Ways People Misinterpret You...

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i always get misunderstood. i try to explain things on a more basic level and in doing so i lose my audience... i day dream at times, i am clever but lose friends because im misunderstood. i wish i was stupid so it didnt matter if i have no friends :(

I just realized today how I've probably recently been misunderstood. I deliberately tried to get my assessment process done while my disability case is not being reviewed, because I just want answers. But I now realize that, because the work issue seems to somehow dominate any conversation in which it comes up at all, it may seem as though I'm scrounging for excuses not to work. Also, I do think I have multiple issues, health-wise, but the doctor said something about multiple issues, and then I said it also. So, because she said it first, then I did, even though I'd had the thought on my own before then, she may think I was just parroting her words. I hate this. The more this thing goes on, the more confused I feel, and the more afraid I am about the future. I don't know how anything works. I even find myself struggling to explain things in the comments section of my blog, because I think maybe I'm not being clear enough there in my posts in the first place. Sometimes I feel really bad.

My girlfriend and my younger sister are being super supportive, so I'm okay. But I'm still not telling my friends what's going on. By now, they're probably aware that something's going on, because I'm reacting to the stress enough that I can't always behave the way I usually do in public. I'm starting to have trouble wanting to be around the people I usually want to be around. It's hard to want to go out. I think I'm going to have to put my little blanket tent back up in the living room. I still don't have my new books yet - the ones I want that the library doesn't have, so they had to be bought online and sent through the mail - so some of my research is stalled, and I only have one magazine to take into my tent with my book light in the evening. My fibromyalgia is making me pay for my time on the computer. Well, I'm sorry to be whining and moaning so much. I'm just frustrated.

I've been trying for a week to get started on finding a way to get in touch with a teacher I had in high school. He now works at an area college, and he's studied psychology, so I'm hoping he'll know something, or have a colleague who knows something, that can be helpful to me in my attempt at getting properly assessed. I just haven't been able to get started yet on obtaining contact info. I saw him last summer, and I'm sure he would help. He's that kind of guy. But it seems so big to make phone calls and send out e-mails. That's one reason finding a place to assess me took so long in the first place. I had to gear up to make the calls and stuff. And look where that went! And now I still have to hope I won't feel like my efforts end in a crash and burn if he either doesn't know how to help or doesn't understand me as well as I think he will.

Okay, I've rambled - mostly off-topic, I fear - for long enough. Sorry. We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread. Maybe I should try for an entertaining ad with a silly jingle next time I'm going to interrupt...