Was I a Jerk for Saying This or Justified?

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And yet any time half of you commit some massive social faux paux or say something unintentionally offensive and the person hates you for it you come running here to complain about how no one understand you, that you should be forgiven because you didn't mean it how the person took it and you have AS, and how hard the world is for people with AS because no matter how much you try to do the right thing, it's never the right thing. And then how much you hate your lives and want to die.

Treat others how you would like to be treated.

I hope my comment didn't offend you, Chronos. Personally, I don't do any of the things you mentioned, but I understand what you mean.

What I was actually trying to say is that:

1 A 24 year old women giving unsolicited dating advice to a 40 year old man she barely knows will put herself in a ridiculous position regardless of her intentions.

2 People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones - ergo, someone with such an erratic love life is in no position to give dating advice to anyone and would have more to gain by concentrating on their own issues.

3 It's nobody's business to tell others how they should live their lives.

The main problem here is that she persisted in doing something inappropriate despite the OP not responding to her and his brother telling her to leave him alone. If she stopped when asked, the OP's outburst wouldn't have occurred.

Um.


Yeah.


From the sounds of it, miss 3daddy was indeed looking for a new man in heer life.
And your brother's wife was likely aware of this intention.
And the laughing people probably saw exactly that 3daddy was desperate (they laughed at her)
And your brother was being shushed by his girlfriend & forced to let 3daddy try to get you.

You wont be sure how to proceed from here until you ask your brother how HE felt by your outburst. He'll probably tell you "good job". The onlly appologies that might need to happen are:

If you embarassed your brother, appologize to him.
If this WAS a setup, your brother's girlfriend should appologize to you and to your brother (but don't expect it).

Don't appologize to 3daddy. It sounds like she needed someone to teach her that not all single men want or need <a> her body <b> her advice. You did her a service that if she's at all intelligent, she will learn to better manage HER social skills in the future.

you should have said thanks I'm all on that, hope it gets me a baby

When I do something socially unacceptable I try to learn from that experience and avoid repeating it if possible, I cant speak for others.

This time the other person was the one doing something unacceptable, she kept talking to him even though he mentioned she wasnt welcome.
I did that as a child many times and people used to avoid talking to me unless they needed something and I was the only one who could provide it. The thing that made me realize that what I was doing was wrong was when a girl started complaining about it and saying things that were "over the top "whenever I tried to talk to her. I asked one of her friends what was I doing wrong and she enlightened me. I can assure you that thanks to this girl saying things that were "over the top" I now know what am I doing wrong and stop trying to talk to people when they dont want to talk as soon as I realize this.

So I treated the girl the op mentioned as I´d like to be treated.

My theory is this:
She was following you around all day because she's a trollop and she wanted to sleep with you. When you didn't flirt with her, she assumed you were rejecting her (though you were actually unaware of her advances). Feeling humiliated by your supposed rejection, she decided to retaliate by telling you, in so many words, that you're a fool who doesn't know a good thing when he sees one (herself being the supposed good thing).
Now, if you HAD been rejecting her advances, then what you said would have been cruel (kicking her when she's down), although some sort of lesser snide remark may have been necessary just to shut her up.
Since you WEREN'T rejecting her (which is not to say that you wouldn't if you had been aware of the situation) what you said was, in my opinion, a fair response to being ridiculed by a stranger you had not (knowingly) provoked.

Basically, it was a big f'ed up misunderstanding, like most Aspie social interactions! Shrug your shoulders and move on to the next mess

She was interfereing and inappropriate. Your reply was also inappropriate according the the etiquette of the world, because you made it into a personal attack and used 'taboo' words, rather than simply telling her that you hadn't asked for her advice and weren't interested in it. It will not be in your best interest to speak to people like that - you will push people's buttons and make them resentful and they may try to hurt you. And we as Aspies don't have all the survival instincts to deal with people trying to hurt us. So it wasn't a wise thing to say, despite the fact that logically it made sense.

Trust me my brother laughed his ass off from this. Also she was not flirting with me that was so clear an aspie could see it.

If your brother laughed, then 3daddy had it coming and you're fine.

Justified IMO, especially if she kept going on after she told to shut up.

haha, OWNED

Exactly! If I ever try to explain that to people they don't get it (Peers don't anyway, adults sometimes do)

I also think she was being a jerk and pretty much asked for it. Personally I probably would have reacted a little differently than you, OP, but I don't really think you were in the wrong.

Hmm, justified, but kindda harsh...

As I see it it should prevent her opening her trap to you in future.

If she does this to people often to feel cool in front of others, I think you put her in her place - where she belongs. You don't go upto randoms and do that. Even aspies know that.

I wouldn't worry about feeling bad. Just mark it as a learning experience and move on. If she doesn't like you because of it - forget about it. You could have said a lot worse.

You could have said she was "a whore who can't provide her kids a proper upbringing, a loud mouth who is an embarrassment to her friends and family, gives cociety a bad name and is a stereotypical loser" but you didn't, you just stated your opinion on the matter, which, lets face it, she was asking for.

You didn't offend me.

I would have to disagree with statement #2 though. I think she might be well qualified to give advice even though she herself has relationship problems because people can gain insight on a situation both by observation and failure.

And frequently, that which is causing a person to fail at a particular aspect of life, isn't their lack of insight on the situation. This woman might know well enough how to get into a relationship, but perhaps she has some emotional problem preventing her from maintaining the relationship.

I used to get a lot of flack from my family when I tried to give insight into an issue because I had never "played the game" so to speak. But they forget that when you spend your life on the sidelines, you can observe a lot and get a bigger perspective, and true to the ways of a woman with AS, I'm a very good observer and good reasoner, and my family eventually realized I might be someone worth listening to even if I haven't been in the situation myself. I'm much like an anthropologist.

But I don't think someone needs to have AS to be able to offer useful advice on a situation they themselves have not been in or have failed in.

I fully agree with this, but you would still expose yourself to criticism from those who don't know you well - in front of strangers, our actions will be more representative than our words. Although, strictly from the way the OP told the story the woman in question didn't exactly seem to be like that. My biggest issue with this incident was her insistence - I admit I'm very private and dislike nosy people and those who can't take no for an answer. Judging from what you post here, I have a hard time imagining you pestering a stranger with unwanted advice.