Do you agree with what Wikipedia has to say about empathy?
18 Jun 2009, 8:35 pm
willmark wrote:
I have been exploring this place for a few days, and I was ready to conclude that I have many things in common with many of the folks here, except perhaps not as intensely and eye contact doesn't do me in, and I don't lack empathy. But after reading this thread I see I may have empathy misdefined in my mind. I noticed on that EQ test, the questions were more about responses between people than perceptions of emotions. I've always been able to feel others emotions. I have a theory that people broadcast their emotions as they experience them, and empathic people possess emotion receivers. And like a radio, the received emotion plays in me such that I feel it like it's my own, but it used to confuse me because the emotions I was then feeling would make no sense for me to be feeling them in the current context of my day. I learned that if I looked around me, I usually could find another person in my environment whose current context made sense for them to be feeling that, and most of the time that is in fact the person whose feelings I was coexperiencing. I also often feel when someone is reading my words. If I have learned to recognize the person by the feel of their vibe, I will know who it is as they are contemplating my words.
I possess, or somewhere acquired/developed an ability to tune out some people's emotions and focus on only one person. I expect that might be an INFP talent, those of you who are familiar with MBTI, but it doesn't work in all situations. Like we were given complementary tickets to a Dallas Cowboys game a few years ago, when we attended, I didn't manage to remain in the stadium past the first quarter. Actually I was more fascinated by watching the camera crew work than watching the players, but what did me in was the overwhelm of the noise level of the cheering, and the sheer emotional energy of being in a crowd that large. I can often mentally disconnect from a situation when it is becoming emotionally overstimulating in situations like at movies, or news broadcasts, but that didn't work then.
Now learning how to express a response has taken a lot more time. It is certainly not an innate ability for me. I feel driven to find ways to be of benefit to others, but if intuition doesn't come through for me, I'm kind of lost. I will probably never tell someone when I am feeling their emotions, unless I know the person is also empathic. Instead I will look for ways to show kindness, or find some way to make them feel understood without actually telling them I do. Or I may do nothing other than add the experience to the information that I have accumulated on that person.
I possess, or somewhere acquired/developed an ability to tune out some people's emotions and focus on only one person. I expect that might be an INFP talent, those of you who are familiar with MBTI, but it doesn't work in all situations. Like we were given complementary tickets to a Dallas Cowboys game a few years ago, when we attended, I didn't manage to remain in the stadium past the first quarter. Actually I was more fascinated by watching the camera crew work than watching the players, but what did me in was the overwhelm of the noise level of the cheering, and the sheer emotional energy of being in a crowd that large. I can often mentally disconnect from a situation when it is becoming emotionally overstimulating in situations like at movies, or news broadcasts, but that didn't work then.
Now learning how to express a response has taken a lot more time. It is certainly not an innate ability for me. I feel driven to find ways to be of benefit to others, but if intuition doesn't come through for me, I'm kind of lost. I will probably never tell someone when I am feeling their emotions, unless I know the person is also empathic. Instead I will look for ways to show kindness, or find some way to make them feel understood without actually telling them I do. Or I may do nothing other than add the experience to the information that I have accumulated on that person.
With me, I love football games. I can't stand concerts, especially hippy ones where there's a lot of people on drugs dancing around without a recent shower or use of deodarant. But I think the difference is at a football game, I drink beer. At a concert, I drink Diet Coke.
I don't really notice how well I absorb other people's emotions. When I see someone experiencing strong emotions, if I recognize it, I tend to feel it over again like PTSD...especially with rape, death of loved ones, etc. I also tend to over react to children in pain, like I always felt for kids, but now that I have kids of my own, I can't seem to not put my kids in other kids' shoes. This one is bad for me when my own kids (age 1 and 2) are crying because they did something wrong and was corrected, and instead of me ignoring them like everyone tells me to do, I can't help but to hug them and hold them because I don't see them angry as much as just overwhelmed with emotions wanting their mommy. But, the one thing where I do feel other people's emotions to almost a psychic level because I don't know how I do it or where it comes from, and it happens even when I'm not paying attention is body chemistry. I really wish there was more research on that subject.
