I don't belive anyone with AT/AS has gotten + stayed married

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The father of my best friend has Aspergers and he's been happily married for 30+ years.
I don't really see what the problem would be...

Marriage happiness is what you make of it.

You could say that 99% of married NT couples are unhappily married too.

When you're going out, it's possible to feel things - several people have admitted to that here - eg: particularly when you're SAD after a break up.

The feelings and looks in the eyes don't necessarily last in a long marriage but every once in a while they come back. Also - you can work at it. Marriage, particularly with kids is sort of like living with your parents/family. You irritate the living daylights out of each other sometimes but you always know that you'll be accepted.

Of course, you obviously have to give up other things, freedom to go off with other people etc... and you sacrifice a lot of other things - I do a lot of housework etc,

You need to decide whether you're willing to accept the trade offs for the family - and have to choose a partner that will do the same.

I have been married for 21 years to an NT....We dated for 6 months before we became engaged and were married one year..to the day of our first date.. We have had 5 children, 4 at home and one stillborn beloved son..No one knows what the stars hold for each of us, there have been many highs of happiness and a few true levels of sadness.Life is what we are dealt with and how we must handle it.....It is still difficult to be a person with asperger in this world.....

Marriage is work no matter what. I'm on my second marriage, yes, but the first time around it was dishonesty and other issues that kept us from ever truly forming a cohesive unit. My "new" wife and I just passed our 7 year mark and have a 2yr old son together. We are open about our feelings, or lack thereof, and honest with each other about why we choose to stay together despite the fact that I'm nearly impossible to live with. I'd say I'm happily married but I'm not really sure what happiness is. I do know though that things could be far worse for me and far better for her, so I'm not bemoaning my fate in the least.

ProtossX, You still are young, 3 girls are just that..girls..... Give yourself a few years to seek the right woman for you....

It's all subjective and what you make of it. I'm on husband number 3. All husbands have been NTs. First husband died, so can't really speculate on that much. Second husband and I spent 12 miserable years together and 10 miserable years apart. Now have aspie 16 year old son. He's living with dad. He's miserable. I think it's the ex. I remember spending a lot of time being told to stop being so damn weird and being told to fit in a box. Spent a lot of time trying to fit in a box that so obviously was not even made at the same factory as me and definitely not for toys like me.
Husband number 3 is NT with sometimes aspie traits. He seems more patient on a whole with my oddities. He says sometimes that he doesn't consider me AS but then proceeds to tell me all my oddities that prove it. We've been together 7-1/2 years. Lived together for 6 of those. Evidently some of my talents outweigh my oddness.
We have moments. Fights are definitely more intense. All feelings around here are more intense. But you learn. I know he's the first person out of all the men in my life that I've really let touch me. I can't look in his eyes often, but when I do notice that they are startlingly crystal clear blue. Are there feelings? Yeah. I'm often told that I don't trust him. That I don't feel as strongly as he does. But I don't think it's less, I just think my ability to express it to him is different and sometimes he can't figure it out.
We work at it. Other times we poke sticks at it. Will it last? Dunno. Do I hang on to every day? Not necessarily. Do I feel completely and utterly at a loss? Yes, most of the time. What does it all mean in the concept of the world as a whole? Nothing.

One NT guy proposed to me several times, but I repeatedly assured him that it wasn't a good idea. I hadn't even self-diagnosed yet at that point, but I knew myself well enough to know that I don't feel or show love the way others do, I'm dreadful at compromising, prefer to be alone and undisturbed most of the time, and have serious intimacy issues. Being a very honest and religious person, I'm not inclined to get up in front of God and everybody I know and make vows that I seriously doubt I can keep. Plus he was always saying stuff like, "You love that computer more than me!" or asking me, "Why are you upset?" when I wasn't upset or anything. So it's not as if he deeply understands me.

My parents (aspie father) didn't stay married.

My first husband is an NT. He's a buttplug, but he is an NT.
My 2nd husband is SOMETHING ELSE. What he has I don't know, but he is NOT an NT.
I think he's ADDOCD anti-social, socio-psycho path. But hey, he's not AS.

My dad is married to an NT.

My NT boyfriend and I aren't married, but we've been together almost six years.

My wife and I have been a couple for 9 years. It never would have happened if she didn't drag me out of my shell and show endless patience, really she had to do all the work in the beginning. We fight on a regular basis about our social life and we have trouble communicating. I can't read her mind and she doesn't always care for my being brutally honest. Take all the differences of a man and a woman that makes marriage tough to begin with and then just add another layer of differences and communication barriers. It's a challenge and there are times when I think between going to work and handling that at home that I won't have the energy to get out of bed tomorrow and I just want to take off and be alone again. But that passes. The hardest part though it that we just don't really get each other. If you're looking for soulmate type of stuff I'm not sure that can happen. I'd have to say out of everything the hardest part of my marriage has been coming to the realization that my wife is 'one of them' and we'll never really connect the way I feel like we should.

How to people with AS handle having children? That's like social interaction 24x7 and the idea scares me to death.

Sounds too familiar! lol

Me & my hub are NT and we are one of the very few happy couples we know.

My AS BIL (hub's bro) has been married quite happily for ~15 years. They have a kid, too. Sure, there are issues, but the couple seems very happy.

My wife and I may have had our trouble spots but what marriage doesn't??

It's only in the movies where romance fills the room with "love" and everything's just perfect.

In real life, "Love" means "choice" and "hard work" and "commitment", and that's commitment to the effort required to keep a relationship strong, not merely avoiding screwing other people.

That's a level of effort not portrayed on TV and many people, NT and Aspie alike, aren't willing to put in because we're spoiled with the "give it to me now with no effort" world we're currently living in. Not to mention "If it feels good, do it / if it doesn't feel good, don't bother" which has evolved since the 60's.


Wanna' have a good relationship? Start by smashing your TV and silencing its marketing lies!!

It also helps to find a woman who's gotten tired of the NT mindgame thing, and welcomes a little blunt honesty. (It would also help for the ASD partner to study how to employ tact - people can take the truth better with a little sugar coating.)

I was married for almost ten years to a pathological liar, who thought I'd be a good meal ticket (since when we married, the AS diagnosis didn't exist yet). That fell apart when she realized I couldn't provide for her in the manner to which she'd like to become accustomed, so she moved along. (And didn't sign the divorce papers for another six freaking years.) After that, I met a wonderful lady in an online chatroom (back when AOL had chatrooms divided by region). We met in person at a picnic sponsored by AOL, and never looked back. (I knew she was the one when, for reasons I can no longer recall, I started singing Tom Lehrer's "Poisoning Pigeons In the Park", and she joined in enthusiastically and at high volume.)

We've been together for over a decade now, and a few years back, added another husband to the mix. (That works out because he's ADD, so he can do the social-interaction stuff, and I can provide companionship when he's distracted by a shiny.)

Having children isn't really like "social interaction 24/7" - your own children don't tend to have any expectations of you, nor do they react badly if you miss a cue. (It helps when at least one of the kids is on the spectrum too!)

even with all these responses I still find this VERY hard to believe that so many here have said that they are married I would really like to see some percentages of people with AT/AS who get married because I do not feel this is an accurate display of things

Im not saying its completely impossible but still if only 1% of them do that is still very unlikely chances or whatever the percent is