Taking full responsibility for your own life

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Even kids manage to gather their cloths, put them in the machine, and dry them afterwards. No need for maturity for it. And I dont know if my reason to pay my bills is the same reason that mature people might have (to look serious in the eyes of others or whatever), I simply pay the electricity bills, because otherwise it gets freaking cold in here, the fridge wont work, and I cant play videogames, and that sucks. XD

If a kids really wants something, then it does what it takes for him. Kids simply often want other things then grown ups, and so often dont engage in stuff, that "matured" people want them to do. So simply decide on your own, whats really, really, really important for you. I dont pay electricity because "its a grown up" thing, but because my computer does not run without it. And I want my computer to be really, really working. ^^ Engaging into car prolling and depending someone financial status and "social worth" is as well a "grown up thing" in that many people engage, but for me its simply not relevant, because I dont get with that anything I want myself and feel to have a benefit, and instead would only waste money that I can waste otherwise for stuff that I really, really want. Like Lego. ^^ So I dont care if its a grown up thing or not, its simply something that I dont feel a need for it, and thats it and so I dont do it. Safety is an issue and getting to work, but horsepower, "new car model" or outer looks I really dont care for.

Dont care for what are "grown up things" as long as they are not related, with stuff you really, really want. I dont clean my house, because of it being "a matured grown up" thing, but because I know out of experience ^^, that I simply hate it if I dont find my cloths, everything is a mess, or insects are attracted or if I need to search for causes of bad smell. Or if I want to cook something, and dont have clean cooking stuff. -.- Because I know now out of experience, that I really, really dont want that, I do what is least necessary to avoid that, not because of it being such a matured thing.

Dont let yourself scare off about stuff that seem complicated, but try to find ways that work for you. Insurances as example are sh***y complicated, but at least you only need to really bother with them one time. So wait until you have a weekend for free, and then really get into the offered contracts, read in internet what certain phrases mean, until you really understand what is offered to you, and after that is done, you dont need to care for them anymore. For bills and housework, I have systems so that I dont forget stuff. As example when it comes to bills, ALWAYS get them into the same place, and ALWAYS order them according to the date, they need to be paid. Every second sunday, when I visit my parents that live near my bank office, I take with me the bills that are to be paid and do so. I know that I could do so by internet as well, but whyever, if I do so, I loose my coordination of the bills, so I dont remember whats already payed and so on, while if I do it visual and physical I remember it better. I dont care if its f*****g immature to still go to the bank office and pay them myself, but it works this way and the mature way of internet banking works not for me, so on it.

You dont need to find mature ways that works for you, but ways that works for you.

Last edited by Schneekugel on 30 Dec 2013, 7:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

Exactly - I know how to do my own laundry now. And it is just following a routine. There really is not any decision making involved. Now if I was asked to do something spontaneous like walk down to the corner store and buy and few things and bring them back - forget it. I would get lost - or forget why I was in the store - or w/e. But I can go to the nearby Taco Bell by myself and order a meal deal number three, because I have learned this routine.

Indeed, I agree.

What I am more pointing to is finding those things important to do, i.e. not being too depressed to do them. I think AS people often end up being depressed because of social issues, since they are rather social beings when being raised in traditional families (even though their minds are not built for being very social).

I tend to need social company to feel motivated (because of my very social upbringing), but simultaneously not wanting to be around others that much because of my AS. That is a crucial problem for me.

I was brought up and even accepted the idea that nobody is going to take care of me. So, I better learn to do it myself.

For better or for worse, my life is (in large part) the product of the choices I made.

Maybe it's the AS, but I find it laughable to plan for the long term.

I expected to get a job, work, retire, etc.

I'm 45. Unemployed. Never had a "good job" that lasted longer than 6 months. Other jobs did enough to pay the bills, but never get me to that place where I could buy a home, save up to retire, etc. Now, I can expect to work until I die because I can't see a way to save up enough to retire and enjoy it.

