Page 18 of 20 [ 313 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20  Next

rarebit
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 23 May 2015
Posts: 273

05 Jun 2015, 4:28 pm

dianthus wrote:
...
I've never liked that phrase, "rise above it" because to me it implies something like moral superiority.
...



Hmmm, never thought of it like that before, but yes I can see what you mean. I just it more of not having to lower myself to their standards, but please know I'm far from perfect and even enjoy responding but its usually more of a 3 to 1 thing, i.e. they keep attacking and I'll end up responding but I try to keep it civil, so probably more passive aggressive than aggressive.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

05 Jun 2015, 4:33 pm

I don't feel "morally superior" if I feel like I'm able to "rise above" my depression.

I feel like I'm evolving in this instance.

Just because I've "evolved" in this instance does not make me a better, or a more "moral" person.



btbnnyr
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago

05 Jun 2015, 4:46 pm

League_Girl wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
Some people think it is fine for them to attack others if they have been attacked by others, but I don't think that is a healthy way of dealing with ones issues. Usually, they can't the slightest disagreement or even lack of strong agreement with their views. Another sign of someone who has mental problems is if they accuse lots of people of being narcissists or psychopaths.



I knew someone here who always thought everyone was a psychopath and she would go around attacking others and she always saw insults that were not there and would always think she was being insulted or attacked when she was not and she thought everyone was a manipulator. But how do we handle these people without dismissing their feelings? Are we mentally abusing them and trying to control their thoughts and feelings if we just tell them to get over themselves or grow up or telling them no one is doing this or that to them, etc.?

I hate people like this so all I can do is try and ignore them because I don't know how to communicate with them. They need therapy.

Another sign that someone has mental problems is when they can't read what is written so they falsely accuse you or twist what you say pr put words in your mouth and sometimes they keep on contradicting themselves. They are also very paranoid so they may think you are someone they know. Someone here sent me a PM asking me if I was the person who made a Twitter account about them and no that wasn't me. She even said she wouldn't tell the mods if that was me. They also believe you are bullying them when you are not. She is also no longer here. They will also think you are gas lighting when you are not. I was also asked by a mod to do her a favor and steer clear of this person.

Sadly having autism does not make you immune to not having mental issues so it's always interesting when anyone thinks the person doesn't have it. It's as if they are thinking you can't have mental issues and autism, it can only be one.


I don't know how to communicate with such a person.
They seem to live in avoidance of dealing with their own emotional problems and constantly push all things onto others as others' fault, others attacking them, others being mean/nasty/evil, blaming others for their problems, never taking personal responsibilty for anything, etc.


_________________
Drain and plane and grain and blain your brain, and then again,
Propane and butane out of the gas main, your blain shall sustain!


olympiadis
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,849
Location: Fairview Heights Illinois

05 Jun 2015, 4:48 pm

rarebit wrote:
dianthus wrote:
...
I've never liked that phrase, "rise above it" because to me it implies something like moral superiority.
...

Hmmm, never thought of it like that before, but yes I can see what you mean. I just it more of not having to lower myself to their standards,


That's a narcissistic form of invalidation.
This isn't pointing out an objective difference between people. It's positioning one person above another in a social status.
It's narcissistic because it favors yourself above the other person.
It is your identity saying that your moral judgment is superior.



olympiadis
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,849
Location: Fairview Heights Illinois

05 Jun 2015, 4:55 pm

rarebit wrote:
How would you tell them to stop (without being invalidating), because they are starting to affect me!?


You don't tell them to do anything.
I think just communicate with them in the way that you prefer that they communicate with you, as they will likely mimic or mirror the method. Approach them as a true equal.



olympiadis
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,849
Location: Fairview Heights Illinois

05 Jun 2015, 5:17 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
I don't know how to communicate with such a person.
They seem to live in avoidance of dealing with their own emotional problems and constantly push all things onto others as others' fault, others attacking them, others being mean/nasty/evil, blaming others for their problems, never taking personal responsibilty for anything, etc.


Depending on the personality type involved, I think this is a bit like expecting a mirror to be responsible for what you look like. - as in that sort of expectation would not be effective.

I think that people with very weak identities often tend to mirror behaviors from others. That is if you try to take a superior position to them, then they will then do the same thing, ending up frustrating or infuriating you. Escalations are common.

