Why do NTs sometimes react angrily to people with AS?

Post Reply New Topic

There's a lady in here right now who reacts angrily to me a lot, then at other times she's sweet. It seems I provoke this reaction in her when I do aspie related things that annoy her. I used to think she was just plain mean but my boss says she has emotional problems like OCD and Bipolar disorder. Once she told me that, I now write everything the lady says to me off as her having one of her days, just like I have my days. It can get frustrating but as long as I remember she has mental issues it seems to not affect me because I understand it more.

Taks, ChelseaOcean!
I hope to read more from you here on the forum!

S.

You mean NTs are capable of explaining the motives behind their bizarre behavior?
I've never gotten such an explanation. I think it is largely because they themselves do not comprehend why they do what they do, and so can not think rationally about why we behave differently.

jfberge, thanks for the kind words.

I find that insight particularly interesting.

If, as I understand, it is true that a big piece of what is neuro-anatomically unique about the brains of aspies is a weak connection between the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex, it could explain this phenomenon. I have read some things regarding the evolution of the brain in vertebrates that suggest that the limbic system developed in response to the need to defend territory. Inasmuch as this is true, it describes the evolutionary function of love and hate (and other related emotions) as the tools used to protect territory. We love that which is a part of our territory and hate that which impinges upon it. In this way, territorial animals work up the requisite gumption to defend and protect said territory.

The prefrontal cortex is a more recent phenomenon, evolutionarily speaking. It is exclusive to the big-brained mammals and most developed in humans. It is the cognitive center, responsible for the creation of complex concepts. NTs have what is described as a “superhighway” of connectivity between these two brains. Because of this, their concept-creation functioning is intimately tied to their emotional-limbic responses. They literally feel their way through social environments. Aspies, by contrast, have what has been described as a “dirt road” of connectivity between these brains. Thus, their concept-creation functioning is emancipated (my word) from the limbic responses. This doesn’t mean aspies don’t experience emotion, just that the emotions don’t have such a profound effect on concept formation.

Which, I think, would explain why NTs would be drawn in by their limbic-centered pets. A cat has a limbic system, and therefore experiences emotion and exhibits emotion. That ain’t the same as conceptualization, but since NTs have concepts and emotions conflated at the neurological level, they wouldn’t necessarily make the distinction.

Hmm... i like much of what is said, and I agree we are all understanding of this issue.

I know I get mad at others because I expect them to react/do something the way I would have done, like be polite, clean up after yourself ect. I realize that even tho I am polite and am the only person at work to clean their table afterwards, the rest are NTs, and wont see the world as I do, or draw the same conclusions. I have always gotton really pissed if someone said the wrong thing to me, and it seems the same is happening with them. The difference is they get pissed cause i gave them the 'wrong answer' to their question, or responded in a way they feel I should not have, it happens at work. It must be an auditory processing thing, cause I always must ask 'what' and sometimes still dont understand, this pisses ppl off, especally if they give simple directions and I cant follow them, they make me feel stupid.

I generally see this as people having problems with people. What one person is accustomed to doesn't mean that anyone else is going to, and what they do doesn't mean it is something the other is going to do. People don't bend on these things easily, and it causes anger. There are plenty of situations like this where it doesn't really matter if it is an NT or not, people just aren't going to understand other people.

Although I'm not saying this is the case here, by any means, you can't neglect the fact that some of us are just jerks too.

I happen to be a jerk, so I'm really getting a kick out of some of these replies.

Yes -- what I meant was "are there any more NTs" out there reading this. Thanks for your insights which I am digesting! I have a big problem with NTs expressing anger towards me. I am usually too shocked at the time to ask the reason for it.

My question is really a very narrow one. I am interested in exactly what it is about aspies' behaviour (or lack of it!) that riles NTs

In general, it's probably because you either do things too fast or too slow, or because you don't respond/act in a predictable way, or because you're talking too much or too little or said something inappropriate. All those things are confusing because they don't fit into what the person was expecting, and therefore can be frustrating, which can lead to anger. If you're fairly young (say, under 18.), it's also because people that age also have a more difficult time coping with things in general.

It's not purely an AS/NT thing (I mean, I get angry with my husband a lot less often than I do with a lot of people) but it does happen more often with people who are very different from each other, and a stereotypical person with AS is of course very different from a stereotypical NT. (Though it's probably worth pointing out that I don't actually know any of these horrid jerk NTs that people on this board are always complaining about and I'm not actually convinced they exist.)

Does that help? I can't tell you specifically why people get mad at you without knowing what you're doing when they do, but if you can tell me what you were doing, I might be able to tell you why that might be likely to anger someone else.

Because people with AS (just like NTs) can be annoying? I've got AS and I attend a treatment centre and there are some other AS people there who I consider annoying. I mean if some idiot comes running up yelling 'look what I did' and then shows that he's written a dollar sign on his palm then I'd get annoyed whether be be Aspie or NT.

The individual in question was a fellow aspie, he wanted to be a white rapper (or white crapper IMO) and called himself Silva Dollar (never mind that that he was Irish and not American and his 'rapping' was a fiasco.) And he was 21 at the time.
He also used to interrupt people and like many disgusting Irish youths was in the habit of spitting on the ground when in public

I think the best thing you can do is ask. I know you just said that because you're out of sorts when the anger happens, you can't ask, but NTs do remember things - try going back half an hour later and asking what it was you did wrong, and explain why you're asking "I have this neurological condition meaning I find it very hard to read people's emotions and react appropriately, and if you don't tell me what I did wrong I'll probably just keep doing it, if you can tell me then hopefully I can avoid making you angry again," or something like that.

Thanks for your comments which have given me a lot to think about. The problem is that I don't know what it was that I was doing that provoked the anger! It seemed to come out of the blue and as far as I'm concerned, I wasn't doing anything "wrong".

In my case: "normal" people have always assumed the worst of me when I haven't spoken to them. For some reason, if you don't exhibit social ques whether verbal or non- it means you don't like said "normal" people in their minds’ eye. People also don't like it when I respond to their emotions differently than what they [innately] expect. Queue anger at me.

The door swung both ways obviously; though in my defense, I never knew anything was wrong with me at the time, so I couldn't write on a piece of paper stating my thoughts and give it to them for example.

I learnt to assume the worst of people by people erroneously assuming the worst of me; the irony.

Yes that seems like a perfectly reasonable and logical thing to do. I've thought about doing the same thing. Until I read posts from a few people on this board who have and the NT's would just stare at them like they had two heads.

Well, I'm not sure if it would work with a complete stranger, or even someone who was only a vague aquaintance. You'd likely need to take the time to explain what AS is if the person you're talking to doesn't already know, and I expect that many people see what they'd consider a mental health issue (yes, I know they're wrong, but I'd expect that's what they'd think) so that's not appropriate with someone you don't know well, but for friends? I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with someone who looked at me as if I had two heads if I told them that I needed help with this.