Do you have trouble realizing when someone is joking?
oh, yeah, i have this problem sometimes.
once, when i was working at mcdonalds, someone said he wanted a hundred hamburgers and i laughed and said, "right, you must be real hungry." but my manager said sometimes people want those for a party and i should ring it up.
and then another customer who heard the conversation said he wants a hundred hamburgers and two hundred fries and i went to ring it on the cash register, and the manager grabbed my hand and told the customer, whom i realized he knew at that moment because he called him by name, "you cant joke with this girl because she'll ring it up. she doesnt know it's a joke."
my niece said you know when people joke because of their facial expression and the tone of their voices, but i cant catch it.
Sometimes. I seem to miss it a lot with my husband and boss. I can catch jokes online like on here. I caught sarcasm in someone's reply to my post yesterday mocking peoples ignorance about entitlement and that poster was actually agreeing with what I said. I have gotten better at picking up sarcasm and jokes but I still miss it. I even had a health nutritionist coming over to my home during my pregnancy and we cook healthy food together, she had a sense of humor and I would take it all seriously and my husband told her she can't joke with me because I am literal.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
When I was a kid I always thought everybody meant everything they said. I still have trouble with deadpan humor.
For example, I sent out an email with a misspelled word in it at work, where I do a lot of proofreading. The very intimidating President of the company got the email for some reason, and replied with the misspelled word highlighted and "sp". I got embarrassed and sent out an email with the misspelled word corrected. Then months later when I was cleaning out my email box I saw it again and...
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"Lonely is as lonely does.
Lonely is an eyesore."
Recently I was in a hardware store collecting some paint color samples. On my way out a sales clerk asked me if I needed help. I said "no, I'm just picking up some paint color samples". He said "Oh, you can't take them out of the store". I said "I'm sorry I thought they were free for taking" and went to put them back.
Then he said he was just kidding. He thought it was pretty funny. Now maybe I wasn't paying attention to his body language or maybe he was good at sounding convincing. But the thing is I should have known from the context of the situation that it was a joke, since paint color samples are always free for taking because that's why they are there. I think I just didn't process things quickly enough to realize whether or not it was is a joke.
I have to say I thought it was funny too.
I fall for that kind of joke all the time. When someone is obviously joking or saying something silly to be funny, I get the joke and usually think it is funny.
Webalina
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Joined: 27 Jul 2012
Age: 66
Gender: Female
Posts: 787
Location: Piney Woods of East Texas
once, when i was working at mcdonalds, someone said he wanted a hundred hamburgers and i laughed and said, "right, you must be real hungry." but my manager said sometimes people want those for a party and i should ring it up.
and then another customer who heard the conversation said he wants a hundred hamburgers and two hundred fries and i went to ring it on the cash register, and the manager grabbed my hand and told the customer, whom i realized he knew at that moment because he called him by name, "you cant joke with this girl because she'll ring it up. she doesnt know it's a joke."
my niece said you know when people joke because of their facial expression and the tone of their voices, but i cant catch it.
This is the kind of thing that I have problems with and don't know how other people don't. How did your manager know that one person really needed that many burgers and the 2nd person didn't? I guess that's why we're so socially challenged. That's what we're missing -- those little expressions and vocal inflections. But WHY are we missing them? Hmm....
StarTrekker
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Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,088
Location: Starship Voyager, somewhere in the Delta quadrant
^This. I always get when people are telling obvious jokes or making humourous comments (though I don't always understand why they're funny) but when people use deadpan humour -- my stepdad does this a lot -- or say something that is ambiguous in its humour, I'm never sure if I'm supposed to laugh or not, and usually just watch to see if other people do.
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"Survival is insufficient" - Seven of Nine
Diagnosed with ASD level 1 on the 10th of April, 2014
Rediagnosed with ASD level 2 on the 4th of May, 2019
Thanks to Olympiadis for my fantastic avatar!
I think people with dyslexia also have this problem?
I think people with dyslexia also have this problem?
my mother still does it, because it was "so cute" when I was a child. I think she does it when I am probably getting serious in my conversation.
