My mom doesnt trust me because im autistic

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sue88
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19 Feb 2009, 4:52 pm

Wow. That would really feel terrible.
I am very sorry to hear this. I wasn't diagnosed at your age so my parents didn't think about stuff like that. My parents actually would make me do way too much stuff by myself and I was usually scared.

Before your mom knew about your autism, was she a nice mom to you?
If your mom is a nice person, then I would ask her for a calm, one on one chat. Tell her that you are very intelligent for your age as many autistic people are and that your younger sister should not be put in charge of you unless you are requesting her help. Otherwise this could be very uncomfortable for you and even for your sister. Ask your doctor to explain this to your mom if necessary.
You may need additional help from others at times but a babysitter who is younger than you will only damage you self esteem further.



RudolfsDad
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20 Feb 2009, 7:26 am

Hawthorne wrote:


No she doesnt trust me with anything

Before my Dx she trusted me alot

But after my Dx she stopped trusting me


Have you pointed out to her that she trusted you a lot before the Dx? I would make a list of things that she trusted you with before the Dx. Show it to her and then say something like "Mom, you trusted me with all of these things before the Dx. I'm still the same person now that I was then -- a diagnostic label doesn't change who I am."

If that doesn't work, ask her to tell you exactly what she is afraid will happen to you if she lets you walk to the bus by yourself. If you know exactly what she is worried about, it might make it easier for the two of you to work something out.

I also think Callista had great advice. If she thinks that people with autism can't show responsibility and maturity, you might make a lot of progress with her simply by proving her wrong. Every day, make yourself a list of chores and other things that you have to do. Then get those things done. I know it probably seems unrelated but the point of this is to prove to her that you are responsible and can handle your affairs. If she sees that, she might start trusting you more.

It does sound to me like she is being unreasonable but, if she is like most NT, she probably knew almost nothing about autism before you were diagnosed. For most parents, that can be very frightening because they don't know what it means. They don't know if someone with autism can have a good life. Dealing with the diagnosis may be something that is very new and frightening for her. The more responsibility you can demonstrate, the more it will prove to her that you CAN be trusted.

If the diagnosis was recent (say, within the last 6 months or so), she will probably learn to trust you more when she has had more time to learn about autism.



Danielismyname
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20 Feb 2009, 7:38 am

Man, you actually want to catch the bus somewhere? Alien, totally alien.



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20 Feb 2009, 7:50 am

It's very similar with me, I still can't go out by myself. Try asking her to give you a chance to prove you can be trusted, say that eventually you will need to do stuff like this eventually.


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20 Feb 2009, 10:22 am

Perhaps waiting for the bus with/going out with a trusted close friend (your age or older who lives nearby) might be a more sensible solution?

That way, your sister would be able to do her own thing and there wouldn't be any resentment.



DustinWX
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20 Feb 2009, 10:32 am

go to hell kid



emmelle-cy
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20 Feb 2009, 10:35 am

I understand you. Sometimes my mum has a go at me because I have special needs. It really ticks me off and one member of staff at my college says that she can't trust me. This really hurted me but I haven't done anything about it. The best way I would say is to show your mum you can do these things. Sometimes you have to prove you can do something to show people you can do it. You will just have to try :star:


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CelticGoddess
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20 Feb 2009, 11:46 am

How long ago did you get your dx?



Ana54
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20 Feb 2009, 1:35 pm

Hawthorne, you need to poke that b***h in the eye. Hard enough to burst the eye a little. She'll never call you incompetent again, though she might call you a monster.



DeLoreanDude
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20 Feb 2009, 1:49 pm

That's just mad. If I was you, I would ignore what she tells you to do and just do stuff on your own anyway.



HowlingMad1992
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20 Feb 2009, 2:49 pm

Just crazy, my mum and dad have never doen that to me. They can trust me and don't see me as autistic.



MegaAndy
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20 Feb 2009, 3:19 pm

funny that they don't trust you when one of the things of aspergers is not lying (although this is not related to the example you gave :lol:



howzat
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20 Feb 2009, 4:13 pm

Your mum's behaviour is disgusting and secondly she is discouraging you the whole point is if you know where is the bus stop is she should give you some space so that you can gain some confidence secondly have a phone with you so that when you reached to your bus stop give your mum a ring just to say i have reached at the bus stop safely something like that hope this helps.



EnglishLulu
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20 Feb 2009, 4:14 pm

It probably won't help if you have a confrontation about it every time you want or need to go out, and you're just about to go out and your mom tells your sister to go with you and you object and you get stressed because you have a bus to catch...

It's probably a good idea to sit down with your mom one afternoon or evening, when you're not just about to go out, and ask if you can have a chat about what she's worried about, what you can do to reassure her that you'll be okay and that you're old enough and sensible enough to do this.

Having a calm, sensible, mature conversation about the issue might be a bit more likely to score a result than throwing a teenage tantrum just as you're trying to leave the house and go out.



CelticGoddess
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20 Feb 2009, 4:55 pm

EnglishLulu wrote:
It probably won't help if you have a confrontation about it every time you want or need to go out, and you're just about to go out and your mom tells your sister to go with you and you object and you get stressed because you have a bus to catch...

It's probably a good idea to sit down with your mom one afternoon or evening, when you're not just about to go out, and ask if you can have a chat about what she's worried about, what you can do to reassure her that you'll be okay and that you're old enough and sensible enough to do this.

Having a calm, sensible, mature conversation about the issue might be a bit more likely to score a result than throwing a teenage tantrum just as you're trying to leave the house and go out.


Excellent advice.



samtoo
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20 Feb 2009, 5:16 pm

Show her pages on the internet that explain more about the condition? A little knowledge is a good thing.


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