Did you doubt your official diagnosis?

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Never doubted.

I knew it.

I am like the post by Daniel. I could talk to certain people but not socially.

But I am pretty low functioning, but have good verbal skills with those I am safe with.

But I had lots of dx's before.

I doubted mine. For a number of reasons.

One of them was that I had not gotten accurate information about parts of my childhood.

I remembered things differently than documentation seemed to make them sound, but then my mother cleared up the mystery for me at one point in the course of a side-conversation about something different. For instance, I remembered not using or understanding language, and I remembered echolalic language, but assumed from what records I found that I had acquired language early and stayed on that course. The first part (acquiring it early) was accurate but it turned out I lost language sometime in the 12-15 month range, and indeed been echolalic when regaining it. I had also scored lower on receptive than expressive language when tested. I also later found out that the age of language loss depends a lot on how early you get the words -- so it's normally around 18 months, I was a few months early with my original language so I lost it a few months early, and people with Down's syndrome (who usually acquire language late anyway) acquire language late and then lose it late. So it all finally made sense, my speech delay was of the lost-speech kind instead of the never-had-it kind.

The other main reason was that I was not aware of how I appeared to others, so I guessed completely wrong as to which points in time I was seeming to pass and which I was not. As well as guessing completely wrong about whether I had certain external behavior, and how it might be perceived.

And the third reason was because psychiatry had misdiagnosed me with so many things, and I was also unaware of the reasons for the autism diagnosis at the time.

So basically I found myself identifying completely with the writing of other autistic people, but it took me a long time to believe I fit the outer descriptions. This despite the fact that by adulthood I had lost most of my ability to pass and most of my ability to maintain speech, and despite the fact that people generally consider me very obviously autistic. (It was when I started saying I passed and people laughed at me, that I started realizing I didn't.)

First and foremost, No! for a great amount of time I always knew that I'd been different from a great many persons yet, never knew how though.Still, I'm glad to be the person that I am than being seen as being somehow lesser from seen through the eyes of those whom thought I was mentally ret*d or such..


ProfessorX

Well, would it be silly to get a second opinion? I think I am just denying it for no reason! I do see him again on June 2, maybe he'll have more info or thoughts then. I know I have it, I just can't bring myself to believe it.

By the way, this guy specializes in autism and he is aware of adult autism, too. While I was there, he had me pick up on of his five books on it. He probably could sense that I didn't believe it. I dunno why this is so hard for me.

I don't think it is unusual to have difficulty believeing the DX. How many years were you told that your reality was not real...you didn't feel the senses that you thought you felt..you didn't really like the things you liked. I don't onder that a few of us have difficulty believeing that we are not really as lazy, crazy or bad as people have been saying or treating us like.

The whole DX requires a shift in a life long paradiem. It is neurology...no one even suggested that possibility. I was more then willing to believe I may be from a different planet but this DX....that is a new thing to process. A whole new way to frame your past and future...it is no wonder you feel a bit over whelmed.

As far as getting a second DX opinion. As long as it is by someone as equally experienced in adult DX, I don't think it's a horrible idea but if your mine works as mine...it wont necessarily make the exceptance any less difficult...after all...two people can be wrong as well as one. They are working with the same knowledge base most times and you either meet the criteria or you don't. There is room for incorrect inturpretation but there are 8 criteria, might want to find out how many he thinks you meet.

Hey Beckula it is really important that you had as-diagnosis kriteria symthoms always and not untill your puberty etc. Is it like that? If so than you are probably aspie if not then probably not. I hope this helps you. Think about your childhood more. I think that is what seperate asperger from other conditions!

QFT.
Yes yes yes ! Seriously, very good analysis (and fits with my own experiences).
Bolded & italicized the lines that most bore reiteration.

For me, my diagnosis was a connector being snapped into place, and lighting up a circuit-board. THAT was why I was the way I was. THAT is what was making my classmates think I was weird. THAT was what made me different. It explained a lot.

It was really easy to accept, honestly. I had AS, and that is what I had. And now that I knew, I knew myself better. I became more self-aware, more aware of others. Things started to change, then.

Later on in life, I started to become aware of it. I would notice what I was doing. I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of rocking and stimming, all the more obvious signs that I had. So, I started to use my mind over my matter; I started willing myself to stop rocking, to stop stimming. Then I willed myself to not rock, to not stim. I learned a great deal about how people interact, and used that knowledge to interact: Showing my emotions more clearly, reading faces, reading silent cues, reading verbal cues, learning how to convey subtle messages, and more.

Now, I could make most people doubt my diagnosis, if I chose to tell them. I can keep myself from rocking, I can keep myself from stimming, and I'm pretty good at interacting with other people.

After I got the diagnosis, I've worked on overcoming the diagnosis. Now I'm curious if they'd still consider me to have Aspergers?

I had symptoms when I was a kid. I sucked my finger from when I was a kid until I had to get braces when I was 16. I rocked outside my door during naps and made weird sounds (my parents always thought this was normal). I talked to my stuffed animals. I was always obsessed with swinging...I used to have a swing in my garage and I would spend hours and hours swinging and listening to music and singing. I was always super, super shy. I have terrible stage fright since I was little. I always sleep with at least five blankets and one HAS to go over my head when I am sleeping. I have terrible insomnia forever. I still have a blanky from when I was a child (I am 27). I had a terrible time with sports and learning how to ride my bike. I never had many friends (I still have one friend from high school, but she is kinda like me)....I don't even know many of the things I am supposed to remember...

I never doubted mine, which as funny because I recently found out my psychologist never diagnosed me like I thought he did. He said I do have AS, I took that to mean a diagnosis I suppose.

Oh good grief yes, that.

I forgot to add--I have been an extremely picky eater since I was about 3. My mom remembers this--and I have been making my own meals since I was 8 years old! I also don't like things touching on my plate and if it's supposed to be cold, it HAS to be cold and vice versa. I think a lot of it has to do with the texture of things, maybe? My psychologist is planning to talk to me more about that next session. Maybe I will feel better later

looking back, i say HELL NO!
trust me, if u saw me last year and the year before that and going back to the DOB, u'd know im an aspie. BUT now im totally transformed and basically normal. sanity caught up with me!

If you are an example of being normal, I will stay insane and aspie. Thanks for reminding me why I dont want to take the "cure"

Do you ever look back at your younger self and realise how unaware you were of other people's opinions of you or unaware of how "weird" you acted? I feel like I'm able to figure this social stuff out, but that I'm just very delayed (as in, several months/years delayed). When it comes to understanding social situations I've improved with age. Looking back at my younger self is what convinces me every time I doubt it.

I still definitely deal with doubt (I was diagnosed only a few weeks ago! and i have that overly questioning, second guessing state of mind) and what you said about needing a biomarker or MRI assessment is *exactly* what I told myself after my diagnosis.

sometimes if I'm having a good day (socializing well, no meltdowns or shutdowns and not too bothered by lights and sounds) then i think "hey maybe i'm not autistic at all"

but i still have a lot of Major broader issues, like basic and advanced social rules (recognizing social cues, keeping conversations appropriate, using appropriate vocabulary are all still very big struggles for me), Obsessiveness and Sensory Sensitivities. Besides i've had some specialists tell me that i am in fact autistic so that kind of reminds me that even though I'm getting better, i still have a disability.

On another note i am improving. Not "becoming Nuerotypical" but i'm finally learning how to cope in my own way. there are some things i will never be able to do and i'm fine with it. i'm taking baby steps.