Autistic Spectrum People and Being Touched

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I hate light touch. It's one of the most spooky and uncomfortable experiences.

At work someone made a "Do Not Touch" sign for me to hang around my neck because I often asked people not to touch me. My family complains that I don't like to be touched - only if I'm prepared for it or if I initiate the touching.

Seems to have something to do with heightened senses and maybe overexcitability.

Z

Thank you to all who have responded to this question so far.

Fo-Rum never liked hugs but learned to accept them---that is me. Fo_Rum also has sensitive areas that "freak out" when touched. I have one of those areas too---the inside of my ears by someone other than me.

Spokane_Girl said, "I like light touch. A firm touch feels like something is hitting me or something is pressing on me."---that is me. The firm touch feels like painful pressing. And I usually start itching where they press on me.

millie likes the soft tickling---me too. But unlike her, I do not like the firm pressure. Interesting is her repulsion to anything in-between the extremes (very soft---firm).

buryuntime does not like anyone standing or sitting nearby---definitely me. And also like buryuntime, I cannot stand someone brushing against me. For some reason this brushing against me angers me.

I am unlike pensieve in that pensieve doesn't mind the touch of people. But pensieve hates touching certain materials. Well, I cannot stand gooey stuff. But I can remember as a child to early teenager loving to take this stuff that I think was called "slime" (it came in a plastic egg-shaped thing and was real slimy and green). When poured on something/someone it would slowly flatten out as the slime moved along the surface. I loved to take that stuff and let it run across my stomach (chest too I think). I also liked to step in it and let it squish between my toes.

Sea_of_Saiyan relates to some of the same issues as that of Fo-Rum.

Unlike gbollard, I like a fingertip running up my arm and I don't like the squeeze-hug.

Like mosez, I kind of froze up when as a child someone hugged me or kissed me on the cheek. And like mosez, I agree this could be a boy thing. And when dating, and now that my date became my wife, I like the feel of her soft touch---but not a firm touch. mosez says he managed to let the excitement of his dates touch override the aversion of being touched.

Like poopylungstuffing, I really don't like hugs from anyone, although poopylungstuffing does admit to being pretty tactile to people she is close too.

pakled says that being grabbed by people seems like that person wants them to do something they want rather than "what I want." I think I might feel that way too. It's like they are trying to get my attention in order to ask me to do something.

I am like animal in that touch from people in my immediate family or ones that I am close too is ok. Other people feel too awkward for me too. As for my immediate family, light touch is fine, but I don't like the firm touch, hug, or squeeze. But from immediate family I do tolerate it out of respect to them. But it feels too awkward from others, like at church.

Who_Am_I doesn't like touch by anyone not trusted (I think we all pretty much agree with that) and doesn't like the light touch saying that it burns. I have heard the burning sensation mentioned before. I can't really relate to that unless the burning sensation is perceived a different way for me. With some tickling, I don't feel like a heat burn, but I do feel a sensation that is similar to it---very difficult for me to explain. I have gone into muscle spasms when certains areas of my body are tickled.

Like DeLoreanDude, if I am to be touched it has to be when I am in the mood for it. I think by his statement that I can assume he can tolerate the light touch.

irishwhistle really elaborated on this one as she is a mother of three kids. I am a father of two boys. So there are times with the kids that I like hugging (like irishwhistle said)---but not too tight as that is painful for me. Like irishwhistle, I can nearly freak out if I am grabbed too hard by someone who won't let go. This can happen at church. I get paralyzed and stare outward at some object so as to try to get mind off of the situation. I have at times pulled away from those people. Like irishwhistle, I also am averted to these hard grabs even if it comes from my kids. I feel the panic thing too. There are a lot of interesting comments in irishwhistle's post here---such as not liking being kissed on the arm. I have to admit, I don't like kissing period---not even from my wife. But I do kiss her out of love. But I wish kissing could be taken out of the human show of affections. Also mentioned here is the church hugging thing and being baffling. I have found it an improvement to be the church organist as that has gotten me out of the main social interaction of the congregation who likes to hug. However, our choir director, an elderly man who just lost his wife recently due to illness, loves to grab onto people. I nearly freaked out literally last Sunday when in practice he grabbed my left arm and was bouncing it up and down as if I were directing the choir---strange. It angered me. Even those in the room looked at him oddly. He will go up to women in the choir and tell them "You are the prettiest thing..." Creepy.

CockneyRebel doesn't like the light touch which I tend to like (from people close to me like my wife). And CockneyRebel likes hugs which I don't.

Sora doesn't like the light touch which I do.

