Depressed After Aspie Meeting

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Well, think about this: it goes the other way around, too.
For example here... me. I go on sites such as this, and sometimes I feel as if I don't quite fit in/slightly off/weird... because so many people seem to be "higher-functioning" than me...

This one was pretty informal, but that's not a bad idea . . . surely there are others here on the forum who are in Charlotte, NC.

NAMI? Do you mean "National Alliance on Mental Illness"? GIVE ME A BREAK! I would NEVER go to such a meeting. Yeah, I guess they will do ANYTHING to make money. Mold can cause illnesses, and trigger problems.

Frankly, for "high functioning" AS, they SHOULD have basically a get together where you can discuss problems and get to know one another. They should allow SOME HFA people, ADHD, etc... but refer other people to groups that are better suited to them.
To do otherwise is insulting and really doesn't help ANYONE.

I find it easier to find someone that I can at least partially relate to , is by going to a hobby group/club, etc. At least they will be discussing something that you feel you can add to it, and won't get bored to tears. The social part might be difficult, especially if others don't quite know how to relate to you, and you to them, but it is worth a try. You might be supprised to meet another aspie at a hobby group. There are many adults that are not diagnosed, so they don't go to the support groups. I find support groups very deprressing.
Everyone talking about depressing things makes me feel like life is hopeless and there is no happiness that i can possilbly find. I would rather go to group where all of the good aspects of mine and others abilities and interests is discussed. I leave feeling hopeful.

I’m not sure how much money one makes is a true correlation for ‘functioning’. I was talking more in terms of how easy it is to carry on a conversation with the other person.

I know what you’re saying though, that those other people are mostly in a different position in their lives. I guess my purpose for joining a group was not so much for support on life issues as it was to connect with some people. When I went to graduate school I moved far away from all my old friends and relatives and found that making new friends at my age is nearly impossible, at least in the culture here. Nobody in this town goes out of their way to connect with new people. Seattle is weird like that.

I also have a problem finding people with the very same issues as me that I can relate to. They mostly have life issues that would make anyone depressed whereas I’ve been more successful in some ways but deal with a biological kind of depression. I feel like I would have the ability to learn to be more social if I had the energy but I just don’t. The others try very hard to be social but are constantly rejected. I don’t quite relate to that.

I'll be in Knoxville this spring. Sometimes I do go up to Cherokee or Bryson City too.

Aspies Getting married and living a good productive life is what isn't supposed to be easy. Marrying to another undiagnossed aspie, just because we can realate somewhat to eachother does'nt make it successful, and us much higher functioning ,even if we have stayed married and not divorcced. Neither me or my husband can hold a job. He can hold one for about 3 months at the most, and they walks off the job due to his inability to comminucate with his coworkers and his social difficulties..I can maybe last about 10 days, before my anxiety goes thhrough the roof and my depressions hits all time lows, and everyone on the job hates me. We're surviving, but not necessarirly like I would like to or anything simular to many NT sucessful couples

That just happened to stick out in my mind. One of the fellows asked another guy how much he made and it was $x. The first guy made a similar wage and I was praying they wouldn't ask me because I make a significant more amount of money and felt really out of place. From the conversations, I gathered that such was possibly the max for these guys.

I do realize that it wasn't the best example, it's just what I was able to use as an example.

I don't think in any way official it is being used to determine advanceness as the outside world lumps us all into same category. However I'm stating from my own observations few Aspies, especially men, ever get married so it is a major accomplishment when you see a male that is married. I've met lots of AS adults in person and only one was married and it was arranged. Also relatively few on WP are married and what few there are are mostly the females. Overcoming social awkwardness to even catch the interest of another person IS INDEED a major accomplishment for any of us.



While most couples do meet in school that doesn't make it any easier for Aspies to find a mate. Most Aspies continue on into college with the same social ineptness they had in high school, middle school and elementary school. People don't enjoy being around us. Few young people met in church these days because when you go to church its mostly old people that are there. Having said that I was pursued at church by an AS guy who no doubt was confused into thinking church was just a meat market. Which it is not. Neither is work. Few people meet at work and marry. Again I was stalked at work by a few AS men over the years but again few NT's ever hooked up at work and the AS guys seem to just be confused about appropriate behavior at work and church. And also confused about when/where they should be trying to get a date. Most folks meet up at social outings like when college students all get together at parties or on group dates.

