Touching an Aspie...

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aspiegirl,

It IS a wellknown autistic symptom. As for me, I just don't like it. I never have. I tolerate it from close friends and, if a pretty woman did it for the proper reason, I would be fine with it. Otherwise, I feel like I would if they stole $1000 from me!

Steve

LOL Sometimes you make me laugh so hard Steve. You are so much like me.


OMG! You answered one of the big mysteries of my life and my female friends' lives. I'm telling you, I am going to run out and show them this post. I have never understood, nor have they, why waiters and waitresses HAVE to sit next to me. Me, never them. And guy waiters try to flirt with me which is really funny since I'm way too literal to flirt and they end up frustrated. (Of course, I don't get that it's funny until afterward when it's explained that they just attempted to flirt with me and then I find it hilarious.)


But, you know, if they just want a tip, why do random strangers also come up and sit next to me even if I'm with friends?


My husband swears that men do this because they are attuned to the fact that I am clueless and they are trying to take advantage of that. He practically hyperventilates if I'm off by myself. He says I can't read their faces and most of the time I'm unaware they are even there. That is true. Most of the time I don't know who is around me. Anyway, he says the touch is like a test to see how far they can push it before I'll react.


Okay, Steve. Since you are so smart. Explain this one. Here's the other completely weird thing men do around me that I don't get and it's occasional. I notice with a certain type of man (physically and personality I mean), that they stare at me intensely (to the point that even I get it after awhile). They follow me around and stare, but their nostrils even flare! It is the most bizarre thing. Makes me think of a lion scenting a weak prey it's about to have for lunch. What follows is always an episode of stalking that I never get is stalking and people at work have to take in hand and put a halt to. But what is up with that nostril flare thing? Is this like an NT male thing I don't get?

And before you ask (while I am laughing again), it isn't an actual smell thing since they are never that close to me when they do it. Or maybe it is? My husband buys me Vanilla soap and I read once that men like that scent. Of course, that still wouldn't account for only one type of male doing this nostril flaring thing.


It's always bugged me.

I don't like to be touched, attractive females excepted of course

I love hugging and other forms of physical affection. However, I'm respectful of how other people feel about these things, so I try not to initiate a hug or put my arms around someone unless I have a pretty strong feeling that they'll be comfortable with it, though sometimes I do jump the gun. But I'm fine with people giving me a hug, as long as they're not a total stranger or someone that I have problems with.

I don't overly liked being touched, especially by people I don't know that well or even quite well to be honest.

I am OK with touching, if it is from someone I know and there is a "reason" for it. For example, hugging a friend or family member I haven't seen in a while. I can't stand people who are touchy-feely as a matter of general habit.

I deeply yearn for the touch of a young female (older than 18 of course) but when I get into any sort of situation that touch would be a plausible outcome,I get to nervous to even talk to her.

Well, my names not Steve, but this old bouncer says it either sounds like they are intensely attracted to you, or they are the abusive type and sense a victim. You said that its a certain type of man. Can you enunciate further?

Oh, and I too hate having my shoulders touched. Especially tapping and clasping.

This is ever so slightly off topic but...

People who put things in my plate from their plate, whether someone I just met, my girlfriend, my mother, it does not matter, it drives me bonkers. It puts me off my food and I do everything possible to eat around the "foreign object" and just don't finish the meal at all.

I have a very strict procedure for sharing food which people who know me are well briefed on. NO HANDS! And don't ever put something in my plate that I didn't ask for while I'm eating!

I also hate being touched by kids with sticky hands (younger cousins usually) though I am sure that goes for everyone

Apparently, I would go and hug anyone as a small child, but as I got older that totally changed. Now I find that I do not like anyone touching me, whether stranger or not. I sometimes crave a hug, but if it lasts any length of time, I find I have to break free urgently and focus on something else. I hate being knocked or nudged or brushed against by strangers and it can make me quite verbally aggressive if this happens.

