Aspies and ageing

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I am 27, but I feel like I am in my 40s mentally. I also have difficulty meeting like-minded people.

Tim

I can relate to the having no help problem. It's difficult in many ways, if your car breaks down, or whatever. I don't think 'maid' is the right word, Zeno, that's a servant, people just need a helping hand occasionally.

Plants can be watered in a number of ways if you're absent, just do a google search.

Luckily for me I do know one lady here who is half-crazy too and a dog/plant lover, she also lives alone like I do. She knows a lot of people here too, so I get all the gossip. I think maybe it's best to look for friendship with the other outcasts, people with bipolar/borderline or whatever - most of my 'friends' have had some kind of problem, although in hindsight it's better to avoid those with drug and alcohol problems. I own two whippets (lilke a small greyhound) and this other lady is also a whippet owner, so she just came up to my car (I had the dogs in the car) and introduced herself. We visit regularly now, she is a dog minder for other local people too.

Is there any kind of 'mental health' support or social activities group in your town? I don't know if this sort of thing exists in the middle east.

In many ways I organize my life around the fact that I have no help. Lately I been thinking about buying a ute (pickup truck in the USA) that has a hydraulic lift/gate at the back. Could come in very handy for furniture!

Maybe cacti and succulents would be a good category of plant for you if you're away a lot.

You are very welcomed ChatBrat.

Wanting help is not quite the same as wanting company. You can always pay people to take care of things for you. Like walk your dog, pick up your laundry, clean up the apartment, or even water the plants when you are not around. It takes money and probably the Yellow Pages but it can be done. And since the relationship is commercial and kept at arm’s length, you never have to worry about that person judging you.

But if you want people to do things for you because they are your friends/family/lovers and they like/love you, it is a different ball game. In other words, do you want the plants to stay alive or do you want someone else to validate your existence? Naturally if you are financially strapped, like many people here are, it can be hard to tell the difference. But knowing what you want and why you want it is important. There is no possibility of happiness if your desires are wrong or unattainable. Everyone on the spectrum needs to ask: What are my limitations? And to proceed from there to live the best life possible.

I am one of the fortunate ones here. I don't have a really active social life, and am not currently in a relationship, but I do have friends at work and on my cat site and I do have a close relationship with my family, especially my mother. I have a lot of pets, too, and they are a source of comfort to me. I spend much of my time by myself reading, doing puzzles and writing, so I keep mentally active.

I never got round to thanking everyone for the very thoughtful comments on this thread.

To the person who thought I was looking for a maid: I could pay a hundred people to come water my plants, but I wouldn't give the key of my house for a whole month to anyone except a friend. Cooperation and solidarity is NOT the same as hiring a maid.

Thanks, Sora but I gave up on people years ago. God knows I tried absolutely everything I could think of and more, read as much as a human can and had decades of therapy and support groups and self-help workshops. It only got worse. I tried being myself, not being myself, changing myself, not changing myself...you name it.

Hartz, you're such a nice, interesting and wise person that I always thought you had tons and tons of people queuing up to be your friend... And I'm sorry to hear you're not in good health...

Hi Greentea!

My daughter Smelena and I have met some of the members on WP. My husband and I met SleepyDragon and her two sons, and Quatermass last year. Yesterday we met again at Smelena's house. This visit included SleepyDragon, her mother visiting from Canada and her 2 sons, Smelena and her 3 sons (two diagnosed), Smelena's husband, and my husband and I.

Meeting SleepyDragon for the second time cemented our friendship as far as I am concerned. We have talked regularly on WP and on skype throughout the year but actually meeting is a big boost.

Smelena has met with some London aspies on her way back to Australia from a holiday in Portugal. The highlight of her few weeks in Portugal staying with an old school friend or meeting the London aspies?? The highlight was meeting the aspies in London.

I am NT and my exposure to aspergers has been for the last two years with my beloved grandsons. So any insights I have may be way off the mark.

I suspect that getting to know someone on line is good because we get to know one another mind to mind and can ignore any distracting physical quirks. You can choose your friends on line. Then the act of hugging - or not hugging - in real life forms a stronger bond.

My idea of a holiday now is to visit my aspie friends as part of the package. Face to face we may be shy and awkward but still it will be fun and deepen the bond. Postpaleo has told me to drop in any time. But if he knows in advance that I am coming he will be out...and he seldom goes out!

So my suggestion is that you meet someone on your next trip or holiday that you already know on line.

Jim (husband) and I are having a second visit with SleepyDragon in a few days. She is holidaying a few hours south of us and we will stay in a motel near her for two nights. We will only see her for as many hours as she can stand on one day and I am really looking forward to it again.

If you ever come to Australia...

I was indeed surprised that someone had met Smelena, since I did remember she lived in a remote country. Now I understand, she was visiting in Europe.

You've given me a new life goal, a thrilling one!! I'll indeed start planning a trip to meet some people from here. I once flew to Rome to meet an online friend, and it was wonderful. We've been online friends for 7 years now, and he'll probably come see me at some point too.

All of you are invited to visit me, and you get a complimentary tour of Jerusalem with me as a guide and Middle Eastern dinner!

I think you sartreuse had talked about wanting to come visit??

I am so glad that I gave you a new goal, Greentea.

We NT's who love our aspie friends are aware of overloading the senses. So we keep checking up that they are okay...we've seen our meltdowns and knows what causes them And we all hate small talk! And anyone can retreat.

Aspie to aspie friendship would have that basic understanding too.

By the way, with NT/aspie meetups Smelena has discovered a maxim - you need several aspies for one NT. The NT is not bright enough and so the aspies can spark off each other. It takes a while for Helen's brain to engage at the level of the aspie!