Developing a Thicker Skin

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For what it's worth, a lot of NTs have the same problem.

The quality of what we do becomes an issue of our "pride" or identity of self. When people harshly criticize our work, we take it hard.

The other side is that most people are clueless about how to critique. The best people know how to say what needs fixing but not tear you down needlessly. At the same time, if you compete in a given area, they may expect that you can handle harsher treatment.

For example, watch Hell's Kitchen. Those contestants get ripped new buttholes every week, but they came on the show representing that they had the skill to be an executive chef in a 5 star restaurant. Now they are being evaluated to see what they really have. If they can't hack the pressure, they don't have what it takes to do the job they are seeking.

You wouldn't be so hard on someone working at the IHOP.

I'm strangely ambivalent on this thick/thin skinned issue.

If anybody says anything offensive to me, it's mostly like water off a duck's back, especially if I sense a deliberate attempt to hurt my feelings....I take delight in showing them that I don't give a damn what they say or think. I guess I learned a long time ago that bullies are just trying to get off on finding a Chinese in other people's armour, so I became intuitively well-defended in that respect. Whenever I see anybody throwing their weight about or getting on their high horse, I'm loading my emotional guns immediately, and my attention is completely focussed on keeping calm and working out what I can do to disable them.

On the other hand, if I sense I've let somebody down, particularly somebody I view as vulnerable, I can barely cope with the remorse feelings I get.

I'm completely insensitive to complements of anything good, and overwhelmingly sensitive to insults.

Ah yes, compliments......mostly I don't trust them, I think a lot of people have a habit of praising things that they really don't admire at all, just to butter people up. But sometimes when it looks sincere I can take it in and feel good about it. Mostly when it's the other type, I thank them and try to grin a bit, but I'd really rather they didn't bother, unless they really meant it. To my mind, of a person is prepared to lie to me so glibly, I just feel suspicious of them. For the same reason, I don't usually give compliments unless I really mean them - I assume people feel the same way as I do, though I suppose they usually don't.

While I believe I have grown a tougher skin over these past few years, the memories of my teachers, instructors, and other people telling me to "let it roll off my back" still haunt me. I'm always waiting when someone gives critique, what they are going to say.

To be honest though, I'd rather get critique in the real world, seeing the person face to face, because I read their motions much better and to be honest, people behave much more better in real life then online. I can't read a person's emotions online, even with smilies, because they might be sarcastic too.

I communicate better online, but I don't usually trust people for critique online. They are very miscellaneous and they are often very rude with their critique.

And I'll be honest, that's why I'm not on wrong planet very much, I find people here can get really rude with their critique. Granted, they are on the spectrum too, but yeah...I have to be in the mood to hear critique from them.

I think sensitivity has it's good parts, such as being sensitive to someone's feelings and sensitive to some noises or tastes that actually AREN'T good at all. Then there is also being sensitive (if you believe in this) to other worldly things, you can have a sixth sense basically.

^
Yes the word "sensitive" seems to have at least 2 meanings:

1. taking the slightest criticism as a gross insult (bad)
2. noticing important details that others overlook (good)

I think they're quite different things.

Actually I've just been guilty of the first definition......I asked somebody for a small piece of information by email, and when he replied he asked me why I hadn't just looked at the website that would have told me, and sent me a link to it. It's only slightly prickly of him to say that, but for some reason it's made me quite angry, more so than the occasion really warrants. If he'd given me the info and reminded me in passing that it was also on the website, I think I'd have been fine about it. I've got a poor short-term memory and there have been a few times in the past when people have been impatient about my asking the same question twice.....I just feel people ought to use a bit more patience with that kind of thing.

I think that mainstream society expects everybody to have a thick skin, and if a person shows any sign of sadness in their voices, or their faces, that they get ostracized for being sensitive. I just let my emotions show. I don't care if I look like a "bad bleeder". I know when people are hiding their emotions. They look like Sid from Flushed Away with their lips hidden. I know, because I did the same thing for two years. I don't wish to have a thicker skin, if that's what society wants from me. Stupid society. It makes me proud of my bottom lip.

Me too.... I'm exactly like that at times, and I might suspect I might also suffer from depression which i haven't seem to have done anything about it.
Sometimes I try and think the opposite of what they are saying and pretend I wouldn't care less... it sometimes works for me, maybe it might work for you?

I do eventually try and listen to music to ignore the pain and the feeling which again works for me occassionally and sometimes saves me from having a meltdown.

I'm the type of person who deeply wants to follow the crowd. I'd rather be just another sheep than who I am, really. If I see I am less sensitive than last year, I feel proud of it.

I tend to throw krittasizzum back in
epples face.

Let me state this so keltick boogernose
does not get me wrong this time:

I am Not Mature and never said I was.

Ok with that our of the way.

I will throw krittasizzum back in peples
faces, I don't feel like taking it, or
I hadnle it diffrently, I don't have
a problmem with the way I hadnle things.

I will either spew a bunch of errors or I
will taunt and call them poopyface and boogerface
and toilet licker and such, over and over again
until they get iggzassperaytidd.