Makes me think of how financial planners would say how easy it is to have $1,000,000 saved up if you put aside X starting at 18. I'd laugh and say, "What jobs are paying you enough at 18 to put that much aside every month after you pay your bills?"

Do I plan long term? I try. I have things I'd like to see happen, but the long term goal depends on short term goals. Getting a "good job" is the first thing that has to happen before I can hope to have that nice house or retirement savings, right?

I'm glad I found this thread, because I've been struggling with a lot of the same things discussed here. I'm an unemployed college grad living with my parents, and for a long time now I've been trying to figure out what kind of career I could have that won't make me absolutely miserable. I did try out part-time jobs when I was in high school, but working was really a struggle because of my social anxiety, and I think it made my depression worse because I was always worrying about going to work even on my days off.

I know this probably sounds childish and lazy, but I really wish I didn't have to have a job at all. I mean, I would love to financially independent and to be able to live alone, but I just can't imagine a way of doing that that wouldn't make my life miserable. I made it through college alright because I could do all of my schoolwork by myself without having to deal with other people too much, and academics have always come naturally to me, so I still had plenty of time for pursuing my "special interests" (mostly anime, video games, and other geeky sorts of things). I still struggled with depression a lot in college, but I managed. When it comes to employment, though, I can't imagine any job I could do that wouldn't involve dealing with people far more than I'm comfortable with, not to mention a job that would pay enough for me to be financially independent while still leaving me the time I need to be alone and stay relatively sane.

It probably would sound ridiculous to neurotypical people to say that I'm worried having a job would take away too much time from anime/video games/etc, but I'm hoping that that will be a bit more understandable to other people on the spectrum. When everything else in the world causes so much anxiety, stress, and depression, I feel like my "special interests" are really, really important, because engaging in those interests are the only time I feel at peace, and the only time I really feel like myself.

People who are NT also struggle with living skills, this was quite evident to me when I had my placement with an organisation who worked with homeless and traumatised youth. In fact, one of my projects was to update the living skills workbook. It covered topics from cooking, general needs, cleaning, hygiene, home repair and maintenance, health, employment, safety and personal development. I was amazed how many living skills these youth (aged 16-25) lacked. Skills they are expected to learn, so that they can function adequately with main society. I was fortunate to learn most of those skills at a young age.

I know a bit about this, i dont know how old you are. but from what i can gather you still live a home ?.

I realized pretty early on that i had to get away from my mom, i only have her, because my dad died when i was like 5 or something. So she is very overprotective and she still is to this day. since she moved close to were i live.

Its not easy, but first step if you can is getting a place for youself, even if you have to get help with food or laundry.

Its takes time for me as well, but then comes the natural conflicts you will have to take, like putting your foot down and saying enough is enough, i had a few of these moments even just up to xmas, when my mom thinks she still controls where i go. I just had to say no, enough is enough god dammit. Its not easy. and i just started this not long enough. obviously the earlier the better.

Because it will only make everything harder because i cannot be to attached because we all know parents die someday, then we are even more f****d. I think the problem is they keep treating us like we are still kids, and im 30 here soon.

But it can take time, i know it did for me. parents arent always right, and the whole taming controlling just has to stop, and its way easier said than done. I know my mom havent done it in a bad way or intend, but it ends up being bad. I often think about if i still lived at home, i would probably have been a whole lot worse.

Not to mention its not easy living alone. i still cant do my dumb laundry properly.

But i can clean and keep my place somewhat orderly, and i get some healthy easy food. For me i had to realize i then and atm didn have enough energy and focus for job and living alone, it was gonna be either, fortune i could get a early retirement thingy here. And for me having a job living at home isnt worth as much to be as living alone. obviously i still dream of getting a job someday.

You don't know what the future will bring. Make the future work for you.


Life... having a conscious life, with words running through your mind 24/7 is the rarest most amazing thing that EVER occurs in all of space and time. You have one! You are one of us. Have a good one. Be helpful to the people you encounter. Do your best. Keep your agreements.