LtlPinkCoupe
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Joined: 7 Dec 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,044
Location: In my room, where it's safe
Ooohhhh my goodness gracious, do I EVER! I've always had problems discerning "kidding" from seriousness, ever since I was little. My stepfather is one of those guys who simply LOVES to kid around, and when he first started dating my mom, he found it hilarious that I fell for everything he told me. Now that I'm 21, he still loves kidding around with me, but now I can kinda tell when he's kidding or being serious. I still get confused every now and then, tho.
Several of my stepdad's brothers are like that, too, which is also fun.
I'm glad that at least my mom and my aunt, grandma and grandpa on my stepdad's side of the family make sense.
I also had a math tutor during my middle school and high school years who loved kidding around, too, and I had the same problems with that as I did with my stepfather. It was a bit harder with my math tutor bcuz some of the things he said to "kid around" got kind of personal, but I learned to sort of ignore those. After awhile, I even got so I could "return his fire" a little bit. There was this one time when he noticed me getting nervous (I think it was when he was looking at a printout of my grades for that week), and he commented, "Do you have a handkerchief you can wring in your hands, if you're that nervous?" And I smiled and said, "No, but there's tissues in the bathroom - would those work just as well?" ![]()
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I wish Sterling Holloway narrated my life.
"IT'S NOT FAIR!" "Life isn't fair, Calvin." "I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in MY favor?" ~ from Calvin and Hobbes
Recently I was in a hardware store collecting some paint color samples. On my way out a sales clerk asked me if I needed help. I said "no, I'm just picking up some paint color samples". He said "Oh, you can't take them out of the store". I said "I'm sorry I thought they were free for taking" and went to put them back.
Then he said he was just kidding. He thought it was pretty funny. Now maybe I wasn't paying attention to his body language or maybe he was good at sounding convincing. But the thing is I should have known from the context of the situation that it was a joke, since paint color samples are always free for taking because that's why they are there. I think I just didn't process things quickly enough to realize whether or not it was is a joke.
I have to say I thought it was funny too.
I fall for that kind of joke all the time. When someone is obviously joking or saying something silly to be funny, I get the joke and usually think it is funny.
Like you, I wouldn't have understood that he was joking about the paint color samples either.
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I only have a few traits of AS and don't meet the diagnostic criteria.
I'm often not sure if someone is joking or not unless it's obvious. I am aware of the possibility of it. So I actually try to read the air or other clues to see if it's a joke or not. Such situations are very uncomfortable and make me nervous. So I often kill the joke by being very tense and making other people comfortable, too.
Webalina
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Joined: 27 Jul 2012
Age: 66
Gender: Female
Posts: 787
Location: Piney Woods of East Texas
I had a good example of this happen just today at work.
I'm a cashier at a convenience store. Two guys came in to day, one guy got a few items, then his friend came up to the counter with his items. They said the items were to be rung up together in one order. All during the transaction they were joking and kidding around, which is fine and I was going along in the same vein. When I informed them of the total amount, the first guy told me that he had already given me $20 to cover his items. I paused and got very uncomfortable because I couldn't recall if he had given to me or not -- the store had been very busy all day and I was tired. I kinda paused and looked at the guy's face. He was being very sincere and insisting he had already paid. I then told him that there was a way I could check the register to see if he had indeed already given me the money. When I said that, he laughed and slid a $20 across the counter to me.
I'm not sure if I should have known what he was up to. Was he kidding around from the beginning and I missed the clues? Or was he really trying to put one over on me, and when he found out I could double-check he backed off? He laughed the whole situation off, but it made me feel awkward and stupid because I didn't know. Not asking for advice or answers to the above questions....I'm just musing over whether an NT would have been able to tell if the guy was kidding or really trying to rip me off.
Once I have a handle on the person's sense of humor, I can usually tell if they're being serious or not in the future. But sometimes I have still trouble seeing through sarcasm. It's always embarrassing when you're the only one in the group who's not sure if you're suppose to be laughing.
I've learned to get better with my "recoveries" though (i.e. making up an excuse as to why I laughed when I wasn't suppose to).
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Aspie score: 182 of 200.
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 19 of 200.
