Asperger's and Being Childfree

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It is highly unlikely that I will ever reproduce. It is not because I don't like children... and even if I WANTED to...I couldn't, as I am infertile.

Children on the spectrum are, for the most part, very difficult. Also, on the lower end of the spectrum, I think even spectrum parents would be disappointed knowing their child will never be able to live on their own, hold a job, get married and do everything they imagined their child would do. God knows I cried many nights when my son was so very delayed, and not knowing whether he would ever move up the spectrum. In my son's case it worked out, he's doing so well now. But imagine being the parent where your child never does talk, never hugs you, never says he/she loves you. It's hard.

If it's the very severe "low functioning" end of the spectrum then I guess I understand that.

I remember at a very young age, around 5, I determined that "It stops here," that I would not have children and carry on this disaster of genetic reproduction. My parents were odd but not terrible, but I knew these genes should not be continued. I knew it takes a large extended helping family to raise a child properly, and I did not have that.

I was utterly disgusted by the thought of sex from a very young age and that never changed. I've been a caregiver for over 35 years and have cleaned up hundreds of elders. I associate that part of the body with messes and awful smells and malfunctioning. From my viewpoint it is factually disgusting and needs to be kept clean and covered.

I'm 48, a virgin, celibate, don't want kids. Was married for over 19 years to a man who wanted to be a monk (I wanted to be a nun) so it worked out very well. However, when he turned 49 he had a severe mid-life crisis and suddenly decided adulterously indulging his penis with a crazy married woman was the most important thing in the world. He divorced me the day he ran off with her.

His personality completely changed into a heinous monster when he started fornicating which just made me sure that sex is an extremely odious bad thing. Nope, I'll never have children. No way.

Does autism play a part in my makeup? I think so, but I think spiritually I was predisposed to avoid sex (the great downfall) at all costs, so perhaps God made me autistic to help me stay in Him. Thank You God!

Not reproducing for AS genetic reasons is ridiculous. Human beings have introduced horrible defects while selectively breeding dogs, horses, and just about everything else. Selectively breeding to fit some genetic standard deviation makes us a weaker species.

And NT children aren't?

I like kids and they like me (mostly). but I don't think I'll ever feel emotionally mature enough to care for one full-time. I can hardly take care of myself and I admit that my dog is pretty neglected most of the time...

According to my mother, no. My brother was NT, and a wonderful child. I was the second born, I am on the spectrum, and I was the reason my dad got a vasectomy.

As for my own experience, I have never had an NT child. However seeing my own son compared to those in the Mommy and Me class we took alerted me very early on to how much more difficult he was. He screamed and cried about 4-5 hours a day. He slept less than 8 hours a day, split out over the entire day, so I didn't get a solid night's sleep until he was 2. He threw up constantly, gagging on any food thicker than a puree.

These are not things that people with NT kids have to go through.

Im not having kids because i dont like kids I think that children are annoying for some reason

I only want one kid for now. Lot of kids are brats but hey I can raise my child to not be a brat and punish it whenever he or she is one just like my own mother did to me.

I'd love to have kids sometime in the future. I especially want to have a baby girl and put her in beauty pageants. They look like so much fun! But this wouldn't be for at least another six years. I want to make sure I'm financially ready before I even think about doing anything. For me, money is the most important factor in raising a child.

Of course I did not mean that all Aspies should have this mindset just because I do. What I meant is that I think that far fewer of us grow up with the "American dream" ideal of three kids, a nice picket-fence house, etc. for obvious reasons (because we do a poor job of internalizing what society says is important). I just know I have never had any desire whatsoever to pass my genes.

My own views have evolved quite a bit, as I said earlier and as many as yours have as well. I went from being tolerant towards kids (but not eager for them) in my teens to despising them (in my early-mid twenties) to viewing them positively, in and of themselves (mid-late twenties). What has remained constant is my disgust for procreation, pregnancy and birth.

Of the four suspected AS women I have met in my life, one pretty clearly wants kids, and the other three have either been as militantly childfree as I am, had CF leanings, or completely clueless about the subject entirely.

One question I would like to explore is how many Aspies have a completely normal libido (or above normal) and yet no desire for biological children. Many of the people here who don't want kids also are largely asexual in general. That isn't the case for me.

PS--I generally do enjoy human touch, with the exception of massages (which I find very uncomfortable).

I subscribed to my own childfree way until about age 30, when I started taking part in common interests with other people. After that, I started tryng to be a good example to my friends' children - including them in our activity (it was a dual-racing type of sport), and generally playing the role of nurturer for a new generation of the sport. Some of my friends were starting to have children "late in life" themselves, so I saw many stages of fatherhood. That's when I started thinking about how I could be a successful father instead of focusing on reasons why I couldn't be one.

Approximately 24 months ago, I discovered AS. Now that I understand myself, and I want to have children (1 or 2 only), it seems like a realistic thing for me to do. I know I'll be a good father because, like Acacia, it will be a conscious thing for me to do. Being a good parent doesn't mean making lots of money for your kids. Being a good parent means helping your kids by including them in positive activities that they can use throughout life. When there are two parents in the picture, the children shouldn't have to spend time in childcare. Even if the child is on the low-end of the spectrum, it won't bother me. I will not be comparing the upbringing of my child to that of someone else's. It won't be harder than bringing up an NT child, just different. Not a big deal.

Thirty eight year old male aspie. I've had some girlfriends (though not for much of my life), and am not "a virgin". I'm always guaging the females who I meet in my field of interest, for compatibility.

I voted "No". I do have child-free "characteristics", but my current tendency is different.

I don't know anything about any 'philosophies' but I do not and have never wanted children. I could go on a long rant about the reasons but I'm sure no one cares, so I'll just give a 'Yes' vote and move on

I picked 'No' on the CF option. But what I feel is not in reality that clear cut. I do not like children, but it seems like my body and brain want kids, but I do not.

it is odd that if you dont have children people think you dont like them.

Yes they are.

MANY NT children are pretty horrible to deal with. Some are just sensitive, and some are just difficult. And there are a lot of children that aren't NT but aren't autistic either and they can be just as difficult.

Bottom line, all children are different. Even autistic children. Between my daughter and my friends daughter, both on the spectrum.. my daughter is higher functioning but is a huge handful. Her guy is lower functioning but so very calm and laid back. There is absolutely no way to know a childs temperament before birth, NT or otherwise.

FTR, I'm officially dx'd AS and I was not a difficult child at all. I was emotional and tended to take everything to heart but I was quiet, obedient, loving, very affectionate, and never got in trouble.