Hugging, Cuddling

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I only like initiating hugs and only if thier a tight squeeze. When I'm sad or lonely and I come over to a staff member at my school for a hug I get really upset if I get turned down. It's my way of trying to say how I feel when I'm in a bad place. I only like hugging certain people though, otherwise I get embarrassed. I also have seperation axiety with some staff especially one so if I'm hanging on her she knows I'm freaked out.

Cuddling is like extended hugging, often while lying down. Besides just putting your arms around the person and giving each other a squeeze like in a hug, cuddling involves multiple kinds of touching and rubbing of each by the other, or one toward the other, including hugging. Some light kissing may also be involved. That is how I would define it.

I am only comfortable hugging and cuddling with my significant other. I am ok after lot of practice with causal hugs by people I run into in the world, but mostly only if they seem to want or need it. I am ok with my dad giving me a hug, but not so much other family members for some reason.

On the other hand, I am hyper-sensitive to the sensations of my skin and bodily interior at every waking moment and very much enjoy massage if done by a person I trust.

I'm a rather gruff-looking person with a natural scowl, and I don't go out of my way to socialize. So even if I lived in a place where people go around hugging all the time, I doubt I would have to worry about strangers surprising me with hugs. Good thing too, because I hate that. Even hugging my close family members is kind of weird. I don't really enjoy it unless it's my idea.

There are exceptions, though. I liked having my mom scratch my back when I was a kid. When I had a girlfriend I hugged her all the time, as if trying to make up for all the physical contact I'd missed out on in life. And some older women I've worked with were so nice that I didn't mind them hugging me either.

A year ago I hugged a stranger who was staying at the same hotel and had been roughed up by her husband. That was one of the few hugs in my life that really felt good. One time I randomly hugged my landlady when she wasn't expecting it, and she didn't like it much. I felt so awful that it took me days to get over it.