Lashing Out or Fantasy Killing

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I think you've got it summed up perfectly here. I'm supposedly NT.. my kids and spouse are all AS. I have definitely had these feelings, trust me. I think every human being has had these feelings, no matter whether they fall on the spectrum or not or have other issues. It is part of our make up and is what has allowed us to survive on this planet.

However in crowds, from noise and so forth, I do often feel urges creeping up, both urges to hurt myself (biting especially, and throwing myself sideways against walls) and to lash out.

I worry that I am trying to change my child and I don't really want to give him the impression that he needs to be fixed.

I guess what I'm exploring here is whether awareness in spite of the negative misunderstandings is worthwhile. We can say, "Everybody's got some anger," and "Aspies are just people and very peaceful," but this can confuse a lot of people as to the truth: we are very sensitive to stress in spite of ourselves. Our threshold for stress is low, so watch yourself here.

Of course, then one runs the risk of being labelled: "Watch out: he's got a disease, and he's a loose cannon."

I don't know what's right, but I do strongly believe that Aspie's tendency toward anger is brushed under the carpet far too often.

NeantHumain has a very lively discussion forum going about how he was arrested after throwing ketchup on a food service woman with whom he was irritated.

William Freund just shot two people.

I have never been arrested, and I've never shot or assaulted anyone. But to be perfectly honest, when I read about both these incidents, my reaction based on my own experiences was, "I understand on some level why both did what they did."

I would like to know whether I'm alone here, or whether other Aspies feel the same way.

For example: before I was diagnosed, I often felt a good deal of anger bottled up in me. I have no other conditions other than AS, but that was enough. I would get into situations in which I felt threatened or put on the spot, and I would be unable to get help or express myself. I would be bullied, or belittled, and I couldn't spew back the vitrol or punches than any reasonably glib NT of my intelligence level would have shot back, or ask someone for assistance. The pressure would reach a point where I would fantasize about getting the drop on and killing those responsible for my misery, either peers or authority figures. Even a simple misunderstanding that I couldn't correct could build into these fantasies.

No one who knows me would characterize me as an aggressive person at all. I trap spiders and take them outside rather than squash them, for Pete's sake. But man, I would plan in detail the untimely death of these villians who were apparently trying to subvert my existence. I truly felt my life was threatened, and I often resolved to stop the attack by guerilla action if it came to that. (It of course never did, and I learned about my condition and got tremendous relief that way....)

On one occassion when I was around twelve I lashed out. A particularly mean-spirited boy in my youth group, Mr. Nasty, would stand next to me and pinch me when no adult was looking, or punch me in the arm and give me ugly blue bruises, then laugh. He somehow knew I wouldn't be able to ask for help (He had what I call as**ole radar, which zeros in on victims). Well, he grabbed a flap of my skin on the back of my arm and twisted, and I uncorked on him. I jumped him instantly and slapped him up something good. They had to pull us apart, and I was on top going to town. I felt very guilty about that. I knew I had broken the rules, and I was always so careful about following the rules. But the point was, I felt like I had run out of options. (Side note: Mr. Nasty never touched me ever again.)

Perhaps I'm just a former Angry Young Man on a tangent, but I think this is important to discuss. We've all bemoaned at length the violence that has happened invovling our AS brethren and sworn that it is anomalous. We don't wish to be seen as dangerous or unpredictable people, and that makes sense. Under unstressed conditions, Aspies I think are among the most peaceful of human beings. But is this really the whole truth? Should we risk acknowledging this darker side, the side that becomes stressed easily and in some cases lashes out to perpetrate regretable damage?

(I know Mr. Nasty wished he'd have known it...)

Pardon me if I'm splitting hairs, but it seems to me that it's not so much that Aspies are more prone to violence as much as it is that Aspies find more things more frustrating than your average NT, and have less coping resources, as we can find it difficult to communicate (kinda makes it hard to 'talk about your problems' eh?).

Aren't we all that way?

Evidently the Autistics you are in contact with are nothing like my Autie friends and My very own family members. Yes our stress level is low but no, when we overload we are more apt to be sick or have splitting headaches, you might even find us fleeing whatever has caused the overload or perhaps find us cowering in a corner somewhere totally detached from the excitement and activities going on around us. Violence is NOT our reaction to stressful situations.

I have no tolerance for those that like to depict us as dangerous animals that are just waiting to find a reason to "go off" like a bomb.
I won't say we don't get mad. I won't say we don't scream and yell and throw things. Because we are passionately against injustice does NOT mean we have a potential to kill people.

I say I have no tolerance for those that like to depict us as dangerous animals. When I say this, I do not feel a tendency to hurt those that see us this way. I will be blunt which may seem aggressive. The reality is, I will probably just stay as far away as I possibly can from those that see me in such a negative light.

It's not quite clear: which "way" are you referring to? And which "we" are you referring to? Aspies, human beings...?

Oh, human beings in general. I always thought something like this was human nature.

Pardon me if I'm splitting hairs, but it seems to me that it's not so much that Aspies are more prone to violence as much as it is that Aspies find more things more frustrating than your average NT, and have less coping resources, as we can find it difficult to communicate (kinda makes it hard to 'talk about your problems' eh?).