Zonder doesn't like being touched at all. That is funny about having the "do not touch" sign made by fellow employees at work. And, my wife often comments on me not liking to be touched.

Well, I just did a comparison/contrast composition of sorts. But I felt like you helped me understand me, and I wanted you to know how I compared and contrasted with you. I feel like a lot of autistic spectrum people have trouble with light touches which is unlike me. However, I have seen that a fair amount of you do like/tolerate being touched lightly. But I definitely am like most on the spectrum in that people I don't know should keep out of my personal space and not touch me.

Again, thank you all for responding. I will be anxious to read future comments on this issue.

I was reading somewhere about the touch thing, but I can't remember what site it was. Anyway, it said that many of us on the autistic spectrum find the types of touch that NTs perceive as soothing as painful for us, and that things NTs find painful we can sometimes tolerate. Well, from the posts so far---we have agreed with that one on what NTs find nice. Some of you find the light touch as painful and the firm touch as nice. And others like me may find the light touch as nice, and the firm touch painful. And some might tolerate both types depending on who is touching them. But most of us agree that we don't like any type of touch from people we are not close too.

For the pain thing---this is most interesting. That site said that we often have a higher pain threshold. I had never thought about this until recently. I just got some major work done on a tattoo. The artist, when tattooing over my sternum, had a hard time believeing I wasn't even making a face during it. He said the sternum was like one of the most painful areas and that people are usually moaning, squirming and everything else. Not me. I just laid there relaxing and thinking about things in general.

When I was in high school I had my wisdom removed in the hospital. All four of my wisdom teeth were impacted below the gum line. Afterwards, I was issued pain medicine which I never took. I never had any pain afterwards. After my back surgery in 2004, I didn't need pain medicine---although I got a blood clot in my right leg and had a pulmonary embolism (terribly painful---but that is another story).

It seems like for some of us on the spectrum, what is painful for the NT society is somehow not painful for us. This seems a mystery. It obviously has something to do with our wiring. I would be interested to know how others perceive things that the NT society finds painful.

Most hugs, kisses, etc. I find extremely uncomfortable. In some circumstances I would enjoy a hug, but those situations are quite rare.

Handshakes always catch me off-guard and I don't feel comfortable with them, regardless of whose hand I'm shaking. Once when I thought I'd be a politician (LOL), I tried to get people to try to catch me off-guard and extend their hands for a shake, so I could get used to it. That backfired miserably.

I wonder if hating touch is part of why I'm so defensive in Taekwon-Do sparring -- I do everything to avoid being hit, so much so that my instructor is constantly forcing me into a small ring so that I can't "run away" and create too much distance between a partner and myself. I feel like I get hurt a lot as well, though we hardly hit hard or do anything really dangerous.

I enjoy certain touch-related things in training, but depending on the person I'm working and what with I can have a very low tolerance for touch. Even when I'm "comfortable" I'm extremely tense.

Also, when the children run up to me and grab me, poke me, etc. I hate it. It makes me very uneasy. Contrary to that point, when I babysit my friends' toddler (though he does other touch-things that make me squirm), when he falls asleep on me I just think it's adorable.

Sorry I'm getting in late on this topic, but I go to bed early! I didn't think I had much of a touch problem (after all, I get a sports-type massage frequently, don't have a problem with the touch part of social hugging), until a substitute girl cut my hair once. The regular lady had a firm touch which I was used to, but the new girl was right out of beauty college and was not confident. She was very hesitant with a super light touch that utterly creeped me out. Although the cut was fine, it took twice as long to perform, which of course just prolonged the agony from my perspective. My father-in-law is a barber, and he says this is quite normal for new graduates. I have since become sensitized to my uneven perception of touch. Since a psychologist mention the possibility of Asperger's, it makes more sense to me.

It depends on where. If someone touches my sides/hips/waist I can get angry or upset although it will hurt mentally more than physically.

I haven't been diagnosed with anything, but I generally hate being touched. It feels a lot like being shocked to me. I can tolerate it now from my family, but it's still almost always uncomfortable when not downright painful. I also, outside of family, I get the same feeling when I accidently touch others.

It's quite complicated, sometimes I like being touched sometimes I don't, I usually don't like it when I'm caught off guard, like someone suddenly pouncing on me, but when they say "can I have a hug" or something like that it can be really enjoyable.
For some reason I can be all touchy feely with friends but have a real problem being touched by my mum. If she asks me to cuddle her I say no way and so she asks me to hold her hand but I don't and I just let her hold my finger, which doesn't make sense becasue she's my mum and in theory I should like hugging her more than I do my friends.

