"Please" and "Thank You"

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I most definitley use it in excess, so much that my therapist and I are working on lowering the amount of apologies I give! I will apologize when someone runs into me--it's that bad. I've thought about it a lot, and I think it's the way I've dealt with social behavior. I tend to use it in a very formulatic way, and it's typically the only small talk I can do well. I also think I trained myself to be polite so that when I do make social blunders, people are more likely to forgive me. I also think it's related to my social phobia.

I don't remember ever having problems with saying "please" and "thank you". I guess my parents drilled it into my head at an early age, and actually, I'm glad they did, because it helped me a great deal in the business world. I work for a company where it's considered customary, to the point of being a requirement, to use those phrases in e-mails (I guess otherwise, the message would sound too harsh and demanding).

I say 'thank you' wayy too frequently and at innapropriate times. (not even sure) E.g. saying thank you when taking a CUSTOMER's cash for a goods they bought?!?

I didn't know you had to say these things because they actually serve a purpose and are important for other people until after I was diagnosed. Now that I know I say it and demand it of others too.

i always say please and thank you even when it's not neccesary, my parents brainwashed me into überpoliteness

i do not use the word "please" very much.
i use the word "thankyou" to suffice for "please".

eg: if i am at work and i want someone to fetch me some papers from an adjacent desk, instead of saying "could you get those papers for me please ?", i would say "i will have those papers thankyou".

it is just as valid to say "thankyou" in advance, so "please" is not necessary.

like in a cake shop i do not say "could i have 2 lamingtons please?" i will say " i will have 2 lamingtons thankyou"

also i will use the words "thanks anyway" to terminate a conversation if i need to.
i use that phrase quite often and it makes people confused and sometimes angry, but i am very used to doing it anyway.

if i am failing to understand them and they keep repeating themselves in different ways to get to me, then i will stand up and say "well thanks anyway" and leave.

i can not remember in what situations i may say the word "please".

someone told me once that i seemed arrogant to some people, because to say "thankyou" before they decide to give me what i ask for is to presume that they will accede to my request without alternative.

but i do not make any unreasonable requests. i just make requests that are obviously necessary to obey.

so say if there are people talking in front of the lift who are blocking my exit, i will say "to the side thankyou" rather than "to the side please"

"please" and "thankyou" are silly words that groom the dignity of other peoples ego's.
however you have to say them or people get all feral and contentious.

i have ODD as well as AS, so that may have a bearing on why i find it difficult to stoop to convivial begging (ie saying "please").

i also have never thought to say "bless you" or comment in any way when a person sneezes. there is some relevance in that but i am not sure what it is.

I hate how NTs seem to think that saying those two words is so important, it's very stupid and annoying, not to mention illogical.

My mom started prompting me to say "please" and "thank you" when I was twenty months old (I know this because we have it on home video), so it is pretty well-ingrained. I do tend to overuse them, I think.

I wouldn't think that's overusing it - it's saying it once for each thing.

For me, a small transaction might run as follows:
Shop assistant: Hello
Me: Hello [hands over items]. These please. Thanks.
Shop assistant: [Puts them through till*] that's five pounds please.
Me: Thanks. [Hands over money] thanks [drops a coin clumsily]. Sorry. [Picks it up ad hands it over] thanks.
Shop assistant: Here's your change [hands over change].
Me: Thanks. Thank you [fumbles around with purse**]. Sorry. [Finishes fumbling round with purse] thanks. Bye.
Shop assistant: Bye.
Me: Thanks.

I think it might be something to do with my 'Tourette syndrome with obsessive compulsive behaviour', especially when I say 'thanks, thank you'.


* cash register
** wallet

I go so far as saying 'you're welcome', especially to emails that thank me for something. It's a reaction to 'no problem'...which, on the face of it, sounds rude...no problem for whom?...

They're the phrases that grease the wheels of conversation, like 'how are you?', etc...

My friend apologizes excessively, and I find it extremely irritating. Only because I don't understand why she is apologizing so much. Especially when she is saying it to me. Maybe it is, as you say, social phobia. Like, once we were ordering some food in a restaurant where you order at the counter and then they call your number. She was finding it hard to make up her mind which selections she wanted to order, and started apologizing! I have learned not to show my irritation, but badly want to say, Why are you apologizing to the waitress? It's her job to wait on you, literally. And you are paying for your food. So what is there to say "sorry" about, repeatedly? It just makes rude people get worse, or shows subservience.

But she may be suffering from this social phobia. So I will take that into consideration.

I hate it because I was emotionally abused about saying please and thankyou when I was a child. So peoples can shoove please & thank's up their...

While a phobia or at least a fear of social situations may be the cause, if she's from the southeastern US that could also be a reason. Down here in the South people will say please, thank you, and sorry for just about anything (it's part of "southern hospitality"). It's actually the norm here for people to apologize when someone bumps into them, or to apologize if they're holding up a line or a waitress.

One of my daughters teachers used to put flash cards in front of her to say 'please' or 'thankyou.' It was a ret*d idea if you ask me. Treating my daughter like a spaz and intellectually she is gifted.

Well, she is from the Northeast, so it may be that the Southern ways have rubbed off on her, LOL.

Well, I use please and thank you, and not to excess either. But, yeah, I had to learn to do it.