It's not your town. Its the age you (and I) are. Once out of college people get married and have families. Then any free time they have outside work is spent with spouse or kids. People don't go out of their way to make new friends from about 25-65. Once the kids leave nest and spouse either divorces them or dies then they start looking to attend social groups and make new friends. Its not you, its not your city; its the culture. People have so little free time outside of work it all goes to family and have no time for friends who are single. If you have family they might hang out with you though because the kids could play with your kids. If you're single you're not welcome part of society.

I've noticed that my AS son has very little interest in the other AS kids at school. He tends to find them too self-focused, only interested in what they want to be interested in, and not that interested in what he wants to talk about. Even without talking about function level, there just isn't any "there" there, for him. I've tried to direct him to other AS kids (without mentioning why or that they are AS), but it's never worked. His best friends are NT.

I should note that to my eyes the kids I've directed him to are similar functioning to him. All very high. But he still sees nothing in them. If asked, I bet he would say they weren't as smart as him, but he'd be wrong; they just aren't as smart as him in the specific areas he cares most about. So how much is reality and how much is perception, when it comes to function level, is tough to say.

A group like this is different. We're not face to face, and the net that is cast is far wider. We choose what to respond to, and what to read, all of which acts as a natural filter from the get-go. Real life isn't set up quite that efficiently, when it comes to finding a conversation of interest. Which is why this is such a fabulous resource. People need to find someone they can connect with over issues, but finding that in real life is much more difficult.

I would give it a few meetings before deciding if there is any value in it or not. Sometimes the value comes where we weren't expecting it. Now that your preconceptions have to be tossed aside, you might be able to approach the group in a more open way, sitting back to see what might be there for you, instead of looking for something specific. But it is hard, I know that. It isn't comfortable, isn't uplifting. But that doesn't mean value can't be found.

I think the fact that the topic of asking other's how much money they make came up shows that these people weren't that socially aware. I mean, I think I would know that some people aren't comfortable being asked about that kind of thing.

Yes, I'm ashamed to say but was indeed the same National Alliance on Mental Illness aka NAMI. Though I wholeheartedly insist at nearly every meeting with my therapist that Aspergers is not a mental illness but a developmental disability. But then she gets the DSM 2-4 off the shelf and points where ASD is called mental illness. They also call my brain injury a mental illness which is stupid. Its not an illness its a freakin injury from getting kicked in the head then whacking my head on an icy parking lot a few months later.

But I digress, the NAMI group catered only to major depression types, bipolars and street people it seemed. They didn't even have a token schizo that would at least have proved interesting to talk to as would a DID patient. I once worked with a lady that had DID and have to say she was the most interesting people I've ever known, all 8 of her. This NAMI group was boring and the place smelled bad of ramen noodles and mold which set off all my sensory issues. NAMI should be renamed NASTY. I'm going off on my therapist tomorrow for suggesting I go to that nasty place. Yuck... I'd prefer meeting people with a little more intellect!

I met mine at a Haunted House. My friend dragged me there to volunteer, and I somehow came across my now husband. Something about him made me latch on and put forth a great deal of effort to not loose him as a friend(like I do with many others). I for some reason, felt that this is THE person. We have been married 8 years and have 2 kids,none of it anywhere near easy.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/pacificnw/2005/0213/cover.html

I thought it was just me at first but now I don't think so. People act polite but nobody goes out of their way. "stuffy" is the best word I can think of to describe it. It's true that I don't go out of my way to reach out to people but with me it's due to social awkwardness. I get bitter because it seems like with everyone else they could try to be friendly if they really wanted to but they just choose not to. They're NT after all. Also the statistics show that there's lots of single people over 25 here as well.

First, just to make it clear, since I didn't really realize it later, I wasn't doing the yelling at you, but the idea that some "psychiatrist" would actually dare to direct anyone to such a general place. And I could see AS as technically being a syndrome or disorder, but not a disease or illness. So we are wired differently, SO WHAT?

I really hope they try to REFINE the idea of AS, and make it clear, as opposed to the generalizing they are apparently considering.