Also I had a friend when I was a kid and she was really touchy feely and things were a bit worse for me back then so when she tried to hug me I'd jump back and sometimes even screamed at her to get off, I used to feel really guilty afterwards incase I upset her. but as years passed I learned to like it, but there are some days where I just don't

chasingthesun brings up an interesting point here about Taekwon-Do sparring and getting hit. I personally hated any kind of contact sports. I never considered football. And I only played basketball in PE class because we had too---I was lousy. I tried to stay in an area of the court where I wouldn't get hit/touched. As a result, I took up bowling and golf as extracurricular activities.

I can relate to AnnaLemma in that I don't like for someone fresh out of barber/hair school to cut my hair. When the lady that used to cut my hair retired and turned her clientele over to a new girl, I left and went elsewhere.

Hello Greyhound---even though there are some here who don't know if they are on the autistic spectrum or not (but feel like they are), you list neurotypical on your profile---but you share an issue with us in that you get upset with certain touches. You bring up a really interesting point here. You said, "...it will hurt mentally more than physical.

bluebandit describes touches in a manner that sounds dreadfully painful---"...a lot like being shocked...downright painful."

MONKEY makes an interesting point. She likes being hugged by friends if she knows they are going to hug her in advance, but doesn't like a hug from her mother. With her mother she can hold a finger. But like most of us---she doesn't like being caught off guard. That seems to be a big theme in this discussion---"don't catch us off guard."

Again thank you for your responses. I am beginning to think that those of us on the spectrum, and ones who are not (the NTs) with some atypical issues (Greyhound), are as diverse in our ways (touch issues) as there are for the so-called NT world. When we look at the NT world we see so many different types of personalities---and so many things with them that they like and don't like. Perhaps I am discrimanating against my own kind---the autistic---when I assumed that most on the spectrum don't like light touches. We are diverse. I hope you are enjoying reading the responses from the members here as much as I am---I find it very interesting.

How were you abel to have the surgery done??? I cannot stand the thought of surgery, and I fear it more than anything else. I know I will need surgery at some point in my life, but I don't know how I will deal with it when it happens.

Anyways, back on topic. I cannot stand light touch, or touch by someone I don't know, don't mind a handshake though, and mine is exactly what most people want to see when they meet someone for the first time. I don't mind touch if it is firm enough to not give me a weird feeling afterwards. I also don't mind contact sports, and loved American football and wrestling as well... My dad knowing how some people (and at this point he was stereotyping me) with AS can't stand any form of touch, could never figure out how I liked wrestling.

When things happens, you usually stay cool. I got half my hand cut off in a circle saw. I was the one staying cool, made sure I stopped the bleeding etc.. Everyone else lost their head. When time went on before the surgery, I even argued my way out from the hospital, to care for my dog. During the actual surgery I was out, couldn't do a thing.

I can't stand any kind of hug, even if it's just a semi-hug (like a pat on the back). When I was a kid, I'd tolerate it because you're "supposed" to be nice and hug your relatives, but when I got to be about eighteen I just said

"No. I'm not doing this anymore."

and started running out on Thanksgivings/Christmases/etc. so I wouldn't have to be groped.

This is one of the reasons my mom won't accept my AS diagnosis, because supposedly, I'm only "recently" AS. No no no. I've always hated being touched. I only just now dropped the charade and admitted it.

I can't stand a light touch. My partner has been known to that sometimes and it drives me nuts. On the other hand, a very firm touch or squeeze feels good to me.

I generally prefer light touching. I am sensitive to, and generally don´t like too-firm touches, although I do like massages (medium ones) and hugs, but ONLY from people I know and like. I like to have a warning too before being touched, but it can be a non-verbal warning, like stretching the arms out (for a hug) or something. I can´t stand being touched or brushed against by strangers, and have all kinds of coping mechanisms to keep people on trains, etc., from touching me. (However, I don´t mind at all being touched by a dog or other animal who happens to be next to me). I am also less sensitive, and don´t react so negatively to the touches of children and babies...in fact, I usually enjoy them.....funny.

I don´t like being kissed except by someone who I´m in love with. But, I tolerate kisses in social situations if I know the person. I don´t particularly like being touched on the stomach.

When I´m paying at a store, I don´t like it when the cashier brushes my hand when returning the change. I prefer it when they sort of drop the change right into my hand.

I do not like light touch. I do better with firm contact. I played football as a kid and have no problem hitting people or being hit. I rather enjoy the physics of the collision. I'm sensitive to light touch everywhere on my body. In fact, just wearing clothes provides enough sensory information that my mind has to deal with potential overload from it.