounds like she was just trying to fill the time and not being much practical help.

I'm glad you've been able to move on.

I think you imagining more hostility than she was intending. More likely, she had no idea what she was doing, but had gotten better results by saying things like that to NTs. John Cleese did a survey, and concluded that maybe 10% of professionals actually understand their work, while the rest are faking it one way or another. Instead of re-hashing a muddle, try to have new experiences with people more likely to be able to work with you.

None of those answers seem objectionable to me, though I agree that psychologists (certainly every one I've got to know) are generally useless at best and more often positively harmful.

What I don't get is why, if you despise her so much - which may well be justified - you don't ditch her. There's no law requiring you to attend her sessions, even if you're under the age of eighteen (and I assume you're older than that, unless you joined this site at the age of four).

Well, wouldn't you expect someone with a Master's degree in psychology to understand simple facts? That parents can be over-obsessed with order and discipline. That parent do have favorite siblings. That kids don't like/respect a dorky aspie for who he is, until he shows respect-worthy traits. And so on. There's no benefit of doubt here; someone who has a Master's degree has to know these things. Then why was she pretending not to?

She's not someone I'm seeing now. I used to see her when I was a weak, vulnerable teenager. Heck, if I were seeing her today, I'd be gaslighting her. She, in turn, would be writing angry posts online, about a stupid client who just doesn't understand feelings. And wants her to actually work at helping him, rather than fall for dumb platitudes.

Absolutely NOT! A Master's degree only tells me what field a person might think they know about. John's survey was specifically about "experts in their field." The world is full of people pretending to be smarter than they are, and half of those even fool themselves.

I am a high school dropout who has lectured to graduating engineers, and am continually amazed at how obtuse they can be, persisting in doing things the hard way. People have successfully perpetrated stock frauds for years, when their brochure clearly violates even gr 11 physics and math, let alone university level stuff. Whole teams of archaeologists have gone off to prove that ancient stone buildings could have been crafted with bronze chisels, without learning how to maintain them. They treated them like steel chisels, reducing their performance. I can't imagine things being any better in the fuzzy sciences.

When Deep Blue was playing Boris Spassky, things were fairly even, and then the computer made an amazing move. Nobody could understand it, and Boris figured he was under some very tricky threat. He tried to counter it as much as he could, but wound up losing the game. Later we learned that the strange move was a mistake - generated at random by a bug in the program. Moral of the story: Don't be Boris. s**t happens, but it does not usually deserve analysis.

Yes, a Master's degree in psychology will teach a person book smarts about the human mind. The information in my quote doesn't take any book smarts. It's life. A high school dropout will know those things, let alone someone with a Master's degree. Especially considering that she might have learned those things in the classes she took. Then why would she pretend to have no idea what I'm talking about when I brought them up during sessions? The only reason I can think of is her primary loyalty being to my parents, not me, so she had to deny that they were the source of my unhappiness. But why else?