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BokeKaeru
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14 Aug 2008, 2:57 pm

Also planning to remain childfree. I've been trying to avoid having to go back to the hospital for years now, as I've had plenty enough horrible experiences in them, and that would be a sure-fire way to land me right back in there, undoubtedly in extreme pain - something else I generally try to avoid. Not to mention, because I have several genetic conditions, I'd probably have to relive a lot of my own childhood in any kid I have, ruining their summers with endless surgeries and trying to convince daft and uncaring medical personnel to be careful and not put the kid through unnecessary pain. This is to say nothing of school problems. My mom had to give up her career because of my issues. I have things I want to do, and make someone else repeat my life is not one of them. Finally, it just comes down to the fact that my sensory issues, particularly those of touch and noise, would make it difficult if not impossible to take care of a baby, or for that matter, even get to the point of being pregnant. If I'm really feeling parental at whatever point for some inexplicable reason, I'll adopt a kitten. :)



Kirska
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14 Aug 2008, 3:31 pm

I wouldn't want to have kids in my hometown, not because I'd be afraid someone would make the connection between me and them, but rather because my hometowns sucked.

I lived in 2 cities growing up. The first had a HORRIBLE school system. The second was just a really crappy city full of horrible values. It was common for parents to abandon their children and move away with their 8th husband/wife.

I actually wanted kids, but my husband decided he doesn't. I was a little crushed at first. I contemplated leaving him over it, but the more I thought about it and the more time I spent around cousins, etc. the more I agreed with him. I really can't stand children. I like the idea of buying baby clothes and helping a child learn but the screaming, pouting, poopy messes... I don't think I'd be able to handle it.

Thankfully my sister is pregnant and plans to have more children so I will have plenty of nieces and nephews to spoil and spend time with but not have to do the dirty work for.

I'm only 22. There's still time. For now, I'll plan on none. But... if an accident were to happen and I got pregnant, yeah I'd keep it and I'd raise it well.



Tim_Tex
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14 Aug 2008, 4:26 pm

I do know 100% that I want to be a parent. I cannot be with somebody who doesn't want kids.


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Prof_Pretorius
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14 Aug 2008, 5:29 pm

I must say I muddles through raising my daughter. Of course, I had no idea I was AS. I just thought I had 'depression'. I always worried about her, mainly her lack of interaction with other children. But she's a capable adult, and doesn't follow my bad habits (like drinking to excess). I can well understand those of you who don't want children. Being AS is sometimes more than enough to deal with.


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Jennyfoo
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14 Aug 2008, 9:40 pm

I've got 4 kids. I knew from a young age that I wanted a large family. I have 5 siblings myself. My AS father was a pretty damn good Dad and my NT mother was a selfish, self-centered woman with too many personal interests to ever do anything with the 6 kids she brought into the world. Instead, she dumped all the younger kids on me and my older brother- we practically raised them.

I LOVE being a mom. I love staying home with my kids. MY biological daughter is ASD and so am I and my husband. My adopted kids are all "special needs" as well. They're a lively and rambunctious group of kiddos, but they understand when Mom, Dad, or older sis have had enough and they need to keep it down. We've taught them pretty well and they're really good kids. I adore each of them and am so glad that I have them. We may end up with #5 in a few months. The baby's birth-mom is pregnant again and if CPS takes this baby away, they will likely call us since they like to keep siblings together if possible. I've got my fingers crossed that we get the call. I'd love another baby and another set of kids close in age.

Nobody should feel guilty for not wanting children.



Ryn
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14 Aug 2008, 10:51 pm

Wow, this is such an amazing thread. I am also childfree and probably not going to get married, and people constantly try to tell me or convince me otherwise. I'm so glad to see so many childfree people as well as people who accept that it is a perfectly valid choice to be childfree.

Even if I wasn't childfree, I'd never bring them to where I live now. My hometown is not a good place and I really hate it.


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CelticRose
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15 Aug 2008, 11:33 am

Ryn wrote:
Wow, this is such an amazing thread. I am also childfree and probably not going to get married, and people constantly try to tell me or convince me otherwise. I'm so glad to see so many childfree people as well as people who accept that it is a perfectly valid choice to be childfree.


Yeah, people are always telling me I'll change my mind or give me a look like I'm some sort of monster if I say I don't like kids and don't want any. I do want to get married someday, but I don't want kids.

I wish people would respect others' choices. I always encourage people who have children, and I understand if they can't always join me in something because they have an obligation to their children. Why can't I be accorded the same respect for my choices? :?


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Greentea
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22 Aug 2008, 3:39 pm

Jenny, lovely to read your post. Congrats on what you've done for those kids!


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coregazer
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22 Aug 2008, 6:19 pm

i really feel the need to continue my family legacy... i am the youngest of my family alive and i feel like i need to, and would kind of like to, continue my family name... but... theres a problem... i hate children... like... really hate children... they really tick me off... out of my mind... i so hope my psychologist can help with my children "problems" cause i would like to have kids. hell even if it means being a terrible father ill still have them. i wouldn't want to be responsible for the death of my family... however... i think your amasing for not wanting to have kids. not wanting to be married etc. awesome infact... if only i had the streangh to do that. still. i look up to you for not having kids :).


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wangwangs3300
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22 Aug 2008, 6:20 pm

(Edited by mod.)



snuuz
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22 Aug 2008, 6:33 pm

....returning to our topic after a brief interlude of spam...


I have no children and don't think I'll have any. I like children just fine, but I'm not sure I can handle the responsibility of parenthood.



coregazer
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22 Aug 2008, 6:49 pm

wha? how did spam get on a forum? iv never seen that... how in the lords name...


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nettiespaghetti
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22 Aug 2008, 6:53 pm

Prof_Pretorius wrote:
Only had one child, a daughter who is doing quite well as an adult. One was plenty. Don't know how people have large families of 6 or more ...


I'm in the exact same boat. I've got a 2 year old, and me and my husband both agree we're set. I cannot understand how people can have a bunch of children. I never could handle it. I find it so strange that society has ingrained in peoples brains that we should all get married and have children or we'll be miserable. That's a crock.


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KenM
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22 Aug 2008, 9:13 pm

Never felt the need to have kids, always thought kids were annoying. I will never have kids. I made sure of that a couple of years ago.
Society puts pressure on people to have kids so they will go out and buy stuff because you need stuff for the kid. I never felt my mom loved me. I felt she was doing all of the stuff she was doing just out of social expectations, to look "normal" ect..
Besides, with my AS, if I had a kid, they would do something to annoy me they would think would be really funny and I'd hit or kill them because I would think they were screwing with me.



dougn
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22 Aug 2008, 10:36 pm

I do not want kids. I don't like kids very much. I also don't think I could ever make the kind of commitment having kids entails.

I'm not sure I want to be married either - I'm asexual but that has little to do with it, since I do want a long-term partner. It's just, "marriage"... I don't know, I like "partnership" better. If I get married it will only be for the legal benefits.



spudnik
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22 Aug 2008, 11:26 pm

I have no kids, I would love to have some, but I have never had the luck of meeting a women who would want one, the closest I have ever come to having a kid, was in 1991, my ex Raquel I had met her when she was 7 months pregnant, I was with though the delivery, and changing the diapers for almost one year, she couldn't deal with my issues, I of course didn't know I had AS. When she became pregnant with my child, she told me that she didn't want another child, and was having it aborted immediately. I was devastated and ended up in the hospital when I tried to kill myself, I guess I was lucky. My current girlfriend who is also an aspie never wanted to have kids, so here I am 14 years later with the same girlfriend, and no kids.