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Joe90
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14 Sep 2011, 5:53 am

OK, I won't go out of my house any more.

Body language this, body language that, there is no such thing as giving off a certain body language unless you're specifically doing something to look vulnerable, because everybody's different. I don't see why people seem to think that every single person in a street reacts to every single thing exactly the same time in exactly the same way. In the street everybody does completely different things and everybody is different to everybody else. They're not all marching along in perfect rhythm like an army of soldiers. They're walking at different paces, doing different things, going different directions.

Take a look at this vid. There is a man attacking random people, but the people aren't Aspies.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_y_KwGF ... re=related


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kx250rider
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14 Sep 2011, 11:05 am

This is a TOUGH one for many of us, I guess; certainly for me. It depends on whom I'm approaching somewhat. If it's a 90-year-old lady, that's easy... A quick smile or a nod, and they smile back. No problem. But when it's a person my age, it's awkward because it feels like they're glancing at me to figure me out, or as if they're questioning my right to be there or something. I can't accurately describe it, I guess. If it's someone one younger, that's worse. Again, I have no idea why, but it just feels that way. And people DO stare at me and turn around after passing, and that's sometimes a compliment, or sometimes threatening. I'm a bodybuilder, and if I'm wearing a shirt that shows my arms, I get stared at by about everybody. Other men who are also bodybuilders glance, and then turn around and stare after I pass. It's weird. And if that's not enough to make people stare, I have huge feet (size 15E in US size), and people constantly stare at my feet after staring at me as I pass.

Anyway, all that attention is sometimes disturbing for me, but I know that I cause some of it by being a bodybuilder, I guess...

I really would like to figure out what is a comfortable way to act (for me and for the passing party), as I will sometimes lurk off to the side pretending to ogle merchandise in a window, or to pull out my phone and pretend to read a text, or something, until the other person has passed by and I won't have to face them up. I could be wrong, but I can't imagine any NT doing any of these things!

Charles



tcorrielus
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15 Sep 2011, 9:24 am

When walking past people, you just confidently look at the direction that you're walking along and avoid looking at the people around you. You want to show strangers that you're doing your own business and that you don't care about them at all. If a stranger does stop you and asks you random questions, just say "I'm in a hurry, I'm very busy". If they ask you for $$$$ or cellphones, simply say NO. Do not show anyone that you're nervous or anxious when walking in the streets alone, because this might get strangers' attention and cause them to ask you uncomfortable questions.



TrzkT
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20 Sep 2011, 8:22 pm

I have this problem a lot, but sometimes I get by it with self distraction, or the look-confidently-ahead method lol.
I love listening to music when I walk, so the mp3 player is a useful tool to avoid looking at them, or to time the look and possible hello right so that it doesn't feel so damned weird... Its mostly the approach of oncoming people that bothers me, because I'm so very very aware of them, and I don't know where to look while the gap is closing.

So I don't usually look at them or say hello, but the point is, I distract myself in order to be less bothered by it, and if I notice them look at me in my peripheral vision, its my prerogative, to look back or say hello, sometimes it feels good if I have the courage to do it. I just try not to worry about it.

For me its much worse when someone is directly in front of me, or behind me, going the same direction, I can't get around how much THAT bothers me.



eric76
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19 Jan 2015, 2:10 pm

I say "Howdy" to everyone I meet on the street.

One day a few years ago, I was walking across Rice University in Houston and noticed that approximately 1/3 of the people ignored me when I said "Howdy", another 1/3 or so smiled but said nothing, and the rest said "Hi" or "Howdy" back.



Joe90
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20 Jan 2015, 12:21 pm

I don't waste my time acknowledging people any more if I don't know them. I used to smile to everyone who passed me, just to be friendly, but all I got in return was a cold stare. So now I don't do it any more. I just look down, or look at other things like trees. I think nature gives me better acknowledgements than people do.


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eric76
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21 Jan 2015, 3:01 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I don't waste my time acknowledging people any more if I don't know them. I used to smile to everyone who passed me, just to be friendly, but all I got in return was a cold stare. So now I don't do it any more. I just look down, or look at other things like trees. I think nature gives me better acknowledgements than people do.


You may just be in the wrong place. Texas is a far friendlier place. Usually.



londonpdd
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21 Jan 2015, 6:02 pm

This is a tough one. My only solution that works is to glance at their face when they are about 20 paces away. Close enough to see them but not enough detail to get emotionally caught up. I notice that works in most locations - it's just a way of signalling 'no threat', I think.



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21 Jan 2015, 9:24 pm

- Move in a forwards direction

- Don't walk into them


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ToughDiamond
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22 Jan 2015, 12:49 pm

It's fairly simple in the city where I live. Strangers ignore each other completely apart from watching out that they don't bump into each other. If I see a neighbour I might say "afternoon" or quickly acknowledge their presence by looking at their face and smiling faintly, but only very briefly. When I was working in a big place, I would see lots of people I knew, so there was a lot more of it. Everybody seemed to have different standards - some would want to exchange a few small-talk words, some would just do the minimum, others would actually look at me, frown, and say nothing back. If I'm in the countryside, I'll do the acknowledgement routine with complete strangers, if it's very sparsely populated. I might withhold the smile or the greeting until they've done at least part of it, thus I might fit in with whatever is the cultural norm by following their example.

Body language and getting attacked........I don't know, I've heard there's a link. If I think I'm walking past a hostile, I'll try to look purposeful and decisive rather than scared and weak, alert rather than tired or flagging, and I'll get vaguely ready to fight or flee. I avoid dangerous places at dangerous times, and if I see anybody ahead who looks like trouble, I might take a different route. Cycling also helps, because I can get away from them faster if I need to, and by the time they've noticed me, I've gone.