IS A EARLY DIAGNOISES BETTER THAN ONE IN LATER LIFE ?

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Really hard to say universally: the circumstances are all up to chance, and just a series of pros and cons. But, there's probably the highest chance of the pros outweighing the cons in getting diagnosed/behavioral training at an early age.

In my case, I was diagnosed with AS a few months ago, and was also diagnosed with generallized anxiety disorder, which very likely would at least be somewhat less if I'd developed without having to be on high alert all the time. Knowing about AS has given me present insight on all my stupid little foibles, but if I'd been able to better grow into my poor planning/organization abilities and poor social maturity/awareness, instead of always trying to compensate "typically," with things I'm naturally bad at, I might feel a bit better about where my life is going now.

It's better because one will be able to utilize help with schooling (this is universal).

People with an ASD who slip through the cracks, and don't do too bad in the early to middle stages of school (bad problems tend to arise in the latter stages), actually have a harder time than those who don't do well at school, but who are recognized with an ASD, so allowances are made.

I was diagnosed at a very very young age (4) with having AS due to my mother having lots of experience in the topic, but a friend of mine has only recently found out and he's been struggling with it for years so I believe its much better to be diagnosed as young as possible but without risking a false diagnosis.

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The only real effect of not knowing is that their own behavior (and the reactions of others) will be that much more confusing. Aspies tend to be quite baffled by other people, and others are often equally baffled by them. It's important to avoid compounding the confusion by "shielding" a person from an understanding of the cause-and-effect relationship between their condition (which, as I said, will inevitably affect them regardless of how much they know and accept it) and their own behaviors.

I think this statement is exactly what makes it hard for me to decide when to tell him. I believe (and I have spoken to his social therapist about this, and she agrees) that my son doesn't have the type of empathy at this point to really understand that his behaviors effect others. He is more concerned about his own needs and personal environment. That is fundamentally why I don't think that he understands that he is different. Even though he is very social and likes his friends, I don't think he is focused on others in that way. It's more about "them" playing with "him". Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. I wish I could read his mind, or his language was better so I could have these conversations with him. He is getting re-evaluated soon after 3 years, maybe that will be my opportunity. I may have no choice at that point.

Thanks for all of your advice and support! I really appreciate it!

It's best to be diagnosed earlier. It should make things easier and may make life less of a struggle.

yeah i'd say so i was diagnosed very young and people wouldnt know i had it know as ive improved so much

I think that I would have liked to have known about my Asperger's much earlier in life. I just found out at age 50. I had always thought I was the normal one in my family (I may still be), and that everyone else was weird. Now maybe I am not so sure? If I had known earlier, then maybe I could have had some sort of help with social skills and getting along with my family.