Travel Anxiety

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Good point.

I said I get it. I didn't touch the issue of reasonableness.

So I didn't go. For now. My girlfriend also had reservations. Primarilly about the cost. Of course she wouldn't fear venturing into her home country.

As for me, I feel like a coward. Plenty of other people go to foreign countries so why can't I? Part of the problem was that leaving on September the 2nd just felt so soon. If it was a few months from now I wouldn't mind, though by the time the departure date drew close it may be the same problem.

The other problem, the thing that truly terrified me to the core of my being, was the prospect of using squat toilets. I already feel major anxiety about using public toilets but the ones that exist in China are just on a whole other level. I know it sounds funny but the prospect of using a bizzaro toilet type while in public scares me.

Imagine dealing with that for weeks on end and also dealing with people who don't speak English. I used to say I could just go to Hong Kong because everyone in Hong Kong speaks English. But at the moment Hong Kong isn't safe to travel to.

...Yeah, can't relate to that one. Native English speakers have a priviledge they are't always even aware of when traveling; in most places there are at least some people who speak some English, but a non-native English speaker who doesn't speak the country's actual language usually has to not only deal with a foregein country but to speak a foregein language (usually English) and worry if they're speaking it well enough to be understood instead of just wondering if the locals will speak good English.

That said, I made a few day trip to Sweden a few weeks ago. My Swedish skills are limited to two sentences and maybe a twenty or so random words, so I had to get by with English, a language that I'm fluent (or at least close) with in writing and reading, but poor with speaking and have trouble with understanding accents. I got out alive and without getting traumatized or anything so all's good, but in this sense traveling really is so much easier for native English speakers. Just imagine the anxiety you'd have if you weren't one.

I think it was all a bit much in one go when you have so much else going on. It might be a good idea to prepare for

this coming up again in the future. Either learn some phrases and get in some squat toilet practice, or think up a

really good excuse why you can't travel.

If you two break up, you will have to pay back the $90,000. You should be thinking of how you would be able to do

that if it came to that too. It doesn't matter what was said between you, it will look to a court like she saw the

$90,000 as an investment in your joint future and joint home. The nicer the breakup, if it comes to that, the more

likely she will let you pay it over time so you don't have to sell. Could you remortgage, has house value gone up?

^I don't mean that to sound like I think the toilet thing is a joke, I hate all public toilets and totally get why squat ones make you anxious.

I have had travel anxiety forever (first big memory as a kid having a meltdown on the subway). That said, I love new experiences even though they are stressful for me. So I do it.

I married an immigrant from a third-world country and travel there (and with him internationally elsewhere). A first time to his country, then 10 years later, than 5 years, then 3 years, then even lived there two months last year. I had a really hard time the first time, didn't speak the language so well, etc. But it was doable and I don't regret it. The time 3 years ago was great: I could speak the language sufficiently and let go of all expectations - let my partner direct our activities and just went along with it. I was so relaxed that way.

Tips: Adjust expectations (very forgiving of yourself and others), know you'd need recovery time. When stressed I lost things, so I recommend someone else carry items, or a bag that goes over my shoulder to put everything in.

I had to LOL when a recent online test asked "Do you bump your head on low thresholds" because in my husband's country I once bumped my head on the same low bathroom door threshold FOUR times within the same hour.

Putting aside anxiety and bruises, the experience is always amazing.