Ways Girls May Mask ASD

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@lilgator, no you don't sound like an idiot. Just over this past year, I was depressed for the same reason-- no friends. I have a major relationship in my life that has been going well, and aside from that, I'm having trouble actually making friends.

I'm really upset about this new DSM criteria, too. It feels like a giant step backwards, after all the work done in recent years to educate the public about our difficulties and for us to get help.

I hope people spread the word about the petition, because I'd like to get enough sigs to send it off to the APA before they actually start their "field trials" with it, which might be soon.

I think this is bullshet, the criteria is fine as it is proposed. I mostly say this as someone who can relate to very little of the points on the blog.

I concur with the second point. I think the bigger issue among the Asperger's community is the merging of AS and autism. I don't see a problem in the criteria itself for the new autistic disorder. "Lack of social reciprocity" was mentioned in my diagnostic report, and I don't consider myself as being badly socially adapted. I just socialize differently, that's all.

I am so sick of reading this stupid misconception.
For a start, guys are put off by social awkwardness too. Also, if you appear different and possibly vulnerable, you attract predatory types.
Besides that, there are more possible difficulties in life than "OMG noone will date me".

Still.... For a guy it's near impossible to find a woman who'll see you as more as a friend (even friendship with a woman is very hard to find) if you don't know how to flirt and you have the tendency to say the wrong things at the wrong time. If you're willing to date the more geeky men out there, as a woman it should be quite easy to find a decent man who'll love you and not abuse you.

While it is true that insecure and "different" women tend to attract the wrong men, insecure and "different" men without flirting skills don't attract any women at all. As a woman you can at least ignore the predators out there and seek for those nice geeky guys out there who are afraid to approach you

I always tried to incorporate my weirdness into my sense of humor. Some people thought I was just crazy but others really liked me and I made friends this way, this is after I got on Ritalin, before that I really wasn't able to socialize much. I had a few friends but I didn't know how to keep them, and I was way too quiet to make any new ones.

I'm still kind of awkward but I can socialize without medication or drugs and alcohol(which unfortunately consumed me for most of my high school years, but I was popular. Heh.) but it just doesn't feel right. People can tell that I'm not great with small talk, I like having deep conversations with people but it's hard for me to just "hang out" now. I still use my sense of humor because if I didn't I just wouldn't talk, at all, but sometimes it gets outrageous before I realize it or seems to dark/snarky/sarcastic.

OMG....just about everything in that chart applies...wow...

~Kate

It reminds me a lot of an ex-girlfriend of mine, although I never saw her as an Aspie... I guess female Aspies are just too different from make Aspies for me to recognise them.

To all you female Aspies out there : what would you consider the most typical traits of female Aspies?!?

Great blog post whitetiger!

One of the things that you have going for you has a great deal to do with your ability to imitate what you see and percieve. My husband and I sent our son to an experimental autism program, and the hallmark of their project was to teach the kids to imitate. That has benefitted him a great deal.

The other part of this does have to do with being female. Women process and use language differently from men. Traditionally we are the teachers - when we have children they learn language through us.

I wouldn't be surprised if the percentage of men and women with autism wasn't more even. I just think we're being under-diagnosed because we're a little better at masking our issues.

ASD girls have it easy.
I am so sick of reading this stupid misconception.
+1

As a woman you can at least ignore the predators out there

Predatory people rarely make it obvious, that would be self-defeating.
And, unfortunately, a woman who appears oblivious to their 'charm' appears to be a challenge to some men.

and seek for those nice geeky guys out there who are afraid to approach you

When you get hit on, just because of your outward appearance, by all sorts of guys who don't appeal because they really don't want conversation, and totally ignored by the nice geeky guys who you'd like to know better - you don't think "They're afraid to approach me.", you think "They just aren't interested. I only appeal to jerks. Nobody that I would like ever looks twice at me. "

And besides, on the rare occasion someone caught my attention, I was no more capable of interacting than any of you guys. If I liked someone, I could barely go near them or even look at them, never mind talk.
I thought they always acted so distant because all the ladies thought their geeky bones were as appealing as I did, so they didn't need to be interested in me. Go figure!

And I never, ever, realised exactly how distant towards other people I could be, so I do know that it works both ways.

Yes, if you're a passably attractive female it's not uncommon to get hit on for s*x, especially if you come across as a bit naive. It used to upset me, because I didn't understand why people were so crude and blatant. Now I think maybe 90% of men hope they are absolutely irresistable, regardless of their looks, age, status, etc. Perhaps, from their point of view, they are only increasing the chances of someone saying 'yes'.

But No, it's not any easier to figure out how to meet someone who would like to know 'you' as a person. If it happens, it's just sheer accident.
(But it does happen sometimes, and it's good when it does. )

Women with autism probably end up attracting jerks, predators, freaks, and horrible weirdos because they are the only guys who broadcast their interest openly enough for us to register it. They may well put many 'normal' women off, but we don't know that. So of course they hone in on someone who doesn't send 'keep away, creep' body language signals. Which means that we end up doubting or even hating our own attractiveness (especially when we never thought we were in the first place).

