Invalidation

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I think sometimes, but not always. I think we, in general, tend to be less assertive than average, and many of us also speak softly and with abnormal cadence. I get interrupted often.

The hive generally doesn't recognize the importance or accuracy of information. It's more about the aggressiveness (success) of the interactions to efficiently sort identities into status slots.

That's what I think.

That sounds patronizing to me (in context; out of context it could be fine). As an alternative to those invalidating statements, it's just not true. If I was about to say "You're overreacting" and then instead I say, "i would feel the same way...", that's incredibly phoney! This is *my* absolute least favourite kind of conversation. To me this phoney stuff seems much worse because now the person doesn't even care enough about you to really think about your situation - they're mindlessly patting you on the back to make you stop complaining. Personally I'd be offended if someone took THAT a approach with me. But I guess ignorance in bliss is the idea?

How's this in terms of you guys' idea of good responses?
"I don't understand how you're feeling but I want to help you anyway. Is there anything I can do to help?"

More truthful at least.

I would say being ignored is one of the WORST forms of invalidation.

I clicked on a link in this thread and wow. I think lot of us (aspies and NT) are guilty saying those things and I have heard lot of them as well. I remember my ex always dismissed my feelings but his feelings made him act like a controlling a**hole so I also dismissed his by saying things like "Don't worry what they think" "Who cares what they think." I say we were both a dysfunctional couple. I wonder if telling someone they are paranoid would also be dismissing their feelings? I am guilty of that as well.

There are lot of things out there we can say that would feel dismissive such as being told we are exaggerating or that is not how it happened or that is not how things are, stop taking it so personally, you turn everything into a drama, you take things the wrong way or telling someone they are getting too excited.

I have anxiety and my dad would say things to me like "worrying is a waste of time" "Don't get excited" "You're acting crazy" "You're getting upset over nothing" and it never helped. Plus when I was 16 my anxiety got real bad and both my parents getting mad at me didn't help so that eventually made me act worse so I decided one day to try having ODD to have an easier life and it backfired.

I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. That's why the intent has to change, to stop being invalidating...not just the words.



Yes.

Yey, just realised I'm no longer being called a Tufted Titmouse, I'm now labelled as a Pileated woodpecker. lol, what is WP saying?


I've noticed that on here, the ones who are easily invalidated are the ones who are the most foul mouthed and rude! Just find that odd, oh and hypercritical (BTW, not aimed at anyone on this thread.)

I don't find people ignoring me invalidating.
I don't need a lot of attention from others.

People who complain about being invalidated but are hypercritical of others probably have self-esteem issues that have them always in defense or attack mode.

It's understandable that many people in our community will have been conditioned to become hyper-sensitive or hyper-defensive/vigilant due to exposure in such a memetically aggressive environment.
Exposure to and abuse from narcissistic and psychopathic neurotypes can also be a big contributing factor to the conditioning.

We often make easy targets of ourselves, and predatory personality types take advantage of this.
It's also very easy for us to be invalidated because we are in the minority.

I think that was the case with my ex and I have noticed online people who are hyper sensitive to anything have mental issues. Think of Amy and her husband in Kitchen Nightmares.

You are moving up in the hierarchy.
Those that are invalidated often and/or in very abusive ways understandably become more sensitive and defensive.

How would you tell them to stop (without being invalidating), because they are starting to affect me!?

I think it's beneficial to notice invalidating behaviors and comments and understand what they are and the kind of impact they have on people. It's not at all a matter of being "sensitive"...actually, people who are sensitive are more likely to try to be so compassionate or understanding towards the person invalidating them that they don't recognize what is going on.

It's natural for people to become defensive when they are invalidated, because it's a form of psychological attack.

Is it invalidating to use the us and them approach.

i.e. Agree with the offended by classing them the same as you before going on to insult the original invalidators?


@dianthus, is it natural to be offensive and not just defensive in such circumstances, or would that be classed as a melt-down as I've been reading about here recently? Also, do two wrongs make a right? Should we not rise above it?

Some people think it is fine for them to attack others if they have been attacked by others, but I don't think that is a healthy way of dealing with ones issues. Usually, they can't the slightest disagreement or even lack of strong agreement with their views. Another sign of someone who has mental problems is if they accuse lots of people of being narcissists or psychopaths.

I knew someone here who always thought everyone was a psychopath and she would go around attacking others and she always saw insults that were not there and would always think she was being insulted or attacked when she was not and she thought everyone was a manipulator. But how do we handle these people without dismissing their feelings? Are we mentally abusing them and trying to control their thoughts and feelings if we just tell them to get over themselves or grow up or telling them no one is doing this or that to them, etc.?

I hate people like this so all I can do is try and ignore them because I don't know how to communicate with them. They need therapy.

Another sign that someone has mental problems is when they can't read what is written so they falsely accuse you or twist what you say pr put words in your mouth and sometimes they keep on contradicting themselves. They are also very paranoid so they may think you are someone they know. Someone here sent me a PM asking me if I was the person who made a Twitter account about them and no that wasn't me. She even said she wouldn't tell the mods if that was me. They also believe you are bullying them when you are not. She is also no longer here. They will also think you are gas lighting when you are not. I was also asked by a mod to do her a favor and steer clear of this person.

Sadly having autism does not make you immune to not having mental issues so it's always interesting when anyone thinks the person doesn't have it. It's as if they are thinking you can't have mental issues and autism, it can only be one.

I wouldn't call that a meltdown. People having meltdowns usually don't do anything to attack other people, although they might strike out if they are physically interfered with.

Regarding invalidation, or other forms of verbal or psychological attack...some people might be more prone to go on the offensive. It really depends on the circumstances whether it would be natural or not.

I don't think two wrongs make a right, but sometimes I find it really understandable that people attack back in kind when they are attacked.

I've never liked that phrase, "rise above it" because to me it implies something like moral superiority.

I think it's a matter of personal choice how people respond to feeling attacked, invalidated, etc. It's not a matter of absolute right or wrong.

Most of us do the best we can with the resources we have. The page I linked in the OP is a resource. I liked it because it talks about the validity of emotions. People who feel their own emotions aren't valid may attack others as a way of showing how real the emotion is to them.