More about my situation.

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...I don't have a phone, or a car at my disposal. It would take some setting-up, to arrange for the place to be set up, then foe the things to be sent here, and get things, once sent here, there. It would help SO MUCH if someone would assist me.. Please ?








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That sounds like a much more sure thing than hoping someone reading this is going give you their personal information such as their name and home address. That's expecting whole a lot, too much maybe, on a forum where virtually everyone wants to stay anonymous.

And again if it were me I would call a few local churches and shelters etc to see if someone local would volunteer to do that. I expect I would get a quicker yes or no answer that way, then waiting for someone on this forum to agree to drive to Santa Cruz for me.[/quote]

Okay well since you say you are posting from a phone I thought you had one.

Good luck on asking help from total anonymous strangers on an internet forum to do things like give you their name and home address and/or driving long distance to where you are. That seems about as sure a thing as winning the lottery, but if you think that's the best way to go.

Are you staying at a shelter? Surely there's a phone there you can use during business hours. Or a pay phone somewhere? Or, better yet, do you have an email address for the lawyer that's been pestering you? If you can type on these forums you can send him an email just the same and provide the address of where you are that he can have things shipped to.


As for college.. personally, my education experience was excellent. I went to a commuter school. Almost zero dorms or "college life," for anyone. It was an all work & no play school where I did 130.5 credits in 2 years vs. the standard 120 in 4 years. Perfect for an Aspie seeking knowledge and limited social interaction!

Next up, free online classes in the new year. Then perhaps 3-5 years from now part/full time studies on campus at a different local Uni. This place is The place to attend here. World class w/ an absolutely gorgeous campus by the ocean.. beautiful Uni in the rainforest by the sea. I've driven there, over 100km roundtrip, ~250 times or so to go to the beach the last few Summers & would love to study there in that environment (and so does a lot of the world now, so there's literally global competition) so, I get the appeal of just being there in a place like that, I truly do. If I can make the grade over the next several years, I'd like to attend school there, for sure.

What would I do in ASS-P's situation? I'd do everything in my power to get myself registered for a free online class and then, with no fixed address to be tied to like an anchor, I'd have my tablet/laptop and spend my time studying on the campus of my choice, in that environment whether outside in a courtyard or in a library. Even if I couldn't get into that particular school, damn it I'd be taking a college class and doing it while being there & breathing in that air anyways! I wouldn't let anything stop me from my goal. I'd just do it - and if, for some legitimate reason, I could Not do it yet, I'd be doing everything I could to overcome whatever obstacles were in my way until I could do it. Then do it.

Phew!

Somebody asked:

. . . but I forgot to note your name, and the thread is so long I can't find it again! Sorry, I did look!

I didn't mean to give the impression that anyone here is preventing ASS-P from going to college. I had read a post a while back in this thread, I think posted by kraftiekortie but I'm not sure, which said that when ASS-P was college age he was institutionalized and was therefore unable to attend college.

If I remembered that correctly . . .

That is an experience that is common among older people with disabilities, not just for college, but even for primary school children. Often the disabled were institutionalized and never learned anything academically.

(I'd like to address some other topics brought up in this thread, so I'm not just speaking to whoever I quoted up above! Please know the rest of this isn't a personal response.)

I can relate because I experienced similar things. I wasn't institutionalized for my whole life, but I can recall being "warehoused" and "institutionalized" on and off before I even started school. I can recall being pulled out of classes starting in Kindergarten, at 4 years old; therefore missing a lot of the material other children learned. Instead, I went to the principles office, where I stood in the garbage can, among other horrible things I'd rather not mention. I can recall going to a parent teacher conference for second grade as my teacher and guardians tried to work out with each other where I had been for the last 3 months or so. Nobody knew, but I wasn't in class. I can recall sitting in the hallway for several months during fifth grade because I finished my test too early, and I told a student a fact, unrelated to the test, and not during the test. Since I wasn't learning anything in the hallway other than what time the janitor sweeps up, my guardians eventually decided to "home school" me until halfway through sixth grade, and that, in part, means that I was in charge of educating myself. For a year and a half. I can recall spending most of seventh grade sitting in an isolated room known as I.S.S., short for "in school suspension", because the administration "wasn't sure" what I knew after having home schooled in fifth and sixth grade. I can recall being placed in special ed around eighth grade, and then being criticized for not belonging there, either, because I did the academic work, and getting tossed back into "normal" classes, which I was struggling with, by then. I can recall multiple institutionalization's, or times when I ran away, or hospitalized, where I missed months and months of school work, and had to try to "catch up" afterward. I can recall being told in middle and high school that I was getting a summer school education, and that I was being fast-tracked, which turns out to mean that no one cares if you actually go sit in class because you'll go to summer school, and if you don't have to be in class . . . for the whole year. Well there are other, less pleasant places for you to be taken during the school day, if you use your imagination, and you can guess that you don't learn much there, either. I can recall making it a priority for me to read every textbook I could, and watch every documentary I could because I was afraid of what I was missing growing up to the point that I didn't watch sesame street until I was in seventh grade - and I only did that because I was afraid of being such a social misfit, I thought it would help me understand where my "peers" were coming from. I can recall at the end of eleventh grade some boy complaining that I would graduate the following year, even though I had missed so much school. So in twelfth grade, I sat the entire year in the guidance office taking tests that are meant for foreign students to take to place them in an appropriate grade . . .