I have to say that, looking back with the hindsight of knowing about AS, I think there were a number of perfectly nice NT guys who were interested, but their normal signals were too subtle for me to ever realise, and since they didn't get back whatever non-verbal cues they needed, they were too nice (NOTE not "nice" - that really is something else) to push things.

And I also discovered at times that there had been some very favourable geeky interest, but 'bad timing' doesn't even begin to describe the sad irony of a couple of 'kick myself for missing out on that' mutual attractions that never got anywhere because both parties thought the other couldn't possibly be interested.

Message to you guys: if you like who a girl is, then tell her.
Don't make a big deal of it, just tell her that she's the kind of person you'd hope to find, or something like that. Make it a compliment, not a come-on, don't expect an outcome. If she likes you, then after she's had enough time to let the idea actually register, she might work up the nerve to return the compliment.

Genuinely nice girls tend to assume that guys they like are NOT interested, but most have learnt that many guys will try to take advantage of a girl's interest, and so will try hard not to let on. This is probably true for lots of guys too.

It kind of explains why there is body language, so that you don't have to say things which make you vulnerable, but once you know body language isn't working for you, then it becomes necessary to find others ways to get your message across.


I'm female, aspie, middle-aged (well, not ancient yet), and I had lots of attention from guys when younger, and still get some now, but it didn't make relationships any easier to find, it just made it harder, because being leered at when you're just going about day-to-day life makes you not want to go out at all.

Unwanted attention appears to be due to 'sending the wrong signals', but what they are is a complete mystery.

All I know is that my (almost certainly aspie) dad put a lot of effort and patience into teaching me things, such as how to smile (although not when), understand humour, and express my views forthrightly ( ) because he said life would be hard for me otherwise. So he masked ASD for me, by teaching me what he had learnt, but in some ways it makes me even more 'not-NT'.
It is very difficult to get across to people how much you are struggling, when your mask is smiling, but assertive!

Sorry, this ended up very long, and probably garbled.

Thanks to all who have signed the petition. We're up to 49!

Keep in mind that although the criteria change may not apply to you, it does apply to many others we can help

Petition-DSMV Unfair to Girls

Very interesting, and the chart too...I can see shades of that in myself, though not to the same degree that those of you who actually have AS do. Definitely borderline, as pretty much everything I've researched into suggests.

I DO find myself wondering if maybe I missed a PDD-NOS diagnosis, or mild AS diagnosis due to the differences between males and females. But, I truly think it would take a professional to determine that and I am not comfortable making that delineation myself. (And I find myself wondering if the coping skills I've developed over time would muddy the waters to the point where it might never be knowable.)

I CAN say for sure that often ADHD manifests differently in girls and that was something that was starting to become known when I was little. So it seems only fair to me that differences should be recognized in AS as well. I'll sign your petition.

I too have to say that chart describes me very well, except for the overemotional aspect. I am not AS (my daughter and my brother are). I think my concern for widening the diagnostic threshold would be that people like myself would be dx AS. The difference in my humble opinion is that people with AS have these characteristics to a degree that SERIOUSLY disrupts many aspects of their life. While I may be different than most, I am able to adapt and cope to a great degree. I am not socially adept and am passionate about ideas (not people) but I accept that's just the way I am. That blog describes my issues and childhood but I am able to function quite well in society and that's the big difference in the dx criteria, as it should be.

As I am coming to understand it, there is still another level "lesser" of a diagnosis than AS. But does anyone know how the new DSM is going to affect that diagnosis?

I haven't been paying attention to the issue of the proposed changes in the DSM V but now that I've looked at them I find them quite alarming. The definition is greatly narrowed and seems to almost exclude AS as an autism spectrum diagnosis except in the most stereotypical cases, which is absurd because Aspies are so different from one another (though there is still an open question on how to define severity).

I was diagnosed on the spectrum but not quite AS. I don't fit any of the criteria of the proposed changes, but the older DSM IV criteria for AS fit me fairly well, though not entirely.

Edited to add: I have significant difficulties socially and don't know how to make friends or understand other people, who I have the tendency to anger with my obtuseness, and this has had a major impact on my life. I also have an obsessive interest, skin sensitivity that is bad enough to cause me distress, sensitivity to loud noises and bright lights and , inflexibility, can't do eye contact, and I am prone to frequent meltdowns. But I don't have AS nor am I on the spectrum at all according to the new DSM criteria?

DSM IV (Asperger's Disorder):
http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevisions/P ... px?rid=97# (click on the tab that says DSM IV)

Proposed changes in DSM V (Autism Spectrum Disorder):
http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevisions/P ... px?rid=94#

Last edited by bee33 on 22 Jun 2010, 9:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Is your daughter an adult? She may eventually function as well in society. My mother had all the traits of Asperger's and she was well functioning in society but a total mess at home. I'm on disability and have problems in many areas of functioning, but I'm also facing my problem head-on instead of denying it and trying to over-compensate as she did.

If "functioning" were the criteria, I'd say that is acceptable... rather than some undefined "lack of social reciprocity."