You Might be an Aspie if...

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When I was a kid, I methodically shredded paper napkins at the table during each meal. Naturally, my parents were none too pleased, and I always got screamed at for wasting paper, making a mess, etc.

Hmm...

Or the record store!! ! (me). Double points if they carry vinyl

Time for some of my "You may be an Aspie if...."

...you end up at your office at 9 p.m, on a Friday, and you don't feel so bad about it.

...you've tried to become the "Party Animal" and failed miserably

...you've ever looked at those pictures of drunk bachelors made fun of and say to yourself "now that's something I can be sure I'll NEVER be through"

...your brain still stores a lot of "useless garbage" such as the encyclopedia info on electric conductors you used to read as a kid.

...you hate crowds.

...you always get the last laugh at jokes. Literally.

...you tend to scratch your head for no apparent reason.

...you'd rather fix the computer yourself than having someone else do it.

... you end up doing Air Guitar in front of your peers who give you weird looks.

...You have to yell for people because they think you talk to quiet when your voice is normal.

...Your the last person to know things like crop circles near your sisters house when your visiting.

...You dont know why anyone would live in New York City.

Last edited by ilikedragons on 01 Mar 2006, 11:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

...If you would be deeply offended if someone fixed your computer for you.

...If you have such a high pain tolerance that you've had a deep cut and tried to convice someone to "just cauterize it" on multiple occasions.

I wouldn't have got that joke either if I wasn't told it was a joke.

"If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

Think of the words literal meanings. The speaker in the joke wants the subject to hold her body against his (assume the speaker is male and straight, and the subject is female and beautiful).

:: watches that joke crumble to dust from the analysis ::

GA

I actually finally got this joke when I heard it on a Monty Python's Flying Cirucs episode when John Clease said it acting as a foreigner not knowing what he was saying. Hearing it all paused and broken up, I finally got the joke!

I've been trying to figure out the joke ever since you first posted it and I still don't get it.

It's a play on words.
I rarely get them... But I'm awesome at making them

GA

Explanation: it is supposed to be a play on words when someone says something with "holding it against me", meaning kinda "don't be mad at me if I say this, but..." etc.

The joke is supposed to be taken literally though to be funny. Someone would be expecting it to be the figure of speech as explained above. But instead, you are asking that a beautiful woman literally holds her body against yours.

I always took it as the figure of speech. Go figure.

AND it's not even funny...

Its only funny in that it's using a figure of speech to convey a literal meaning.
After you realise that, its not funny anymore.

Of course, over analysing it can do that too

GA

Jeffery Dahmer: "If I told you you're a sweet gal, could I have you over for dessert?"

Yahoo!I got this one!!

You might be an aspie if...
...your cousin phones and says:"Could you call your mother and tell her that my wife has just given birth to my son?" and your answer is:"Of course, i will,bye". And then,you realize you had to say something like"congratulations", only when your sisters tell you.

You might be an Aspie if you have this compulsion when you go to a new town to look at all the op-shops in case they have any 45's or LP's with some song on it that you've been looking for for years.

You keep a list of old and obscure songs you are looking for and update the list at least once a month because another one surfaces out of your long-term memory.

You go to the shops in bare feet and daggy old clothes.

You tell a fellow aspie that he has beautiful long eyelashes.

Last edited by Pandora on 16 Jul 2005, 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.