What is "The Wall" to you?

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What is "The Wall" to me? Pink Floyd...seriously, that was my first association when I read just the title! I felt a compulsion to click onto this topic, just to find out what "The Wall" is...

Now that I´m here, I would say that one of my "walls" is networking- just can´t do it. I love to direct musicals, and I have applied for jobs before in the usual way; unfortunately, that´s not how one gets directing jobs. (It´s all social networking, or at least it seems to be). Also, in applying for jobs, I tend to be totally honest about what I can do, and what I can´t do; I can´t just gloss over things like many people can. I figure it´s a match on both sides, and I like to feel good about what I´m doing.

Another thing I just can´t seem to do is seduce a man, or even approach a man. I can´t take any initiative, I´m so worried about what to do! I feel so uncomfortable about the whole dating/flirting thing, that I tend to act really shy...(or, my guess is that people think I´m probably really aloof). I had hoped this would get better with age, as many other things did, but this just seemed to get worse. I feel so lost, and it´s all not talked about, so I tend to just bow out of the whole dating thing.

Thank you all for the excellent replies so far.

For me, the idea of "The Wall" (being something which I cannot overcome) has shown itself most consistently in my attempts at relationships.... I have no friends. I have no romantic partner. I am somewhat estranged from my immediate family. There is no one in my life, and this pattern suggests an actual inability.

But that is the crux of this thread, really. I'd like to believe that under some circumstances, I COULD form meaningful relationships. I just have no idea what those circumstances are, or how I might help to bring them about. Worse yet, the idea that I can't form relationships becomes something of a self-fulfilling prophesy when I start to not want other people in my life because of the continual pattern of social failure.

It feels like there is almost something tangible "there" in that space in between me and other people, which prevents normal social interaction from taking place. I suppose that was the inspiration for the whole "Wall" metaphor, which I'm glad that many of you can identify with.

I continue to welcome your input on this topic. Thanks!

this whole thread smacks of a defeatist attitude.

Good one. I can't even figure out how networking functions. Not only am I bad at making friends, but I don't understand why anyone would want to help me, when they know I'm just making friends with them in the hopes that they'll do something for me...

Thank you for sharing your point of view on this issue.
However, I feel that I should clarify a few things.
That attitude you speak of, and not being subject to it, is part of what this thread is addressing.

As I said:

This thread is a discussion about the distinction between perceived and actual inabilities, their effects on people's lives, and how they relate to ASD's. The slant is constructive.

I'll tell you where I hit the wall... there's still a large imprint of my body visible against the bricks!

Recently i've been stretching myself, socially. I managed four social interactions with different people in one day. At the fifth, I was feeling optimistic and buoyed.

I was pleased to see that the expression I had worn to greet the person had a more upbeat effect than the usual expression that I wear (which is fairly blank and gives little away).

Then after a few minutes I started to 'fade'. My appreciation of all things social disappeared. I knew why I was there, but no longer cared or had any connection. It felt likes wires had been unplugged. In the space of just three sentences the words stopped coming to me. I spent about ten seconds searching for something to say, anything at all, but knew that it wasn't going to happen.

In the end I knew that I had to say *something*, even if just to politely leave. Finally I remembered a farewell phrase, and said goodbye. Thankfully that person knows that I have difficulty, or I suspect i'd have been marked as strange for my behaviour.

I knew as I was leaving what had happened. I'd done too much in a day and 'hit the wall'. Considering how much I love words, and the extent of my vocabulary, it was a frustrating experience. Still, I already knew that the wall was there... I usually take care not to get so close to it.

To the previous poster who thinks that a thread like this is defeatist, according to logic it cannot be. "The Wall" is something outside of our control. So therefore it cannot be an 'ism', or intended behaviour. And thus cannot be defeatist. There, i've defeated your suggestion

oh i see. apologies for not understanding you correctly. still, you could think of a more positive metaphor than a wall?!

