14 Sep 2008, 7:49 pm
15 Sep 2008, 12:18 am
15 Sep 2008, 11:22 am
15 Sep 2008, 1:29 pm
Greentea wrote:
NeantHumain, most everything you write on the forums resonates with my experience and observation.
But I don't know if all, or even most, Aspies have such difficulty establishing relationships as we do. I think, from what I read on WP, that many have good family relations and/or friends. At least enough to not live in the Aspie desert.
Many, many Aspies here mention friends and/or family. Especially the younger ones, who also happen to be those who didn't grow up in the shame and mystery of the symptoms, and who proudly plough ahead and look for others with similar traits rather than hang their heads in shame and wonder what's wrong with them. Many have life partners. There even was a thread not long ago where many Aspies complained about not getting from friends and family enough time for themselves. In a poll I posted on this forum once, only a few people out of all the voters voted having zero friends and family relations - which can be called living in the "Aspie desert".
I've started to think lately that maybe AS alone isn't the cause of massive social failure. Maybe it's some combination of traits of which AS is just one part, or maybe it's my personality, only worsened socially by the AS... Maybe it's the combination of having AS and having been given hell for it by immediate family while growing up. I certainly live in a social desert, very much not by choice.
So maybe someone with massive social failure should look into other issues to improve on, and leave the AS a bit aside, not as the central cause. I really don't know...
But I don't know if all, or even most, Aspies have such difficulty establishing relationships as we do. I think, from what I read on WP, that many have good family relations and/or friends. At least enough to not live in the Aspie desert.
Many, many Aspies here mention friends and/or family. Especially the younger ones, who also happen to be those who didn't grow up in the shame and mystery of the symptoms, and who proudly plough ahead and look for others with similar traits rather than hang their heads in shame and wonder what's wrong with them. Many have life partners. There even was a thread not long ago where many Aspies complained about not getting from friends and family enough time for themselves. In a poll I posted on this forum once, only a few people out of all the voters voted having zero friends and family relations - which can be called living in the "Aspie desert".
I've started to think lately that maybe AS alone isn't the cause of massive social failure. Maybe it's some combination of traits of which AS is just one part, or maybe it's my personality, only worsened socially by the AS... Maybe it's the combination of having AS and having been given hell for it by immediate family while growing up. I certainly live in a social desert, very much not by choice.
So maybe someone with massive social failure should look into other issues to improve on, and leave the AS a bit aside, not as the central cause. I really don't know...
I guess I'd be one of those people mentioning friends. I do have a small group of friends that I am very, very close to. I've been wondering about this for a while after I read your post and I think I know what the reason for that is- and it has nothing to do with my personality btw.
the way I see it is- the people that I'm close friends with are the only people that I can't remember meeting for the first time. they were just always there- in the neighborhood, in my kindergarden, in my class. we had an educational system back in the '80 where kids stayed in the same school, in the same class for the first 8 years of their education. after those 8 years we were practically inseparable and knew everything there was about each other, and also we'd developed similar interests.
another thing- I was in the same class with my brother who desperately wanted me to be "normal" and did a whole lot of work towards socialising me (ironically, he is now severely schizophrenic and has no contact with the world whatsoever).
I'd never even realised I had no social skills until high school and ever since then all my attempts at meeting new people have been a failure- with a few exceptions. believe me, there are exceptional people out there, they're just few and very, very far between.
maybe if your upbringing was as... fortunate? I don't know how to call it... as safe and guarded as mine you wouldn't be thinking that it's your personality that gets in the way, I'm pretty sure it's not the case with you Greentea
15 Sep 2008, 1:57 pm
15 Sep 2008, 3:07 pm
15 Sep 2008, 4:30 pm
15 Sep 2008, 4:56 pm
15 Sep 2008, 10:51 pm
15 Sep 2008, 10:53 pm
tomboy4good
Veteran
Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,379
Location: Irritating people everywhere
16 Sep 2008, 10:44 am
17 Sep 2008, 4:35 pm
18 Sep 2008, 1:19 am
Perambulator wrote:
I don't really know the way out of the Aspie Desert. I myself am sinking into its quick sands. One activity I'm pursuing in the hope of making my way out is learning the piano. As I understand the piano has several benefits.
1. Since playing it requires fingering different melodies with two different hands, it uses both sides of the brain and thus increases intelligence.
2. There's anecdotal evidence that learning a musical instrument, in particular the piano, may improve social intelligence.
3. If a person gets talented at playing the piano people can become attracted to them solely for their talent. They may be far more likely to overlook my flaws if their first impression of me is that I can create beautiful music.
4. The piano is the most versatile of musical instruments. It's ideal for a loner as a piano can play both the bass and the leading melody of a tune and therefore often requires no accompanying instruments.
I've only had 5 lessons so far and I'm quite frankly a beginner. It's worth noting though that every time I practice and notice an improvement in my playing it gives my ego a boost. I've also already recorded myself playing some simple tunes and sent off the recordings to a few acquaintances. In one case, it's made one girl who was previously lukewarm to me ask me to meet her. It's also earned me a friendship with an experienced pianist. Both seem to tolerate my social awkwardness more than I've usually known. If all else fails, I at least have human contact with my piano teacher once a week. Receiving praise off him when I do something well is preferable to being cross-examined and deconstructed by some kind of mental health professional.
Glenn Gould was apparently an Aspie and a genius at the piano. Although he was a very paranoid man he nevertheless had some success with women, always ruined by his possessiveness and faulty theory of mind. At least he had some experiences of human contact though. And he had an affair with some piano contact of his - she was either a teacher or a pupil, I believe. She left her husband for him but broke up after some time elapsed when he became too strange for her to cope.
ya im myself bass player but i often play with guitar cords nowa days u dont need to play just classical whith piano u can play nigthwish,children of bodom,ironmaiden its much like bass u can play most songs ..anyway try get guitarpro it will help u to learn faster whith piano even its meaned for guitar 1. Since playing it requires fingering different melodies with two different hands, it uses both sides of the brain and thus increases intelligence.
2. There's anecdotal evidence that learning a musical instrument, in particular the piano, may improve social intelligence.
3. If a person gets talented at playing the piano people can become attracted to them solely for their talent. They may be far more likely to overlook my flaws if their first impression of me is that I can create beautiful music.
4. The piano is the most versatile of musical instruments. It's ideal for a loner as a piano can play both the bass and the leading melody of a tune and therefore often requires no accompanying instruments.
I've only had 5 lessons so far and I'm quite frankly a beginner. It's worth noting though that every time I practice and notice an improvement in my playing it gives my ego a boost. I've also already recorded myself playing some simple tunes and sent off the recordings to a few acquaintances. In one case, it's made one girl who was previously lukewarm to me ask me to meet her. It's also earned me a friendship with an experienced pianist. Both seem to tolerate my social awkwardness more than I've usually known. If all else fails, I at least have human contact with my piano teacher once a week. Receiving praise off him when I do something well is preferable to being cross-examined and deconstructed by some kind of mental health professional.
Glenn Gould was apparently an Aspie and a genius at the piano. Although he was a very paranoid man he nevertheless had some success with women, always ruined by his possessiveness and faulty theory of mind. At least he had some experiences of human contact though. And he had an affair with some piano contact of his - she was either a teacher or a pupil, I believe. She left her husband for him but broke up after some time elapsed when he became too strange for her to cope.
u can get most tabs to guitar pro from www.ultimate-guitar.com been using it and never taked lessons 
