Did Real Misery Start At Puberty?

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I have to say misery was a well establish phenomenon here long before puberty.

Didn't begin to get better until I was about 15.

I think I was oblivious until about 16-17, this was when I really saw life for what it really was, I think I developed slower then the other kids and still thought like a kid even during the first years of high school, then the saddness, depression kicked in as I realized how different (i must have been blind prior too) i am to the others and that I may never achieve in life. Now I am happier, tho still not completly fufilled.

OregonBecky,

Junior high was the worst time of my life, due to the presence of some very large and mean bullies. However, a change of schools worked wonders for me. I also found solace in a pet, my Siamese cat, Samantha. She came into my life at a crucial time and was my best friend for 20 years. Since then, I have had more pets, and all have enriched my life.

16-20 where the worst years of my life. I don't think it was due to anything outside myself though. It was more like I just lost my youthful vitality. It got harder and harder to get out of bed and I was more and more painfully aware of everything. It was almost physical depression where I felt like I was trapped in a rotting corpse, unable to experience any pleasure or excitement. I lost interest in most of my childhood obsessions too. I also thought about suicide for a period of time.

It started for me at age 10 when I was taken out of a montessouri school that I had attended for 3 years continuously and sent to public school. Then it became a continuously spiraling meltdown starting at age 11, when a bully moved into my family life. This lasted until a psychologist introduced me to AS at age 36.

Meh, bad things have been happening to me for as long as I can remember, so I became suicidal around the age of 8. It was at this age that I realized I was fundamentally different from other people, that they had something I didn't and never would have. I thought that everybody hated me, and my parents constantly pressuring me to get perfect grades (because I was the family 'genius') didn't help either. It only made me feel worse and worse. Being in school didn't help.

When I was 5, I spent every day walking around in circles trapped in a fantasy world. When I was 6, I got my first attack, a bunch of kids throwing ice at my head. When I was 7, my teacher would openly insult and make fun of me in front of students for always getting answers wrong. When I was 8, I was punched very hard in this nose until I bled, and I had to go to the office; I had a scar on it for a few months. Age 9 is when people started to follow me around and make fun of me when I did my circular walks. When I was 10, I was in the class for 'smart' kids, none of whom I made friends with because I was the 'gay' one. 11 wasn't too bad, I had the best teacher of my life, and two friends. In Grade 7 a bunch of kids found dog s**t in the middle of winter, they picked it up with a spoon and tossed it into my hair while I was circle walking. When I was in Grade 8, kids would regularly follow me so they could beat me up or make fun of me, if they were feeling tame. In Grade 9 I befriended some stoners, but they mostly wanted my money, and I was robbed a couple times, and one time they all started holding me down and beating me up, I nearly had a concussion. Grade 10 is when I became avoidant, I didn't want any relationships with people, I began to fear them. Right now is Grade 11, I am used to being alone, and not having friends has become normal to me. There are no more bullies, I have learned that complete social avoidance is the best way to evade them. Throughout all of this, I have had to deal with turbulent family issues, like my step dad having sex with my sister, my mom dating my brother's friend, my brother trying to kill my dad, my entire family telling me that I am a f**kup who will never succeed in life, yadda yadda yadda you get the idea.

So for me at least, being miserable was something that started from a very young age, being a teenager has only made me realize that it was bad, when I was a kid I thought this sort of thing was normal.

OregonBecky,

What breed of dog was your Samantha?

Definitely got worse as soon as the hormones kicked in.

I can relate to alot of what Merle posted...actually can't wait until menopause here...hoping to regain a little more of my sanity.

I had Aspie episodes from early on - being bullied, etc. I was lucky to have attended a very odd elementary school - Fairview Elementary in Fairfax Station, VA. In the late '50s and early '60s, it was mainly a rural area, and was filled with kids who were coming or going because of their dad's goverment job. None of the kids stayed long enough to get real secure. Still, I was called a braggart early on, and was bullied by some the West Virginia kids in the area. (Never did figure out why they were there to begin with.)

All hell broke loose in 7th grade, when we moved down to Warrenton, VA and I experienced the South for the first time. I was a very skinny kid, too young for my age, and the rednecks picked me out as their meat. Still, I was never threatened with physical violence until we moved to Lexington, NC the next year.

Now we have the real South, with rednecks and a mill town to boot. All the kids wanted to fight all of the time. I was a skinny, happy go lucky kid who always managed to say the wrong thing, and was literally running for my life.

I was basically happy during my teen years as long as I wasn't being bullied, and coped with that by being a loner who would arrive at school late, and sneak out early. I was happy within myself and my interests, but was a bad student, and hated school. Ironically, I was given an IQ of 147 in young life, and could read on a 9th grade level in the 2nd grade. Lost all interest in school in the 5th grade, and never recovered. I never could figure out why they hated me. I didn't want to be hated, and tried to fit in, but always failed. Now. I know why, but I still carry a lot of hatred for some of those people.