More isolation from socializing and being educated was the solution to being isolated from socializing and educated. And I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones, because at least I got to be in class some times.

If these things no longer occur due to the ADA or something, then I'm happy. But for older people with disabilities the chance at a comprehensive education tended to be stolen from them. Not by people in this thread, but by the societal system as it existed when us older people were growing up.

And we have a right to complain about that.

For what it's worth, not only does Autism generally come with the tendency to be a bit obstinate sometimes, as someone already mentioned, but it also impairs executive functioning skills, and isolation and ostracization cause permanent damage to the brain, which leads to permanent depression, and even greater social and other deficits, such as impaired ability to find or follow directions. If you don't like ASS-P and his ways, you don't have to read this thread anymore. But I wish that before anyone leaves here it would be with the understanding that his brain and attitude might work differently, but there are probably valid, sometimes physical reasons why people like he and I think and behave the way we do.

To expect us to "act normally" is going to be a losing battle. And to pile on more abuse and ostracization is probably not going to be effective, either.

Looking back on my life, it's no wonder that I have no social skills, and can't seem to compete in this world. Even a person without autism would suffer from isolation and interrupted education.

It has been a never ending source of frustration in my life that I will start trying to explain to people some of my problems, and they will offer up solutions which, when I think about them, won't help, or work for one reason or another. Maybe I tried that already. Maybe I can think of another hurdle which wasn't mentioned before. Maybe I am worried about some future problem that will arise if I try that solution.

It's not that I don't like the person offering them, or that I'm just a jerk to the bone. And neither is ASS-P. When I offered him solutions that were inadequate, what I noticed is that he said "Thank you", before giving me reasons why they were inadequate. So I know that he appreciated the effort, even though it wasn't enough.

I have frequently found, when I mention problems I've faced, if I dare say to people that I'm not satisfied with the offered solution, the people offering solutions become offended, and ultimately stop trying to help at all, or worse, attack me. No one ever seems to think that maybe not every solution that pops into their head is viable. Or that maybe the person doing the complaining has tried that already, and it didn't work. Or that maybe what a person needs isn't a solution at all, but three or seven solutions, or even just people to commiserate with. People who will say, "I understand. Something was stolen from you, and that hurts."

If someone told ASS-P that he can take the bus to campus, and he says he's not going to do that for xyz reasons, then why would people be insulted by that? Especially if the reasons are valid, like he has CHF, and can't walk to the bus stop alone, or that he's been so traumatized by the college system, he's not sure he could handle it emotionally. It may not be that he's just too stubborn. Those are valid problems which complicate the matter. It may be that he's had 30 more years to examine the problem than we all have . . . and it's a complicated problem that only gets more complicated and more difficult to solve the older he gets. I think I'll trust ASS-P if I offer a solution and it's inadequate. That's his decision to make. If I want to, I'll amend my solution with further solutions. If I get tired of offering solutions I can either just offer an ear in the hope of understanding more maybe, or leave the thread.

There's no reason to get all upset over it.

ASS-P, like a lot of older people with disabilities, were ignored to the point of wasting their lives, and continue to be ignored now. I think this thread has value even if no one manages to solve all of ASS-P's problems because of the fact that he calls attention to that, and is able to verbalize it, which not everyone can do!

Telling someone to quit complaining that they were ignored and are still ignored, is just taking the position that people should not mention that they're being ignored, which doesn't solve the problem of being ignored. It just makes life easier on the people wishing to do the ignoring in peace.

It doesn't make a lot of sense to me to dismiss ASS-P when he acknowledges that he needs a lot more assistance than anyone will provide, and voices a desire for a lot of assistance . . . only for me to complain that he seems to be unable to do everything himself. If he could do it himself, he wouldn't be asking for assistance.