I actually feel like I reached that point, my own personal Wall. My biggest problem is time management. There's just so much that needs to be done in life, and according to a predetermined code, timeline, and method which is totally alien to how I think. So to make myself fit, it's been a lot like trying to hammer a square block twice the size of a given circular receptacle. It just doesn't fit and I've totally worn myself out trying to make it work. I've tried writing things down, alarm clocks, what ever. Sometimes it takes me longer to get a task done than the time I'm given to do it. I even had a friend spend the entire summer break trying to help me over come this, but it didn't have the results we hoped for. This is something I've been beating my head over for nearly a decade, and even though I sometimes make progress, everything always ends up unraveling eventually. Things never work right for more than a month. I've always blamed myself, but it's like I'm trying to make myself be someone I'm not. It's like asking an NT to try and think like an aspie all the time. The mind rebels against that sort of thing. I can't go through life trying to fix my problems at this snail pace so I'm beginning to consider more drastic measures. I'm looking into seeing if a service dog would help solve a lot of these problems. Or maybe I need something else. I haven't given up, and I don't resign to the idea that I can't do anything about it because I'm disabled. There's so much I can share with this world so I'm determined to make it work. But lately, since coming here, I realized that I shouldn't blame myself and have since relaxed some. I'll probably end up still making the same mistakes. But I can't go through life being as hard on myself for making those mistakes as I have in the past.

About four months ago my sister-in-law's son died unexpectedly. He was very young, about 21 I think. I had only seen him three or four times in my life, as her side of the family isn't that close. After I told my wife, I thought that maybe we should call her sister to express sympathy. But we decided against it because I thought it might make her feel worse by bringing up the subject. I left it up to my wife to decide if she wanted to call, but she didn't either. Oh boy was that the wrong thing to do!
For my part, I thought of what I would want if it had happened to me. But what I would have wanted would be to be left alone. And that's not what my sister-in-law wanted. I finally called after thinking about it for a week, only to find out that the funeral had been a couple of days earlier and we were not invited. I don't think she's ever going to speak to us again.
Looking back, I know why she's angry. But when I tried to figure out what the right thing to do was "on the fly" I failed miserably.

In contrast to this, last week a coworker came to work saying he was depressed. The reason was that one of his son's friends had died of a drug overdose unexpectedly. It was almost the exact situation I had faced. But because my coworker had the ability to feel empathy, and I guess he feels it really deeply, his emotions prompted him to call the boy's family right away. I think he sent them a text message too. And these were people he didn't even know.

I think this is Asperger's at work in it's most classic sense. I ran right up into the wall and it stopped me in my tracks. Thank God I at least have the ability to look back and learn from what happened.

my most disadvantageous "wall" is the one between me and all other people.

for me it is more well described as a "lack of bridges" to other peoples minds. i have no ability for affection. by that i mean i am not affected by anyone, and they are not affected (directly as in a "vibe" sense) by me.

i understand logically what they say, and i can say what i think logically, but when it comes to the "emotional connection" side, i am bereft. it is not simply an impaiment of theory of mind, it is also an impairment of the mental bonding thing where people live in each others heads while they are talking.

a simple, basal and concrete example of this is where people are infected by a yawning impulse. one person yawns, and others see it and they feel like yawning. i am never affected.
another less basal example is how laughter is infectious to normal people.
if someone starts to laugh hysterically, most people will smile broadly and even laugh themselves without knowing what the laugher is laughing about.
i never am infected by the urge to smile when i see someone laughing about something i do not know. even when i find out what they are laughing about, i almost never find it funny, and i remain expressionless and unmoved. i can not fake anything because it is gross to fake things in my mind. anyway, mental bonding ability is a crucial instinct to have in order for people to want me in their world. it is a crucial element of community structure that promotes promotion to higher levels of success.

i have a very good ability for logical process, and one of my programs goes 31 nests deep in one place. but no one ever liked me enough to do me any favors by giving me a chance to make something of myself.

what i have, i gouged out of the world with my bare hands.

so the "lack of bridges" to me means it is like i am alone on a plateau with a deep canyon surrounding me, and there is no bridge to where other people are. there is just empty space between me and them. they can not come to my world and i can not go theirs.

that is the deepest sadness that i can see that is because of my autism.

i am not lonely however, because i keep myself company.
i like my company. i am happy to have me around.