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dyingofpoetry
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16 Mar 2011, 12:46 am

MichaelDWhite wrote:
I went to my first AS support group meeting two years ago and my first thought was "I am nothing like these people". I sat down next to the most "normal" looking person I could find and it turned out we had a lot in common. I've met with this group every month since then and I've come to find that although there are superficial differences, on the whole I fit in better with this group than any other social group I've been a part of. I realize now that I can't judge people on how they appear in public because I really don't know how I appear to the world my self.


That's something else to consider also. Even though I think "I'm nothing like these people," it's quite possible that we have more in common than we first realize. I mean, part of Asperger's is that we normally don't have a good perspective on how others see us. I feel so NT around them, but maybe to them I am just as dorky... or worse.


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anbuend
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16 Mar 2011, 11:27 am

dyingofpoetry wrote:
MichaelDWhite wrote:
I went to my first AS support group meeting two years ago and my first thought was "I am nothing like these people". I sat down next to the most "normal" looking person I could find and it turned out we had a lot in common. I've met with this group every month since then and I've come to find that although there are superficial differences, on the whole I fit in better with this group than any other social group I've been a part of. I realize now that I can't judge people on how they appear in public because I really don't know how I appear to the world my self.


That's something else to consider also. Even though I think "I'm nothing like these people," it's quite possible that we have more in common than we first realize. I mean, part of Asperger's is that we normally don't have a good perspective on how others see us. I feel so NT around them, but maybe to them I am just as dorky... or worse.


Oh completely. I used to think I looked totally normal. A whole lot of people spent several years disabusing me of that idea before I really "got" how different I looked. Which is apparently very.

Like... one time I was asking (this was back when I could speak part of the time, not necessarily communicative but superficially looking so) someone "Why is it that when Jo suddenly went from speaking to being unable to speak, Pam freaked out about that, but then she wasn't freaked out when the same thing happened to me?"

And the person said "Nobody expected you to be high-functioning, that's why. But they do expect it of Jo."

It took me years to un-baffle myself about that comment and many more to the same effect. I just had no idea how weird I looked to others. I had to reach a certain level of understanding, before I could see it. Videotaping myself helped a lot too.


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anbuend
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16 Mar 2011, 12:14 pm

Verdandi wrote:
anbuend wrote:
I've found that what I have in common with another autistic person has nothing at all to do with how well they pass for NT. There's such a thing as judging people on appearances and losing track of similarities because of the most visible differences. I would have missed out on a lot if I only looked for people like me among people who didn't pass for NT at all That's simply not my main attribute of autism, it's an appearance, nothing more.


Given that it was your blog that convinced me of the possibility I was autistic in the first place, yeah. Superficial similarities strike me as meaningless.

I've seen a lot of people here on this forum compare notes and discuss substantial similarities in how they process things or experience social situations - people have described events from their lives that I could have duplicated nearly word for word. And yet the superficial presentation runs the gamut despite these more relevant similarities.


Yeah I've seen that too.

Sometimes I wonder, when I see people on here who are so similar to each other in terms of inward experiences, what they would think of each other if they met in person. Like, would they think that one of them was too weird looking or too normal looking to possibly have anything in common with them.

I know that someone I know was actually told not to come to a GRASP support group because he "looked too low functioning"...


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Verdandi
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16 Mar 2011, 1:18 pm

anbuend wrote:
Yeah I've seen that too.

Sometimes I wonder, when I see people on here who are so similar to each other in terms of inward experiences, what they would think of each other if they met in person. Like, would they think that one of them was too weird looking or too normal looking to possibly have anything in common with them.

I know that someone I know was actually told not to come to a GRASP support group because he "looked too low functioning"...


I have a lot of reactions to what you said about that person being asked to not come to a support group but they're not becoming words. I am not shocked or surprised because I know people can be really awful. That's just really horrible.

I had thought about it when the support group scene from Today's Man was posted, and I recall one parent suggesting they all had to be actors because they didn't look as "normal" as her AS son. And I think people discussed the same thing in that thread as this one - about reactions. I have only been around a handful of people I knew for sure were on the spectrum (two children, one teen - while I was a teen, and two adults) and I found it pretty easy to be around all of them, for different reasons, even if they can be annoying. I realize I can be annoying, so I try to give some leeway.

Which isn't to say I don't have limits beyond which I'd just be too annoyed, just with the people I know or have known, they didn't annoy me that much.



aspie98502
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04 Apr 2011, 8:23 pm

auntblabby wrote:
i went to my first one, in olympia [state capitol] a few weeks back. the organizer and i were the only ones who bothered to show. it was interesting. i believe the organizer was a more effective human being than me. he did most of the conversing, and i did most of the listening, which is the normal situation with me. i'm a much better listener than a talker. and if he is reading this now, i want him to know that he is a good guy, and that i am thankful to him for setting the meeting up in a place that was easy for me to attend.


Hey, I was only glad to chat with you, auntblabby!

We're so harsh on ourselves we forget that we're all... well, a bit odd. Sooner or later, we will all have to realize that "Gosh, I'm this way, and I'm lovable. Special. Unusual. Surviving. etc."

Oh yes, I just said that as I crawl back into my cave. Haha, I kid. Somewhat.

*logic fail* Oopsie doo. :D :lol: :roll:

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another_1
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04 Apr 2011, 10:31 pm

I would like to attend a support group meeting at some point. Unfortunately, there is no support group here - I checked. According to the SC Autism Society, there used to be one - but it died because no one showed up for meetings. And no, I'm not making a smart alec remark - that's what they told me!

How very ironic. For once in my life, I'm interested in meeting a group of new people, but there's no such group for me to meet. :wall:



Sunny55
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11 Feb 2013, 6:34 am

I once went to an Aspergers support group and liked it. It was the first time in my life where I was in a social situation where there was no pressure at all to make small talk or to try to be interesting and entertaining, or to feel pressurised to 'sell' myself. I was free to be me. It was like having a huge burden lifted off me.