I think this is relevant to this forum because many aspies have weak identities and tend to mimic much more than they reciprocate. Instead of answering a "+" with a "-", they instead answer with another "+".

A "call to action" does not get the desired action, but only results in a "call to action" being directed back at you.

I find it a fascinating situation where very confusing things can happen. For example, a narcissist may become infuriated at their target because their target seems narcissistic.

What I suggest is very easy to test if you suspect a person with a mirroring type of personality, - weak identity.



rarebit
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 23 May 2015
Posts: 273

05 Jun 2015, 5:26 pm

olympiadis wrote:
rarebit wrote:
How would you tell them to stop (without being invalidating), because they are starting to affect me!?


You don't tell them to do anything.
I think just communicate with them in the way that you prefer that they communicate with you, as they will likely mimic or mirror the method. Approach them as a true equal.


I was already dong that...



btbnnyr
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago

05 Jun 2015, 5:34 pm

I haven't found mirroring of my communication style from this kind of person.
Usually, they hate my communication style, possibly mine would be one of the most hated.


_________________
Drain and plane and grain and blain your brain, and then again,
Propane and butane out of the gas main, your blain shall sustain!


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

05 Jun 2015, 5:40 pm

I like people who are straightforward myself.

I'm not very good at discerning subtlety in people.

I tend to "call a spade a spade" a little too much, which has caused misunderstandings.



rarebit
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 23 May 2015
Posts: 273

05 Jun 2015, 5:48 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
I haven't found mirroring of my communication style from this kind of person.
Usually, they hate my communication style, possibly mine would be one of the most hated.


Mine too :D Especially since I started NLP a few years back.



Eloa
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,223

05 Jun 2015, 6:03 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I tend to "call a spade a spade" a little too much, which has caused misunderstandings.

Where I life people say: "a cat is a cat".
And a cat is a cat. :cat:
There is also the expression: to "look the cat out of the tree", but I do not really know what that means, but I saw many times that one of my cats was sitting in the tree in the garden and the other or other cat is looking at it, and then I always have to think about the expression "to look the cat out of the tree", but change it to "the cat looks the cat out of the tree".


_________________
English is not my native language, so I will very likely do mistakes in writing or understanding. My edits are due to corrections of mistakes, which I sometimes recognize just after submitting a text.


Waterfalls
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,075

05 Jun 2015, 6:20 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
I haven't found mirroring of my communication style from this kind of person.
Usually, they hate my communication style, possibly mine would be one of the most hated.

You deprive selfish people of their source of power and they get angry when you don't notice they are being negative/rude etc. at least that's been my experience and I think I'm much more reactive to what people think than you, but still. They get furious and it happens so fast. Is that what you are referring to or something else?



olympiadis
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,849
Location: Fairview Heights Illinois

05 Jun 2015, 7:21 pm

Waterfalls wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
I haven't found mirroring of my communication style from this kind of person.
Usually, they hate my communication style, possibly mine would be one of the most hated.

You deprive selfish people of their source of power and they get angry when you don't notice they are being negative/rude etc. at least that's been my experience and I think I'm much more reactive to what people think than you, but still. They get furious and it happens so fast. Is that what you are referring to or something else?



I wonder that as well. If they were baiting you to get an emotional response, but you don't give one ?

At its core it's essentially what a lot of bullies do, - as in children. It's a means to exercise some control over the other person.

Since many aspies don't play this game correctly, people often get frustrated by us.

I would go further to suggest that many of us do not play this game well, precisely due to conditioning by bullies in childhood. That sort of control and emotional access is mental abuse and a type of violation of self.



btbnnyr
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago

05 Jun 2015, 7:47 pm

I think someone left wp promptly after I didn't completely support their OP and asked several questions for factual information. Also, someone didn't like it when I posted too much about google scholar to research autism in a thread.


_________________
Drain and plane and grain and blain your brain, and then again,
Propane and butane out of the gas main, your blain shall sustain!


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,245
Location: the island of defective toy santas

05 Jun 2015, 7:48 pm

some people are fragile. pray for them.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

05 Jun 2015, 7:51 pm

Yep....A cat is a cat is a cat.

I love cats!