I can also relate to ASS-P, though, in that I think I could use a lot more assistance than I could ever receive. And I know how it feels when people sneer at you because you think you would benefit from assistance, even if it's a lot more than other people have judged me to need, which seems to be just about no assistance at all. I admire someone who admits they can't do it all themselves. I understand it's not easy to admit that.

I have trouble understanding people who adopt the position that "I did it myself, therefore someone else should".

That's not always possible, and ASS-P's circumstances are particular to him. If he feels unable to do something . . . well that may be a good way for everyone to think about being "disabled". There might be things that we can never do. There might be things we can do only with assistance. There might be things we can do despite being disabled, but that doesn't make us entirely able, it just makes it more impressive that we managed to do it against the odds.

That's just my opinion. I'm not trying to insult anyone, or step on anyone's toes. I just think that it's not correct to portray ASS-P as being a lazy, unappreciative person, because in having offered him some possible solutions, I can see his problems are complex and multilayered, and he did thank me even though I wasn't able to solve his problems.

Or Maybe ASS-P's greatest fear is that if he tries to accomplish his goal that he might just succeed & then won't have anything to complain about anymore in his unending quest for attention?

Plainjane, you're dealing with narrow-minded conservative a**holes. I've argued with these types until I'm blue in the face. I've showed them their own contradictions in their own value system. When it comes to their beliefs and values trying to argue with them is a complete waste of your time and ASS-P's time.

It is funny though how people you have encountered have said "I did x, so you can do x to." That's a fallacy called a hasty generalization. They're taking attributes from a small sample space (themselves) and are trying to apply it to a bigger group (yourself and others).

You can't argue with stupid. Neither can you ASS-P.

It sucks what you had to go through, Plainjane. Were you in the NYC Public School System?—-sounds like their MO.

I was fortunate that I was placed in a private school for people with disabilities early, and placed on an academic track. There was a strong emphasis on discipline...but at least I did enough academic work to succeed when I got into public school in 6th grade.

The public school experiment failed because of my behavior problems, and the usual crap that happens in the NYC public school system.

I was placed, for 9th grade. in a school for “gifted underachievers,” where I did okay, not great. I did graduate.

I am of the firm belief that one should never deny the past—but that one shouldn’t be ruled by the past.

Perhaps their problem with people in this thread being ridged thinkers and applying themselves to the situation in what they can do or have done, is a result of the fact that they are autistic, rather than them just being stupid a**holes.

How often are autistic people misunderstood based on what and how they say things in a way that angers others and told they are being rude?

Someone said to me, "Ezra, you do realize one of the traits of autism is rigid thinking" in regard to how ASS-P responds to others. That applies to other autistics, doesn't it? I think it's only fair to take everything plainjane said about how autism impacts people's thinking and reasoning etc, and apply it to others in this thread, because they are also autistic.

Last edited by EzraS on 09 Dec 2017, 8:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think ASS-P is a "stupid a**hole.'

I do believe he has it in him to improve his situation. He's a pretty bright guy. He's not an ignoramus.

If his brother had lots of "stuff," ASS-P would have to store it. And that costs money per month in a storage facility. It's a bit of a pain in the butt.

What I'm thinking: Maybe ASS-P can be sent the pictures and such which are easily stored within his "person" or a knapsack first. Then, when he becomes able to store things in a storage facility, he could ask whoever has the rest of the stuff to send it to him.

Perhaps.

Perhaps they're not a**holes but simply NT's who intuitively "get" whatever it is that you do not, and thus appear to be a**holes for not seeing things your way. If so, chances are that from their pov, you're the a-hole. It's all a matter of perspective, really.

That may be a partial solution, actually.. having someone mail just a few photos. Maybe ASS-P can hang onto a few small things that don't require a storage address. Maybe it doesn't have to be All or Nothing - very, very, good point, kraftiekortie.

However, I think you missed the point that All of the stuff needs to be sent somewhere or it's likely to be discarded.

Last edited by goldfish21 on 09 Dec 2017, 8:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's others in this thread being called that or similar based on how they have responded to ASS-P.

Is it, though? I wasn't sure if it was other posters or people being referenced in a story about institutionalization and public school systems etc.

If it's me, meh, sticks & stones.. heh I'm heading out for dinner with some of my God kids & their father. Y'all have fun.

You ever eat the cracker called "Goldfish?"

Well I thought it was criticism of people in this thread, but now I'm not so sure.

It's a hard situation ASS-P is in. I sure wouldn't want to be in his situation.

But at least it's at least a little better than his situation of a year ago.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 09 Dec 2017, 9:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.