I can, but it probably won't help much. They are always tall, dark haired, dark eyed men with a lanky to medium build. And, they are always OCD.

That whole staring, weird nostril flaring thing starts, then they start following me around and showing up everywhere I'm at, rearranging my things the way they want, hovering, buying me things, etc. Like I said, eventually it gets to the point where my co-workers consider it stalking and step in to stop it.

Outside of work it won't happen because my husband won't let them get that close to me although he's aware of it. He's with you. He thinks it's both an attraction thing and predator thing. I just think it's weird.

Amen to both of you. I find shoulder tapping irritating as well, unless done quickly and firmy. I have several young NT cousins, who love to tap my leg for all it's worth until I acknowlege their presence. And if they've been eating sweets (occaisionally this happens), their hands leave sticky sugar marks, which I detest. And if they are touching my arm with their sticky little hands, I freak out and go and wash myself. lol. It'd just be easier if parents washed their little kids' hands.

I also dislike when someone asks me "Are you going to eat that?". If it's in front of my face, on my plate, coming out of a brown paper bag, or if I just bought it, I am going to eat it and no one else. I rarely waste food, so it's not a question of leftovers. lol.

~Aspiegirl89~ (BTW, my name is Annie off the net. ;^) )

That does qualify it a lot.

Do they have or attempt to make an oportunity to lean over you, or to sort of block you against stuff? Almost like a... hanging over you, or forming a tent frame over you with their arm, perhaps?

Of course a predator is attacted to prey..

The nostil flaring could be construed as a pheromone thing, but I rather think not. Behavior like that in the animal kingdom is a matter of testosterone, but not in a sexual sense. Of course with people, it can be all mixed up, but that is based on aggression. The flaring of the nostrils is from quick and rapid breaths, which are a response in preparation for a fight.

Do they shrug their shoulders too? Like a twitch almost?

I don't notice the shoulder shrug thing but the lean over me is a definite. They are usually about a foot taller than me, so they either lean over me until I'm against a wall or they walk up behind me at my desk and do it. That's about the time I finally become aware that this may be a problem. I can't believe you knew about the lean!

Oh and it's usually disguised by, "Good morning" or "Have you had lunch yet" or "I brought your coffee." Something like that.

And, I just thought of something else. They use their bodies to physically block me from other people.


I'm certainly glad you explained all this. I couldn't figure out what the nostril thing was. I'll try to be more aware now, but knowing me, I'll just turn around and go the other way.



So, let me ask you something else. Back when I was in college, the bouncers always seemed to know when I was in trouble (this was a real problem for me back then). I can remember them coming over and grabbing some guy and throwing him out before I would even realize something was happening. They were always warning me and telling my friends to keep an eye on me. At the time, I just thought it was little sister syndrome (meaning I had so many brothers that I brought something out in most men where they were protective of me). Now you are making me think it was something more.

No shoulder shrug thing is good. That means they are not broadcasting their strength. You see that when two men square off.

I wouldnt attribute little sister syndrome to a woman with lots of brothers, just the opposite. Anyway, I'm betting it has more to do with the type of men they are. That doesnt mean that you dont experience little sister syndrome, only that its not caused by lots of real brothers.

Ironically, I had written a line in my last post about how I would have evicted guys acting like that, even before they caused any real trouble. I erased it because people dont seem to like to hear that bouncers do stuff like that. Thats neat how you confirm my perceptions with anecdotes from other bouncers actions.

While the leaning could be construed as protectiveness, it serves another purpose. Body language and action often has two faces, depending on who it is presented to. From another persons perception, it is (the blocker) asserting property rights, or ownership, or exclusivity. They are stating "This is mine, and nobody elses!"

If we remove the humanity of the object of attention from the equation, we see it for what it is. To do that, imagine an inmate in prison eating a meal. They wrap their arm around the food, lean over it and eat. but they dont care about the food so much as what it does for them.

But lets get back to you. Do they block you from other women as well?