People on the spectrum disliking phones

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I hate talking on the phone because I'm not good with words.
It's as simple as that.

I just don't like social talk with the phone, as I lack social talk; same as in person. I can't do either.

I'm ok with mechanical stuff, like asking for things when calling shops and stuff.

I don't like using phones, and I avoid using them unless I absolutely have to.

I don't mind telephones if they are being used for a very specific purpose and I've even been good at working in an order entry call center before which is pretty scripted. But I hate random calls. I never pick up the telephone, I let it go to voice mail and if it's someone that I really need to talk to I will call them back. Personal phone calls feel overly intrusive to me, like why are you bothering me kinda thing and I can't carry on a "conversation" on the phone even with people that I know well, the only person I can stay on the phone for a long time with is my mother and that's not by choice, she's one of those "talk at you" not "with you" people that's more than happy if I say uhuh and yeah and just keep listening.

I don't hate it but I also won't use the phone unless I need too. I probably will hate it if I ever make a friend who decides to call me for no reason other than to say hi. I don't even know how too respond to that other than hi and then let the other person talk.

I would have to disagree with the OP. My problem with the phone is spectrum related. It is not social anxiety. Its not that I hate the phone, Its that I can not hold a conversation over the phone. I can not hold a real time live conversation at all, the medium is irrelevant.

I have troubles conversing real time, phone or otherwise. I need to be able to stop,think, back space, delete, etc.. Even with that, this post probably took me a good 10 minutes. That would make pretty horrible live conversation when it takes you ten minutes to get 2 sentences out.

I didn't really speak until 2nd grade. And still to this day it takes awhile for the words to form and get to my mouth. So it is spectrum related and it does effect my phone usage.

Last edited by Francis on 25 May 2010, 10:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Once upon a time, I was a switchboard operator, and I actually enjoyed that job because it was very systematized. I had had very specific instructions on how to handle each call that I received. I would get compliments on the way my voice sounded on the intercom..I was extremely formal with everyone and fielded each call s best as I could.

Now i CAN'T STAND IT. I angrily hang up on my business partner on a regular basis...(I have my reasons)..
When people call, I can be very impatient with them if I answer the phone at all...Especially telemarketers and people who sound very ignorant and/or can't be bothered with using proper annunciation(without the excuse of having English as a second language or an obvious speech impediment)...I am also repelled by wise cracks and such....I can be helpful and attentive to a few people, but in general I have become a "bad phone person"

Phone conversations
disrupt my routine and train of thought
stress me out
cause meltdowns if the interaction is particularly bad

and so on...

I feel that way too.

I hate talking on the phone, unless it's with someone I know very well. I guess the OP would say it's social anxiety, but for myself I'm not sure how to separate what is social anxiety and what is AS, which for me is mainly a social dysfunction.

Being on the phone makes me feel on the spot, because you have to respond to what the other person is saying. At least in person you have other ways of letting the other person know you're listening, even if you don't know what to say, and it's easier to change the subject by using some cue like standing up and looking around or whatever. But on the phone it's very immediate, the back and forth is instant.

It's worse if it's a social conversation, but even practical conversations like making an appointment are difficult if the other person says something unexpected. I find myself making appointments for times I know I won't be able to make it, because it's too awkward to say no and then have to come up with a different time, and figure it all out immediately. Then I have to call back to change the appointment.

I also worry about not understanding the other person, and I have found that most of the time, both in person and on the phone, when you ask someone to repeat what they've said, they won't do it!

I never answer the phone, I just let the machine get it, and if it's someone I want to talk to, I'll pick up.

I have an auditory processing delay... it's more noticeable when I"m tired of stressed out. It makes it really hard to talk on the phone and understand what the other person is saying. It also makes regular conversations harder than they might be.

I like talking on the phone as well.

For people who like talking on the phone, what do you like about it?

I just think it's the most accessible, most direct way of talking to someone when you cannot meet them face to face. Skype is more direct, yes, but it can be a pain in the a** to set up.

This. I've always had issues with talking on the phone throughout my life.

The anxiety in not knowing what the other person was going to say next, or that I would say something stupid, was so overwhelming that making calls and answering the phone became horrifying to me.

When I was 13-14, my teacher at the time helped me get used to the phone somewhat by dialing the main office every day to report student absences. It helped a bit, but my real difficulty was with the unpredictability of social conversations: worrying about what the other person was going to say, and worrying that I wouldn't have any time to process it. The fact that it was instant, in real time, and demanded my attention made me even more wound up...and would explain why I have a similar sort of anxiety with MSN and other chat applications.

Even today, I'm still uneasy with the phone. When people call me at home and I'm not in a social mood, I will take a few minutes to get into that mood and then call them back when I'm ready. I even do this to people who are close to me...even my mom and my boyfriend....but they understand where I come from at least.

I think its an attention problem for me. I am so distractable that when I am on the phone I will be doing several other things at the same time, not listening. Also, phone calls are usually not scheduled like visiting is and I don't like my routine interrupted. Lots of times I just won't answer.

I mainly use the phone to make in-person plans: Hi, want to come over on Tuesday at 5? Great. See you then! lol I am sure it bugs my friends but bet they are used to it by now.

Phone conversations don't feel natural to me. You have to keep quickly filling the vacuum to avoid akward silences. That's alot of pressure on someone that isn't talkative and already has trouble with social type stuff. I can only stand 10 to 15 minutes of that kind of talking with imediate family. Everyone else gets much less than that.

I agree with these three points. I wear gloves anyway when I hold the phone because I'm aversive to plastic. Usually, it's the other person talking, though, and not me. If they ask me something and I don't know how to verbally answer, I might hesitate until they say something else that would keep the conversation going.

I also don't have very coherent speech, and stutter a lot. The people I talk to, though, don't have a problem with that as they know where I'm coming from. But despite my speech problems, I really like the act of conveying my thoughts through words. It's a challenge, but it feels like an exercise to me. I like hearing my own voice.

Also, another thing I like about the phone is that I can stim like crazy or do wild hand gestures to help me understand the form of my thoughts. I rely on gestures to make my speech more fluent, and when I talk to people in person, I have to subdue my gestures. Stimming is helpful, too.

Last edited by MathGirl on 26 May 2010, 11:41 am, edited 1 time in total.