I just saw a TV ad that offened me.

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I agree 100 percent. This ad bothers me for the same reason. I can't understand how people justify lying supposedly to protect someone's feelings, when the lie is even more hurtful. Like telling someone you would love to hang out with her but can't, and then hanging up the phone and complaining to all your other friends about what a loser this person is and why won't they leave you alone? That person is not being protected by being lied to.. they will feel 100 times worse if they find out that you are not a true friend and you actually hate them but you were lying, than if you were just honest with them and said look, I don't really want to hang out with you.

I think people do this with the assumption that the other person will KNOW they are lying "to be polite" and get the picture anyway. No matter how much I ask people to please just be honest with me becuase I don't figure out these "hints", they won't do it because they think it's too harsh. And they expect me to do the same thing, and when I don't lie and I just say bluntly what I think they get mad .

Read the "Policy of Truth" lyrics, by Depeche Mode.... the story of my life

The problem is this... if every person in our society went around telling others precisely how they feel about them, how long would it take before our society would degenerate into an absolute anarchy of fistfights, shooting, etc?

I'd peg it at a few hours, tops. Nobody likes hearing an uncomfortable truth... particularly when the uncomfortable truth is about themselves personally.... and self-control has ever been in short supply in the heart of mankind.

Well, one wouldn't have to be unpleasant about telling the truth, or go around spewing personal criticisms unasked... just not mislead people and lie. Or at least give an honest answer when asked. People lie all too easily about anything and everything, with the only justification being to avoid dealing with the real issue at hand, and the result being mistrust and more hard feelings than if they'd respected the person enough to be honest. I'd like it if people were truthful about good things too, frankly, not just the unpleasant ones. I don't think the current fights, shootings, and anarchy of our society are built upon honesty.

Yes, but think of how often the honest truth would do little but provoke a fight.

For example, consider a high maintenance bimbo who is whining because she can't seem to get more than an endless series one night stands with different guys. Suppose she were to ask me why.

If I responded to that by truthfully stating what I was thinking, my response would be something along the lines of this... "Well, if you'd stop dressing and acting like a cheap whore, maybe you wouldn't get treated like one? At least a whore would have the sense to charge."

This sort of response, although 100% honest, would almost certainly be the immediate prelude to a fight. I'm certain you can think of other situations which would be equally as bad.

Now picture an entire society doing that, all at once....

Well, but honesty doesn't have to be that mean. You could still be truthful and be more gentle (though goodness knows I'm usually accused of being way too blunt), and tell her that the way she is dressing and presenting herself might be attracting guys who aren't looking for something serious. If it were my friend, I would feel obligated to communicate something to that effect. She might be somewhat offended at first, but it might help in the long run if she didn't know that was the reason.

And people get upset about lies too, not just honesty. Moreso, I think. It just seems it would be easier to navigate and get along if everybody just dropped the facades and pretenses and expecting other people to lie (so they don't beleive you when you tell the truth anyway). Not so many games to try to figure out what people really mean and what is bothering them.

I guess part of the reason it really bugs me that other people expect me to figure out things like this (not this particular example, but various other social misrepresentations of myself, or what I did wrong, etc.), and they DON'T just tell me. When I (rarely) run into people who do, and listen to them, it helps me understand a situation that I was otherwise totally clueless about. I'd rather have the blunt honesty that might help than someone feeding me what they expect that I want to hear, assuming that I already know the answer and will get mad at them. I've had a lot of people tell me that they didn't tell me something before because they thought I would be offended. I don't know why. I rarely get offended... I guess they just think I do.

Unfortunately, with many people a "more gentle" honesty either goes right over their heads, or if it is understood either is ignored because they'd sooner whine than do something productive, or results in a fight anyway.

Instead of a very pointed remark and an immediate fight, it would go like this...

"Well, you know how appearance is important in the whole dating and mating game, yeah? Maybe if you changed how you present yourself, you'd attract the sort of guy you want."

What are the potential outcomes?

1) She's too stupid to see the darker implication of what you just said, and so therefore continues to whine. When you start suggesting that she might dress more modestly and behave with more decorum, she says that no guy would be attracted to her that way... and ignores all the cases in which non-slutty women get guys. (Deep down, she considers herself so boring that she believes her body is all a guy could find interesting about her... and the saddest thing is that this assessment is usually correct.)

2) She sees the implication, and says something like, "I dress like a slut, is that it?"

Now, if #2 occurs, you can either be truthful (and the same fight ensues as if you been blunt at the outset), or you can lie and she'll go back to just whining as in #1.

Well, it's true that some people are going to whine no matter what, but if you care about helping them, I'd still try to gently explain further until she gets it. Of course, if I don't care about the person, I might just not offer my opinion in the first place, rather than lying about it. But if they ask, they're going to get what they asked for

I dunno I think its a culture thing.. if it was commonplace to get an honest answer I dont think people would be so easily offended by it.

Its so rare these days when someone asks me a question expecting a lie and I answer truthfully they are usually too stunned to know what to say if they can say anything.

Ive never had it turn into a fight they're too busy trying to decide if your trying to start a fight or doing them a favor and by the time they come to a conclusion and decide your trying to start something the opportunity to make a big deal about it is usually long past.

I'm pretty sure lying to protect someones feelings would annoy just about anybody, yet people in general do it to eachother all the time. But I don't see that as any reason to be offended by the ad.

I agree... most people not only tell lies they EXPECT other people to lie to them too, so they're shocked if you don't. I really don't end up fighting with people because of my response... at least not what I would consider fighting. Of course, some consider any conversation where two people express different opinions to be a fight (and therefore, to be avoided with lies). If it's somebody I don't care about or don't like and they become unpleasant, I'll just try to end the conversation: there's always the option to say nothing.

Many people I've talked to about this phenomenon seem more concerned with what other people might think of their answer than about giving a real, honest answer. If I give an example, they say things like, "Oh, I could never say that to somebody, even if I hated them" (like, telling an obnoxious person to leave you alone if they are bothering you). Maybe I just don't care about most people that much? But, for the ones I DO care about, I would think it's demonstrated in part by being honest with them. How can you lie to somebody you really care about? I mean, I physically can't do it sometimes and it's really difficult when I know they want me to, or they won't believe me anyway because they expect a person to lie in that situation.