I just don't get NT men :/
01 Oct 2011, 3:13 pm
Ai_Ling wrote:
DerStadtschutz wrote:
Ai_Ling wrote:
But I also have to warn you about the desperate guys. See not all guys are just looking to f**k, there's plenty of desperate guys who never had gfs or havent had a gf in ages. So they'll come on and if you talk to them, they'll suddenly be all over you and want to be your bf. I've ran into a few of them, if a guy does that, cut him off. Who cares about his feelings, one you dont know them. But if either party is desperate to begin with, its a recipe for failure. Unfortunately, I can imagine many of the aspie guys being like this.
And this is the reason why I stopped online dating...
If you wanna continue online dating, tread with caution.
And this is the reason why I stopped online dating...
If you wanna continue online dating, tread with caution.
Wow... Really? REALLY? "nobody else wants him, so I don't want him either." If that's not herd mentality, I don't know what is. Just because someone is "desperate" doesn't mean that the relationship will fail... In fact, I'd be willing to bet that it means the relationship is more likely to succeed, depending on the reason the person is desperate in the first place... But I would think it means that person is more likely to do what you want, in other words, aim to please, rather than just do what he wants and not give a damn what you think...
And "who cares about his feelings?" REALLY?? How about who cares about your feelings? That's incredibly self-centered and ridiculous... Are you familiar with the golden rule? Treat others as you want to be treated? Put yourself in their shoes and tell me, would you be happy if someone said "who cares about his/her feelings" and just suddenly ceased contact?
How the hell is someone desperate supposed to become not desperate without getting a girlfriend/boyfriend, in which case the desperation is gone, and the problem is solved? That's just like hearing "oh, you don't have enough experience in this field" no matter where you go for a job. If everyone needs experience, where do you go to get it? The hyperbolic f***ing time chamber? Jesus christ... I hope you're never desperate for anything, and that if you are, someone disregards you the way you're telling others to disregard other desperate people... Maybe then you'll understand how wrong that is.
Yeah, let's just go after the super hot, super confident person who has men/women all over him/her and who can have anybody he/she wants. He/she's SURE to stick around with YOU when something "better" comes along... I've never heard anything so absurd in my life. Everybody's gotta start somewhere, ya know.
Heres the thing. I've been on both sides of the desperate. I've been the desperate one a few times, but I've been on the otherside too. While I sounded cruel, because Ive been on both sides, I know what Im talking about. Whenever one party is desperate, the chances of things working out goes down. Because the desperate one is gonna chase the other person who gives them some attention. Their likely to overdo things, become obsessive about the other person and have expectations to be with the person all the time. Those are not realistic expectations. Not to say that every desperate person does that, just the chances that it'll happen is significantly higher then someone whos not.
And btw...I am not going the "herd". The last guy I was into was a huge math nerd and very unique in many ways. He wasnt aspie but he had many aspie like traits. He had very little experience with dating girls and did not know how to handle having a girl close to him. He gets friend zoned a lot. He wasnt desperate and we got along based on our nerdy science interests. Is that going with the herd, I dont think so. Unfortunetely we didnt end up dating.
I agree, everyones gotta start somewhere. And yes all the desperate people need to start by getting involved with people, driving them crazy and realizing at some point that even if someone's into you, you always calling them/messaging them is gonna drive them away. Like I said, I've been on both ends. When I said cut the person off. If someones calling/messaging you like crazy, and you dont reciprocate their emotions, you gotta cut them off. Because your not making the situations any better but continuing to take their calls and replying to their message. Because when your obsessed with someone, your thoughts are delusional. You make the person to out to be someone unreal.
When both parties are desperate, they tend to try to make relationships work even if they dont clique the with person. Its like dating someone just cause they'll go out with you. Even if you have little to no chemistry, dont you dont clique.
Desperate doesn't necessarily mean you're going to constantly text or call or whatever. I would love to be around my girlfriend almost literally constantly, but I don't constantly text her or try to call her. I just enjoy her company, as she enjoys mine(to the best of my knowledge). I never said anything about a "herd," so I'm not sure where you got that from... Or maybe I'm just too lazy to re-read what I typed word for word. Either way, I browsed thru it again a few times, and I didn't catch the word "herd" anywhere in there.
I'm not suggesting that two people who aren't compatible at all and cause each other problems and grief and whatnot should stay together, but you can't be a total selfish dick/b***h about it. You SHOULD care about the other person's feelings whether you click or not, unless the other person is a total selfish dick/b***h, in which case, they got what they deserved... But to simply cut someone off with no explanation whatsoever and say "oh well, who cares about his feelings?" Is EXTREMELY self centered and f****d up, whether either party is desperate or not.
I'm gonna try my best to make a relationship work with the person I'm with in any relationship unless I can tell it's a completely lost cause. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work, but I'm not gonna just disappear into thin air because of it. That's absolutely terrible.
