Do You Really Want Friends?

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Difficult question. Yes and no. I do need 'friends' at work and people who I can play sports with and do activities I enjoy. Just a means to a end. The type of friend I don't need is one to sit down with and chat about BS.

I have a friend.

One is enough.

I don't think I'm made for friendship.

I like being able to talk with people and I care about them quite a lot. But I do not sustain many friendships because most people enjoy spending a great deal of time around others and I am very solitary, which hurts them. They think I don't care. (and in turn their lack of understanding hurts me) Also, it is hard for me to think of what to say to them. I don't think I'll ever understand why friends always seem to start feeling like they own parts of me and/or my time. Like "Why didn't you write/call back sooner?" or "It has been too long since we hung out?" or "Why don't you ever write me first? You must hate me." I can love someone so very much without ever missing that person's presence (the only exception being my romantic partner, who is missed constantly).

Is anyone else like this? I can only keep one or two close friends at once--and that's really stretching my limits (or rather, the patience of my friends).

I'd like to have friends because it's nice to talk to someone, go out with them and do stuff together. And it's good to know there's someone to turn to in times of need. I think.

I've never once desired to have a friend. However, finding love and a girl to understand me and spend my time with, has always been something I've longed for. Even though I don't search. Weird.

^ I'm the same way.

I had a really good friend when I was a kid, but then I moved away.

I don't long for friends any longer, but someone to love would be nice. But I can't even work up the courage to do that.

Plus I don't know if a girl would excuse the fact I can't drive and don't work.

Hanging out with friends is one of my favorite things to do, hands down. I always look forward to the weekend, we all hang out and have fun, play games, have campfires, and all kinds of stuff. We all bring snacks to someone's house, and we chill out and talk about stuff, watch movies, play video games, and just have a blast.

I've also got friends online that I chat with, and friends I meet on XboxLive. Sometimes I like to be alone, so I be alone when I want(mainly weekdays). I think I'm pretty well off.

Yes. In fact, if I'd written about this I'd have written about the same thing but not as well as you did. Definitely, you've described my life and attitude. I also care about people a great deal and go to lengths to help, when I know it is important and there is a problem I can help solve and focus on. But I'm not one for just talking or spending time without a project in hand. I'm solitary, rarely go anywhere (once a week to get groceries is almost too much already for me), definitely shun social situations, and people often imagine very wrong reasons about why and ask questions very much as you suggested above. I get pressure for get-togethers, which is one of the things I dread most. It often makes me miserable and disfunctional at home for the days and weeks prior to some imposed thing like that, anticipating it and wishing it would go away or some disaster would happen so I'd have a 'valid' excuse. And they never seem to figure out that it is as difficult as it is for me and will instead try and make up reasons that make sense to their way of thinking about it, which as I said are not at all true.

I have learned some skills that work for me and I have had to force myself to face a harsh pace 'against the wind' at times, to get things done. Painful and requiring a lot of down time afterwards, but society often seems to set things up that way. Conferences, social gatherings where people 'get to know each other' and make necessary contacts for later, etc. I go only when I have no other options available.

Jon

I always wanted lots and lots of friends but could never attract a lot, I was too different from them.

I am very much like that. I have to know someone well before I begin to care about them, though.
I want friends, it's just that I only want to see them one at a time, once a month. That would be my ideal arrangement, and if people wanted to contact me, they could email me.

What do you think, are friends worth the trouble, most the time?[/quote]

Of course I want friends! Or even just A friend.
They may take up time and be difficult at moments...but I don't want to be lonely forever. I have online friends and they are great...but I also want someone who I can spend the occassional day with, someone [who isn't my mother] to support and advise me and someone who will accept me for who I am.

Everyone wants to be wanted.

To tell the truth, I strongly suspect that even if I found friends it wouldn't satisfy me eventually - I would be expected to spend a lot of time with them, go outside more, visit pubs and similar places and it's why I would like to have someone with AS or schizoid personality disorder as a friend.

Some of you seem to think a friendship is a huge commitment or something. We're not talking about a marriage here, folks.

Friends are there for you to hang out with on occasion, and vice-versa. There should be no pressure at all - in fact, a good friend will often help you cope when you're under pressure from the struggles of every day life.

If a friend is too forceful or manipulative, you have the discretion on whether to break contact or continue the friendship. I'm assuming most of us here are adults. We should be independent enough to handle life on our own - but with that said, there's nothing wrong with forming a group of friends on the side either.

Believe me, I used to think cynically about humanity too. Keep in mind that it's not hard to find friends out there if you remember that people are just human beings like yourself.

As far as I can tell, the whole AS vs. NT mentality is pretty unhealthy.

I am very VERY slow at making friends. I decide if I like someone after just a few seconds, but it takes years before I will start caling them "friends".
I have only a handful of friends. Two of which I have known for 11 years (I'm 17 now). I wouldn't be the same person if it wasn't for them, and there isn't a thing in the world I wouldn't do for them.
I don't really "hang out" with them though, I tend to be somewhat of a loner. But I have no doubt that they know that they can always count on me should they need me. And I know that I can always count on them.

Even though I have no friends right now I have to agree with Syd. And Buying into the "I don't want/need friends and I"m happy that way" mentality only leads to intermittent depression.