Are You Able to Hide Your Aspergers?

Post Reply New Topic

I can pass as normal, but I don't try to hide it.

I must not be pulling "normal" off too well. People find me weird, creepy, and pitifull. It's obvious by the way they treat me. I never see them treating other people the way they treat me so I think they sincerly know something is wrong with me.

I am totally unwilling to conceal anything unusual about myself unless it's completly necessary, it has never been so necessary as to warrent that however. I know I'm capable, but I'd rather be unapproachable.

I recall times when people have said to me - online or off - that I am unlike most people and that it's quite wonderful really, I often feel extremely complimented.

Around creative, expressive, non-judgemental types, yes.
Around people who were socialized to reject people who are slightly odd, no.

I "passed" for 65 years -- of course, most of those years nobody but Dr Asperger was diagnosing Asperger's Syndrome, and he didn't call it that. I think all the people over the years who have not wanted to be my friends noticed something that influenced them in that way, but then, as others have said, most people don't know anything about Asperger's or HFA. Even the people at the Mental Health Center where I go for my antidepressants didn't get it, until my daughter figured it out, knowing me better than anyone else ever has, and suggested it to them: then they weren't qualified to diagnose me, and sent me to an expert at the State Children's Hospital. One roommate when I was in college noticed the "mechanical walk" and inappropriate facial expressions in conversations. She thought that I should work on the first, to be more attractive, and stop doing the second (she thought that I was trying to be a comedienne: I wasn't, but I kept my face more still anyway, just tried to plaster a smile onto it and keep it there).

Basically, most people don't know unless I tell them. Then I have to explain the whole shmear.

This and ADHD doesn't help. And I hate being treated like a child. Most people call me childish.

I do hide it a little, most people just think I'm shy.

MoonMetropilos are you here to be a cyber bullt?
I t's hard to believe that you would return after insulting so many users yesterday. I am still very very angry.

Not really. There seems to just be something about me that screams "different". I don't even have to do anything. For example, in public I attract trouble without even opening my mouth or doing anything out of the ordinary. People (particularly kids and teens) seem to just pick up on something that I'm not aware of and realise that I'm vulnerable and a good target for abuse. Out of 20 people on the bus, they throw things as me. The worst part is, nobody sticks up for me. They just pretend not to notice.

what does "equivalent poster board text conversation" mean? does it mean similar to "textual dialogue" ?. i guess it does.

anyway, in the few examples of my posts where i respond to a reply to my earlier posts, the conversation usually goes for just one reply and evaporates rapidly (like this will do) because i can not think of anything else that further develops the line of discussion. once my single point is said, that is it for me. i am not dynamic with regard to exploring variants and side themes pertaining to what my original sentiment was.

most often, i do not bother to respond because i simply think "ok", and i do not think that is a postworthy thing to say.




i have no emotional investment in my conversations. talking for me is just simply saying words that satisfy questions asked of me. if someone says something that should be flattering to me, i think "whatever", and likewise, if someone says something to me which should make me feel ashamed, i also think "whatever". everything in between those extremes are also of little interest to me.

i used the dismissive term "whatever" long before it became fashionable.

i think sometimes people mistake the fact that i provide detailed and arduously thought out replies to them as an indication that i am enthusiastic about continuing a conversation.

i think my propensity to provide detailed answers stems from when i was used as a test subject by a clinical trial team to evaluate the nature of "non mentally ret*d manifestations of autism" when i was a child. i was institutionalized in a psychiatric unit, and a chief psychiatrist and her team of student psychiatrists used to interview me almost 3 times per week to ask me many questions about the nature of my internal reality. they were formulating a presentation that would be used to contribute to the eventual addition of "asperger syndrome" to the diagnostic manual.

i very much liked that they listened carefully and took notes and queried me on aspects of what i had said, and i learned to describe things in fine detail (as far as i was concerned).

my psychiatrist told me that just as an intellectually handicapped person has a "poverty of ideas", i had a "poverty of emotions", and she said i was emotionally handicapped, and i know she was correct because i gave her all the information she needed to build her impression of me.

i do not have much investment in how people feel about what i say. i only care that they understand what i say, and i also care (these days) that i do not get into trouble because of what i say, so i will modulate my words to avoid punishment (like saying sorry on this site when i said something wrong).

having a very low reservoir of emotions does not mean i do not care about things. i sometimes feel sorry for people and i want to make them feel better, and i guess that is where i spend my few cents worth of emotional stock.

i do sense injustice, and i will remain in conversation if i see that someone is feeling bad, even though i may not be able to help, i will not turn away from them.

there is someone on this site who is feeling bad, and when i saw someone else's response to her i felt like joining the conversation, but it is in the haven, and i am not allowed to post there so i declined the urge to join in because i felt antagonistic toward a poster who was very unkind and glib, and i wanted to say something to make her feel better, but i really did not have anything constructive to add.

i am not entirely unable to reciprocate, but it is a rare occurrence.

also, there is no hyphen in my username.

that is all i have to say.

Can't quite explain this properly and I doubt anyone here would believe me, but I can sort of sense how odd I look to a person (not physically, just socially). Something just tells me whether the other person thinks I'm weird or not. I'm really unsure how to explain this, because I know nobody will ever know what I mean, but I know in my head what I mean, and I choose to stick by that. I don't want a string of posts saying ''oh how do you know what the other person's thinking, you might be wrong, just because you don't feel weird in front of a certain person doesn't mean they're thinking you're not weird'' because I've been getting that a lot lately here, as though every time I try to express some happiness somebody still comes along and gives me excuses that it is not so, then I start believing it and then go back to being miserable again. But really, I know this is real - I am a good body language reader too, so I can sometimes tell the differences between a person trying to like me just to be nice but wouldn't go out of their way to be good friends, and a person really liking me for who I am and asking for my phone number and wanting to meet up with me out. And 9 times out of 10 I am usually right about it.

So just because I'm an Aspie doesn't mean I can't tell other people's intentions.

I think i can. I don't think there is anything really odd to see about me. Others only think i'm really shy.

Moonmetropolis, the way I acted around you when we met at that anime con the other day is pretty how I act around people who I'm interested in getting to know. I have, for the most part, gotten over most of my social problems and most of my friends seem to find me to be competent and even entertaining.

Most of the time, if I want to, I can pass as NT. It's what I've been doing for the past four years.

However, I've come to learn that my true nature can never be fully hidden for very long, and trying too hard to pass for NT often ends up doing more harm than good.

Now, my stance is that I am who I am...and to heck with anyone who has a problem with that.

Now that I know what it is and what to expect from my mind it's going way better than expected. The problem for me was that I didn't know that what I was doing wasn't 'normal' and I couldn't figure out why I was so different from everyone else. I kept thinking that everyone else was ret*d and didn't realize what it must be like to be so influenced by social/emotional things [I still only have a theoretical understanding of how they feel, but I feel like I have an advantage now.]

edit: I couldn't understand why everyone else didn't see things in strictly rational terms.

Yes, I'm able to hide it - it's fair to say that most people who know me would find it hard to believe that I have any form of autism. (immediate family members would be the exception)