Makes no sense (or I'm much more ret*d than I thought)

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Just because you failed at something doesn't mean you will never do it. You just have to wait till your mind is ready. There have been things in my teen years I would try working on but failed but was able to succeed in them finally when I became an adult. I figured my mind probably wasn't ready back then and I had to wait till it developed more for me to finally learn.


It's good you are working on your symptoms. It does take time to overcome them. It can take years to finally overcome an aspie trait.

He might be able to do things in school that 20 year olds can do.... maybe he's precocious or something. I don't see an Aspie having the emotional or social intelligence of a 20 year old until way past 20, if ever. (I don't, anyhow.)

There's nothing "wrong" with you for being worse at doing things than some other kid who may have gotten more lucky with the genetics, may even be a genius (as most 14 year olds capable of college-level work are). Nor is there anything wrong with someone who has Down syndrome and can't do as much as you.

I think we need to divorce skills and intelligence from value... stop ranking people... stop saying there is something wrong if you can't do this or can't do that. I have no problem with "He's better at math than I am", but I have severe problems with assuming that this means he is somehow a more worthwhile person, or that I'm not trying hard enough.

BTW: I don't agree with your friend that autism "makes him smart"... he would probably have been gifted without autism, though maybe his IQ would've tested lower because some of those gifts would be used for the social skills and such. Autism could very well be less of a problem for him than it is for you... the Spectrum has all disability levels.

There's no shame in being worse at things than one other person. You don't beat yourself up because you can't do physics as well as Stephen Hawking, do you?

Abuend had some really good points. I think you should read that post carefully, if you have not already.

It's part of life at your age to feel inferior, but that doesn't mean you ARE inferior. You are struggling to find your road, to figure yourself out. It is easy to believe that others have what you don't when all you see is the outside, but it rarely is the full picture. Just as you show what you believe is the best of you to the outside world, so do they. No one wants to appear lacking. And, yet, well, EVERYONE is, in some way or another. It doesn't make them inferior or superior, it just makes them human.

People are different from each other, even those on the spectrum, and that is a good thing. We can't always see how all those different puzzle pieces are important, but they are. The person who forms the plain gray piece in the middle of the puzzle is just as important to the whole as the one who forms the corner. There is no better, there is no worse. This just people, each person unique.

I guess this probably sounds like a pep speech, one you've heard, but don't believe. Yet. You will. You have to give your own unique strengths time to shine, to become more apparent to you.

Anyway, I've got to run, but I do hope you can feel better about yourself. It is never effective to measure against another, because unless you are inside their head, you are lacking all the necessary information.

i saw an asperger guy a couple of times

he wants to know why i won't even be friends with him

i won't tell him but i said don't email me anymore

will he feel inferior?

No, don't feel inferior...read my signature for proper perspective

I feel envious of people everyday for being so much more clever than me. How is it fair for some people to be so much more smarter? What makes them worthy of being more apt and successful, when so little of it had to do with effort? I hate all this passive acceptance of others being better off.

I'm going to share a little bit of my experience, and take from it what you will, but I wish someone had explained it to me in this way when I was your age. I used to constantly compare myself to others. In doing this I was making myself miserable. I was depressed, lonely, defensive, and angry. Whether, I realized it or not those things shone through to others. It actually made me less likable, as I was being whiny, and a down all the time. It masked my good qualities, because I was always hidden in my head thinking about what I wasn't good at, instead of being out there having fun, trying new things, and finding out what I was good at. You had mentioned that you're a kind person. That's a very good characteristic to have in a world that's so vendictive, and hateful at times. That's one of my better traits, too, but even that got somewhat lost as I spent so much time focusing inward at my negative qualities. I spent so much time with 'the grass is greener over there' attitude that I'm very sorry about it now. I lost not only time, but friends, because of this. Don't think that people won't notice that you're eyeing them for flaws to boost yourself, because they do. Have fun being who you are, and find people that appreciate you, and stop comparing. Sounds like you've made a new friend. Appreciate his good qualities, and let him appreciate yours.

You can't be resentful to be kind.

Update:
In a coversation I had with him today, he said that nobody knows the "real" him, except for his best friend who he hasn't seen in a long time. I said "so you spend your whole life acting?" and he said "yes". I thought this "acting" might be him coping and hiding his autistic "symptoms". I asked him about it, but he said no and he denied having autistic symptoms. I said "you must have some autistic symptoms or else you wouldn't have autism", and he said "just because you have something doesn't mean you 'have' it". As you can imagine, that confused me further.
I asked him why he hides the "real" him and he said "do you really want me taking notes on who you are, what you say, what you do, etc.? Actually, I'm doing it right now in my head. I'm a collecter of information." I told him that could be a symptom of Autism, but he said it's not.
I told him later that I think he's in denial, but he said "no I'm not". I told him that his denial is so deep that he denies being in denial. He said I was making assumptions.

Being his friend has been stressful. He does certain things because he knows they bug me.
-he teases me (which I don't like and I often feel like he might be serious - sometimes he says he's serious and I wonder if that's a joke too)
-he argues with me
-he's sarcastic a lot
-when I ask him questions his answers often contain "yes and no" or "may or may not" and he won't give me more information (which leaves me anxious/frustrated and/or unsatisfied)
-he seems to enjoy pointing out what he's better at since I've told him how it makes me feel inferior.
Why doesn't he understand and respect that I don't like those things? He thinks it's funny and he doesn't care and/or realise that I seriously dislike it. Maybe that's a symptom of his autism...