How do you react to being teased?

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Depends. Sometimes I laugh along. Sometimes I get upset. Sometimes I have no response at all. (For any of those, I may or may not be very confused about what's funny.)

The way I see it, most of the outright bullying that happens in elementary school becomes the "just joking" type of teasing in high school, because then they can make you feel like the mean one for not having self control.

When I finally did learn "self control" it involved me just avoiding people and hiding my thoughts and feelings from even my family, to the point where I would come home, go to my room for the rest of the day, and hopefully not start feeling absolutely horrible and hating myself for being abnormal. It kind of irritates me that nobody ever even noticed how terribly i felt, about having to just avoid people and put on a mask around them. Still my family doesn't realize this, even though I tried explaining it to them when I lived with them. They would just say, "Oh, that's tough. Well just remember that things will get better if you keep working at it. So did you get all your homework done?" I needed help, not a pat on the back. I know I could have asked directly, but I already tried before and they basically laughed in my face. It's like they think that in order to qualify for professional help, you need to look like the stereotypical crazy person that gets institutionalized. I never even knew I could possibly have Asperger's until very recently, because it's as if their goal in life is to beat into my head that I'm normal and that I just need to work harder; if I feel out of place it's because I decided to not try hard enough. I finally started counselling when I moved out, at which point I was so stressed with being on my own that no amount of therapy was helping, especially considering they assumed I was just feeling a bit sad, and I have a very hard time explaining my own feelings to others. It's taken a while but I do feel mostly better now. Though it still bugs me that I still feel the need to hide myself from my own family.

I feel for you L Holmes. It's hard enough trying to wear the socially acceptable NT mask all day at work (or at school); you should be able to take it off and be yourself when you get home! If our families can't learn to accept us as we really are, who ever will?

I end up crying at this point, as during school (from kindergarten to even my first year of college, which I then stopped going to), I was teased every day pretty much. I'm very sensitive to insults. When playing online games I end up doing the same if someone makes a mean remark to me.

I guess it depends what is being said and who is saying it, generally I'd probably laugh it off but certain things can hit too close to home. I dunno, really depends on the who what when as said.

When people tease me I usually don't show any reaction (this doesn't mean I don't feel anything though). I often understand when I'm being teased, but I don't always get why they tease me, so I don't really care. If I'm pushed mentally or if they touch me I can throw a tantrum.

I don't like being teased. I never know when it is just "banter" or when it is genuinely meant as a put-down. I suspect that often there is an element of the latter involved, although the people doing the teasing would no doubt swear blind that there wasn't.

Generally people tease me about my appearance and I've always been very touchy about that, having had so much negative comment on it. For example, if a piece of work is required by the department and it has not been supplied, someone might suggest, jokingly, that they send me 'round to threaten the people who should be providing the work. Is this comment on the fact that I am tall and bulky and look intimidating, is it comment on the fact that I am too mild mannered and unthreatening or is it completely random good natured teasing? I just don't know.

I've just never understood banter and so have never engaged in it with friends. People have commented on this. Sometimes after a silence in the office people start looking at one another and grinning and then they will say "it's all [someone's] fault". I don't get this. Sometimes young guys will start play fighting as they walk along the street or start throwing screwed up bits of paper at each other. Why? I am sure that people think I am being stuck up or pretentious or boring for not joining in but I just don't understand the rules of this game.

It really depends on what they're teasing about and if I'm friends with the person.

Generally though, it riles me up and I tend to tell the person off. For example, a guy at work was teasing me about something so I turned around and told him "Don't you have rumors to spread? It's not like you're doing your job!" (he's known to spread rumors and keep bringing them up). But if it's with friends or something, I'll usually just laugh it off and come back with my own rib.

But, as stated, there's a fine line between kidding and bullying.

I agree with this. At least I know that no matter how angry I am, or how much I'm trying to tease someone, it rarely if ever is something that has no element of the truth as I perceive it. It's an Aspie trait to assume that everyone perceives things the same way you do, right? So if I wouldn't joke around that someone is/does something I know perfectly well they ain't, I don't see why anyone else would tease me about something that they didn't really think about me. And maybe they despise me for it, but they don't want to be outright mean about it, so they couch it as "teasing."

