Invalidation

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The majority of the most caring people I know, those who will sit with others day after day, have food and things thrown in their face, and tolerate it all with a smile, use all of those statements all of the time!

I can understand how they are classed as invalidating, but one is either being hyper sensitive or being seriously bullied to find them honestly offensive, IMO.

Its not what you do, its the way you do it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doHQjoQmr1E

I know what you mean, Amity. One good clue to is to notice where your energy level goes after interacting with certain people - look for a consistent pattern, for example you may notice that after interactions with person X, you seem to have much lower energy for hours or even days, even though it seemed like a 'perfectly normal' encounter at the time. These sudden shifts of energy/mood/motivation without any obvious external cause are one of the most reliable clues available to us. One-off's will happen in most relationships and are not necessarily a danger signal; it's a pattern over time which is telling. And part of this is that we pick up on things at a subconscious level that bypasses our conscious impressions at the time of the encounter.

No...not nonsense!

You don't like people to "value-judge?" You're doing it now.

I would never say that anything you say is "nonsense." That would totally "invalidate" you.

We have to right to engage or not to engage.

However, we are invalidating ourselves if we choose not to engage owing to a fear of "invalidation." Or "perceived invalidation."

If you would get to know me, you'd KNOW that I don't desire to invalidate anybody, nor do I invalidate anybody. Not agreeing with somebody's take on life does not mean that I'm "invalidating" them as people.

I don't dislike Dianthus at all. Why should I?

I disagree with what she said. That's all.

She disagreed with what I said.

We are two different human beings. There will be differences in our outlook.

I'm not going to dislike somebody just because they have a different opinion as mine.

But I'm not going to back down from anybody.

I like being a hermit, but if I engage with people too infrequently, my social skills deteriorate.

Read everything I wrote, please.

Thank you.

Let's just agree to disagree--otherwise, we will get nowhere fast.

My suggestion is if you really dislike a topic, it's okay to back down from discussing it, and leave it to those who enjoy it or find value in it.

I don't dislike the topic.

I dislike the concept of finding invalidation in places where there is none.

I believe that we have to offset the feeling of invalidation which might be put upon us by others--by believing in our OWN validity.

What's wrong with that?

I guess all this might have something to do with the fact that this is the 13th page of the thread.

Baby....Superstition! (Stevie Wonder song).

I just had some chicken teriyaki with fried rice. Very valid meal.