The lack of flame wars on WP: an Aspie trait?

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I've noticed this here too ... the other board I frequent is a pretty tight-knit community of people, many of whom have met IRL, who genuinely care for each other, but the fighting does break out. It's an interesting mirror of "real life" I think. I wondered if it's because there's more of an exchange of thoughts and ideas here at WP rather than feelings. Fighting often starts at the other board because people are being goofy and comical, and it's misunderstood and taken personally.

Well, I think I could start a flame war very easily if I wanted to. I can be very abrasive and confrontational, and say things that even another Aspie thinks is rude and unnecessary. But I just don't push the issue - if someone wants to get offended by what I say, fine, I'll let them have their say. I see no reason why if I can say something potentially volatile that soemone else can say what they think of that in return. I suspct that is rather Aspie of me. I can be a b*tch, but I'm fair about it. I do see many NTs thinking they can get away with being a b*tch or a jerk and get mad bcause someone else takes that liberty in return.

Other things I think are Aspie-ish of me that keep me personally out of flame wars:

- if someone makes a personal attack, I honestly just have nothing to say in return. It's uninformative and it disinterests me. That sort of impedes the type of petty retaliation that fuels a flame war.

- I am bound by my AS to speak informatively. If I call someone something like "self-centered" or "illogical" or whatever I am speaking a conclusion based informed by evidence. I can be wrong aboutmy conclusion, but I don't think I'm name-calling per se. Name-calling I feel is non-informative and only intended to hurt. I see that as petty and pointless.

- when I say things that are abrasvise in response to something someone else has said, I don't aim from their feeling or their self-esteen. I'm expressing my irritation or frustration to something they say, and I see a distinction between the person and what they post (most of the time). I take what people post at face value, and if it's absurd and illogical when it's being passed off as logical, I will get annoyed and say something. If it's simply wrong, unjust or unfair, I get pretty peeved too.

- I'm really not conflict-seeking. I've got other things on my mind. I only have interest in conflict if it seems informative or constructive. As soon as a debate hints of a stalemate or exhaustion, I'm out and looking for something else to occupy my interest.

- it is perhaps ego-centric and even arrogant of me, but I think sometimes the people I run into over the internet aren't as bright as they think they are. So I just don't think they're worth the energy.

- but on the other hand, I accept I'm not all-knowing myself, and there are limitations to my knowledge and understanding of things. I also know thwre are traits of my personality that probably need some work too. I don't have a problem with people crorecting my factual errors, but at the same time I don't feel compelled to advertise via the Internet all my character flaws

LOL. Yes, I too would suspect that for many of us Aspie, we're just not as skilled nor practiced at insulting other people as some NTs.

Not that I'm a good arguer, but for myself I feel less of a person if I resort to simple, stupid name calling. It isn't satisfying. I want to make my point (or try to make it) in a well-argued, logical manner. Anything less isn't worth it.

Does anyone else feel this way, too?

I've nowhere else to compare this to, finding & joining WP is the reason I'm online more (regularly). This site wouldn't thrive if it didn't help people help each other. As people with a confusing & conflicting dx we need support & tolerance, not fakery & derision-we get enough of the latter IRL. If there were no way to encourage respectful connection & discourage inappropriate meanness, there'd be less continuity of community here. There are plenty of other places (on and off line) folks can go to do their thing and there seems to be a lot of diversity on WP despite our similar dx labels.
Defining thresholds is challenging (I'm terrible at making decisions, esp. about other people) & I don't envy the job of the mods.

Yes. I also agree with the comment that we just can't insult people -I always think of a decent retaliation several hours too late ...

Cade and Sophist - your comments exemplify what I was thinking the reason would be. Cade, you described it near-perfectly.

Doggone, but you beat me to saying this by sixteen minutes. I agree that, despite some very heated debate (particularly in the "philosophy, religion, politics" forum) WP rarely sinks to the depths of nasty, pointless name-calling that one often sees elsehwhere.

I think that there is a general atmosphere of repsect and concern here, even when we disagree pretty heatedly. I have been told that I am wrong here, but never made to feel that I am less than intelligent. I believe that that is the atmosphere of the forum.

Even those who have posted here that they are often contentious are not really guilty of flaming. They may heatedly address an issue, as I sometimes do, but they rarely, if ever, attack the people they are debating with.

The participants, and the excellent moderators, do an excellent job of maintaining that.

That's alot of insight ... thanks

I can't speak for everyone, but as an aspie who also visits non-Aspergers related forums and blog sites, I come here to escape the aggressiveness that is present in other boards and talk with people that can relate mentally. I can't stand people who flame and then justify themselves with "its called freedom of speech, deal with it or leave you little [insert derogatory comment here]" It happens almost everywhere, but I can't imagine anyone here behaving like that.

Well put. That's exactly what I think, and have posted publicly here. (Who knew SB2 and I would ever agree on anything? LOL)

Actually, I've seen more flame-wars on these boards than I've seen on some other totally unrelated ones. It is pretty peaceful compared to boards that don't require registration, though.

Sometimes (generally on other forums) I type up a ranting, raving response and then don't post it. It's cathartic.

(I'll have some cheese with that non-sequitur, please)

He's grovelling because one more warning and he's out, I reckon.

I think he's being sarcastic.

It crossed my mind, but then I remembered that Yanks don't generally do sarcasm.