anyone ever wish they were "more autistic"?

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No.

I do. Especially when I'm in the middle of a meltdown. It feels like if I were more autistic, people wouldn't expect so much from me. They wouldn't say absolutely stupid things like, "Just cheer up dear, it can't get any worse?" I always feel like screaming "WTF! How do you know it can't get worse! I'm standing in the deepest hole I've ever seen and there's some a**hole with a shovel standing next to me, digging me further in. So, how the hell do you know?" Or my very favourite, "Have a nice day, dear." First of all, don't tell me what kind of day to have. You are just adding to the pressure! And am I supposed to commit suicide if I have a crappy day? Give me a break!

Hmmm....kinna went on a tangent, there, huh? Oh well....just something I think about sometimes.

No.

Sid :O)

I did want to be less verbal because my verbal skills give a misleading impression because of my cognitive dysfunction is not what you would expect. At the same time I am really curious, still holding out on various treatments. I hate uncertainty most of all.

This is the fallacy of the ‘higher’ and ‘lower’ functioning. IQ is to provide a 'baseline' to show where you have deficiencies within the test limitations. On its own it isn't necessarily a good indicator of function at all. Why is less that 70 lower functioning? It is meaningless.

Sometimes I wish that it was more obvious that I have problems, but in truth I really would want a lower functioning level than I have now.
The word "level" is a palindrome.

It's not "your own little happy world of disconnection" the more autistic you are, it's "this world hurts so freaking much, so I'll just sit down and rock the pain away/bang my head against the wall".

There's no escape from the physical world [other than death] like there is from the social world.

Because I'm higher up (I think) in the scale, I usually, if anything, just come across as a little weird, I'm not obviously different, which is good and bad.

Most of the time it's good, cause I can just get on with things and not need any extra supervision or special considerations. However, when I struggle with stuff or have a bad reaction to something others reactions are not as good and when I try to tell them the problem they think I'm, well, taking the piss.

If realistically I could somehow become lower functioning or more obvious, I probably wouldn't choose it as I have the suspicion that it wouldn't exactly make my life easier, probably the opposite

I'm glad I'm at the level I'm at, because I can attend a normal college, and presumably have NT friends, a spouse, and a good career in the future. However, more and more I hate being so borderline. No one believes that I have anything wrong with me, and they think Im just shy, or just need to try harder, etc. They don't realize how anxious and crippled I feel sometimes, and how hard basic things are for me, because I seem smart, and mostly normal socially and otherwise. I'm tired of being told to stop worrying about things, or stop obsessing over random things, or to go out and do more with people, etc. It doesn't work that way with me. I feel that if it was more obvious I had marked social deficiencies, I'd feel a lot less pressure to be normal and fit in.