And then when my face (I think my face is more expressive than NT's, unless I'm trying very hard to keep it stony because shutdown leading to meltdown is usually the next step) shows how upset I am, either they stop and tell me I would be happier and more fun to be around if I were teasable, or they keep it up and I walk away. I really hate it when they then proceed to chase me down and continue to tease/bully/berate/"try to help me to be teasable" instead of letting me look for a safe, alone place to reboot!

Pastor of my church also hates teasing. He tells us during his sermons sometimes that he doesn't like his kids doing it to eachother. He quotes the verse, I think it's in Proverbs, that says it is a fool who says "was I not [just] teasing?" when s/he's called out for being mean.

And then there are the verses that say we will be held accountable for every careless word we say...

Last edited by LyraLuthTinu on 01 Aug 2014, 3:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I try to mess with their heads and bring the source reason of them wanting to do it to the surface -which is always a former of insecurety and fear.

Depends on who is teasing, and what the subject is exactly.

If it's close friends, I may laugh along with them, giving as good as I get.

I'm not in a good mood, I'm likely to say "don't go there".

If it's most anybody else, I'm just as likely to tell them to "F-Off".

I have trouble at times knowing when it it is bullying or they have accepted me. With a lot of male groups or organizations they won't talk to a new person. After a period of time they will say or do something that if taken literally would be described as bullying. In fact it is not bullying but a way of communicating to you that they like you or that they feel you belong.

I have a tough time distinguishing between what I think is teasing and what other people just deem a normal comment. For example, the other day someone told me that I was very similar to one of my family members. I thought they were trying to be mean, so I snapped back with a retort - but they were just trying to compliment me.

But if I do actually recognize that it is teasing, I still have trouble with it because I can't tell if people are trying to be mean in a passive way. This is really only for people that I work with, or don't know too well. If they are a friend, then I have come to learn when they are being playful.

I can't tell when someone is teasing, so I made a rule that I laugh at everything that sounds mean that is directed at me. If they want to hurt my feelings, they think they've failed, and if they were just joking, they think I got it. As a kid my angry reaction to teasing caused me to become an outcast and a loner.

When people try and tease me I ignore them and then no longer allow them in my space. and if they keep trying to get in my face I will quite aggressively get in theirs to make them wish they had left me alone.

My last boss enjoyed teasing and humiliating me, he learned I ignored him and just blew him off until he started doing it in front of other people, and he felt he could get away with it because I needed his money and his work, what he didn't realize is I got sick of it all and filed to get back on disability just so I wouldn't have to deal with people like him anymore, then I told him to screw off once I was no longer dependent upon him for my income. (there is little work in my area, he had me in a bad position to where I couldnt just quit and find another job, so getting back on disability was about my only option for a secure income.) his excuse for being that way to me was that I was simply to easy of a target to pick on and so he couldnt resist, and that he was trying to teach me to not let such things bother me by battering me with his stiles of humility. I am glad I do not have to work with or around him anymore.

That's even more mean than teasing, I think. Why would you mess with people's heads? Do you want them to end up institutionalized?

It reminds me of that T-shirt slogan: "People like you are the reason people like me need Medication."



This sounds like it would work really well with peers.

However, if it were a person with authority over you would they not get even more angry if you laughed at them because you thought they might be teasing when they were really criticizing, correcting or reprimanding you?



Ugh. Maybe it's easier being a female Aspie than a male one, then. Of course, with bullying, it could be easier to be male. A boy who gets bullied can gain respect just by beating up a bully or two--or even by showing that he's not afraid of taking it to fisticuffs to settle a dispute. Girls don't do that so much. And when they do, girls fight dirty.

I never was one for physical confrontation. Shamed as I am to admit it, I'd rather kiss the foot of someone who won't accept a verbal apology than have them jump on me and start to brawl. Happened once in middle school. Never forget it.